OCCUPIED

.falling to pieces..

OCCUPIED


You know the first time our eyes met, 
itw's the last song you sing to me 
my tears have dried each time it falls 
This could be a time when music says goodbye 

I was the pain that keeps on fallin' 
and you're the stone that's hardened more 
I've tried it all but you keep silent, 
then walk away as I choose to stay 

In your least speech I hear you shoutin' 
with every word I listened unspoken 
and now you're tellin' me "it's not yet over 
you come to me, like a holiday, 
we'll leave astray". 

Together rise 
Together fall 
You're the only one 
who filled my soul. 

I keep pretending to unpretend
to you my me'mries seemed occupied 
a lot of words you had denied 
and then your heartbeat spelled it out 

Creep of lost I do not know 
your smiles fillin' me unoccupied 
full of crowd in an emptiness 
This heart was molde the topicsed denial.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Fréyjä Helv..]

Beautiful... Sounds like a good song to me... :)

[ForeverNever]

"Together rise
Together fall
You're the only one
who filled my soul."
Smooth, ryhmatic, rolls off the tongue...i like:]

[CHRIS ANDES]

thanks
=]

[Jordan's Back]

This is a good song :)

[Baby Ricochet]

That's a song alright. Great Job

[Tunder]

it really feels like a song. It reads like a song. It has rhythm, absolutely, but most of it doesn't rhyme, but I like that! This is a wonderful wonderful piece, and maybe one day it will be sung! Beautiful!

[TheAdamBryant]

it could be a great song

[astronaut]

I like your songs, and I try to picture music to it haha. The roman numerals confused me at first but only because I'm stupid when it comes to stuff like that haha. Rhythmed songs are good! I'm not an expert at songs myself but you seem to have it organized well! Awesome job and you should write more songs! :)

[CHRIS ANDES]

haha
thank you
=]

[Sir Joe]

If you don't mind, let me first mention these few grammatical errors that I noticed:
1. last song you sing to me --- last song you SANG to me
2. my tears have dried each time it falls --- my tears DRY (or DRY UP) each time THEY FALL
3. I was the pain that keeps on fallin' --- I was the pain that KEEP on fallin'
4. In your least speech I hear you shoutin' --- In your least speech I HEARD you shoutin'
5. what's "unpre" in the third verse?
6. what's this line "This heart was molde the topicsed denial."?
7. you didn't follow the consistency of the tenses. like in these lines:
I was the pain that keeps on fallin'
and you're the stone that's hardened more
----Unparallel because of the inconsistency of the tense

A song is meant to be sung. I would appreciate this more if I hear the tune of this piece. (=

[Amata Luna]

If this would be a song I'd love to hear it sound. I've read it full of emotions, surely I'll hear it filled with more. I have a knack for songs like this and I like the part where one walks away while one chooses to stay. By far an experience shared. This is great. Just great. ;)

[Sugar Plum ♥]

absolutely great amazing song of love! I hear the sounds of guitar and music when I read it, its in my mind...its simple and powerful in same time, i liked this verses specially !
Together rise
Together fall
You're the only one
who filled my soul.

~nia~