Sunkissed (Dream)

It's a lot.

There was a hierarchy. The sun god, at the top, obviously, and the rest of us at the bottom. We were made from their beams, our sole purpose to create more light for them to live. We needed a god to exist and they needed us to remain sustained. It was often that bigger and older stars had colonies of minions, much like my own sun god was forming. I was appointed Beam Leader, and directed lesser sun sprites on how to properly feed our god. Despite promoting to a higher power, I was still nothing in comparison to those above me, and those above them, and more. There were some lucky sprites who got to work close by our sun, got to help feed him directly. It caused envy amongst the lowest of us and motivated us to work harder, to provide more light.

Sun gods were generally selfish children, they liked being spoiled with warm rays and took more than they gave. Normally, a mother sun is there to monitor her children's behavior, to avoid catastrophes like supernovas and black holes, but our god's mother was awfully ill, and traversed to the edge of the universe to protect solar systems from being impacted by her eventual demise. For centuries, her kids have been left under no watch, and have grown personalities of their own, as well as lifestyles. The daughter, our sister sun god, a few light years away, was like any other infantile sun god, only she was getting too old to act that way, but no one was there to reprimand her. She loved taking in sunlight, she bathed in it, her workers were working themselves to death to provide her.

Our sun god, the little brother, he is not like the other sun children. He adored his sister, idolized her, found her rays infatuating and would do anything to make her happy. Workers would second their god's desires, it's the reason why the sister god's minions so readily die for her sake. We are a collective hive mind, we think for each other and with each other, and our colony believed our sun god to be just in his wants, it was a unanimous decision, and we fed him light while he released it to feed his sister. It was fine for a few millennia, but then he began to grow dim. He wouldn't move as much, and he'd lie on his star-bed to rest for decades on end. It was obvious he was growing weaker, yet we continued to feed his selfless endeavors.

One day, he had blinked out, just for a moment, and the entire system broke down. We were in a panic, we had lost billions of workers in those few moments of night, and though our god said to produce more, there was a realization amongst us. Not us, no, me. There was a realization in me. We are a collective hive mind, yet I think for myself. Once, when he was still but an infant star, I was the first born light minion, but I was fragile and could not produce an adequate amount of light to feed him. At that time, his mother had helped his feeding, and I had fallen weak from uselessness. When there was no productivity, there was no point, so my existence would fade. It was then, when I had no more strength to move, that my sun god tore his loving gaze from his sister and faced me, his single creation. His warmth enveloped me as he cupped me in his hands, and he asked why I was dying. I confessed that I was weak, and that he should make other light minions. He listened to my counsel, and then asked me to stay.

"You are my first light," he told me, "you are special."

Since then, I was appointed Beam Leader, still too weak to make good light but lucky enough to remain alive. Many knew of my past-- we were born from the same sentience-- and knowledge of our god's kindness and care ensured loyalty in the worst of us. Loyalty meant providing light for our sun, as he provided life for us, but after blinking out, I was hit with the fact that our sun god would soon die. He was too giving, too selfless for his sister, and she selfishly took it all from him. She probably didn't even realize he was dying for her, too. It needed to be stopped. I appointed someone beneath me to take my place, and made audience with the king. He was resting on his star-bed again, too weak to do otherwise.

"What can I do for you, little sprite?" He asks, gracing a smile. My god looks at me once again, and the whole system pauses to witness it. That's right, no one requests time from the sun, and he has never given it since that first day. I wish they would not stop, so that he had more strength, but it was rude to talk to others now that he was paying attention. I humbly try to create my own source of light, and once I make a horrible excuse of a meal, I offer it to him. "You need not try that hard," he says, slowly sitting up, and the stars realign in his movement, "I remember you are feint of heart." Hearing this, I feel my love for my king expand. He had so much care, he even donated it on something like me.

"Your Highness," I address once he takes my offering in his palm, "you are sick." Others who were close enough to listen gasp at my acknowledgement, and my god watches with quiet eyes, "you are dying."

"Would you request I stop worshiping my kin?" He asks knowingly, and I hold his gaze.

"Yes, I request it."

"No," he dismisses, and I'm heartbroken when he drops my light. I watch it drift out of reach, before finally blinking out. "I do not wish to stop, therefore I won't," he faces her direction again, "she is my inspiration, my muse, and I wish to make her as happy as possible, don't you understand?" With another smile, he turns back to look on all of us for the first time for many of their lives, "I will not die. I have everyone to take care of me, do I not?" They voiced their agreements, and I was already being shunned, I saw it in the way they averted their beams. Then, he gazes at me, "your concern is appreciated, though... unnecessary. Continue with your activities." The meeting was over, everyone went back to work, and I left, as well, but I stepped past the barriers and kept walking.

If my sun god would be so idiotic as to kill himself for another sun, and if there is no one who is willing to stop the stupidity, then it is up to me to do it myself. No one leaves the barrier, it was considered treason, and I felt myself become disconnected in an instant. I fell to my knees, suddenly much weaker, and I realize the only reason I was able to survive was from the life source of my creator. His existence had fueled me, but now that I've been cut off, there was nothing to keep me alight. I heard before I saw it, the stars swirling and bursting from impact, as my god whipped himself around and focused on my back.

"You," he called out, and I obediently faced him, "where are you going? Do you understand what you have done?" For the first time in eons, he moves from his spot, away from his sister sun and toward my being. The minions scrambled to follow, and I watch the chaos unfold. I was once again in his barrier, and the connection was restored. His robes flowed elegantly by his side when his hands came to surround my form. "You cannot leave me, little sprite," he says, "I need you." Never before has a sun god expressed such weakness toward his subject, and the sentiment struck me hard, I wished to stay, I wished to serve him, I wished to give him light. Once again, I produced my best meal, and this time he consumed it for me. He shimmered brightly, as if it gave him power, but he still looked sickly.

"I must go," I declared, and he didn't stop me this time, watching me go until my fading light disappeared from his sight.

I ventured for help, asking every passing sun god to spare just a little bit of light for mine, but my presence itself was disgraceful in their eyes and they harshly denied. I brushed it off, knowing my true goal was to find Her. His mother. If she was still alive. After years and years of walking, when so much time has passed I wasn't sure how I was still living, I felt a connection form in my chest, and looked about to find the sun that I bonded with. Only, I couldn't find one, not with my eyes. Following the pull with my core, I eventually caught glimpse of the sun far away. I traveled there, before recognizing the brilliance and size of Her.

Even on her deathbed, she was extraordinary, and she sensed my presence beforehand, waiting for my arrival. "I remember you," she states when I near, "come closer, tell me why you've abandoned my son." Explaining the situation, I admit I had no good ideas of how to convince my sun god to stop being rash. She agreed with me, saying he was being ignorant. Then, she went on about how she was a bad parent for not mothering him, for not teaching her daughter better. She fell into a depressing fit of coughs, gas clouds forming from her lips. She was translucent, one could see right through her, yet she burned brighter than any other sun. She was to implode soon, most likely becoming a black hole. She lay deathly close to the edge of the universe, and I hadn't realized how far I had gone until just then. "You are a loyal sprite," she tells me fondly, "I wish I had some like you. I sent mine all away ages ago so they'd find a place to live."

I ask her to save my god, and she expresses that she would love to, only that she is too weak. Aware this was considered irredeemable, I found it the right thing to do, so I produced my light for her, and fed her what I could. Just like her son did, she shimmered, before breathing in a lovely breath. "You," she murmurs softly, rising from her bed, "your light is a special light. It is stronger than any others. I do not understand how my son could be disappearing with you."

"I am not permitted to make Him light," you inform, "I am a Beam Leader. My job is to manage other rays."

"Did he come up with that?" She asks, and I nod. Standing on her feet, I can barely estimate the size of her as she picked me up and placed me upon her crown. "We shall go to my children, and I shall fix this madness you describe." To herself, she murmurs, "your light is special because it's a different kind of love. You will both due well to be together."

Droplets of light spill from my eyes, and I cry, "thank you, Mother sun god, thank you."

My absence has been longer than I anticipated. My sun was barely shining, and even after his mother had transferred me back to his possession, his rays felt cold. He lay lifelessly on his star-bed, his minions far less than when I left. They had probably died off with his strength. "Your Highness," I anguished at his side, giving my light to him without permission, "your Highness, I said this would happen, you are a foolish god."

"L.." he stirred in his slumber, eyes opening weakly to gaze at my form, "little sprite," he greets, "you are back."

"I am back," I confirm.

"Or is it a dream again?" He shuts his eyes, and opens them once more, "you are here," he tilts his head upward at the goddess peering down at him, "and you have brought me my mother."

"My son," she goes to her knees, "you are in a pathetic state right now. Your minion has been compelled to seek help from another sun because of your actions, can you be proud of yourself?"

"I am doing it for sister," he argues, and she presses a finger to his lips.

"You are killing yourself," she reasons, "you are in worse shape than I. That is not right." His head is pulled into her lap, and she caresses his golden locks. "You must abandon your sister, she is plenty well off without your doting."

"But..."

"Look at your sprite," he obeys, and notices how I struggle to make him light, "look at how she fades for you, weeps for you. Do you not recognize this as love?" I am temporarily hindered in my attempt, as I'm lifted by his hands to stand on his chest, where he could speak to me without trouble.

"A god is not expected to forgive those who abandon him," he relays, "and yet you have done so with a warning, which is also unheard of. Did you expect me to take you back, just because you are my first light?

"No," I say, "I was prepared to be discarded, just like my light when I requested you take care of yourself."

"You discarded her light?" His mother asks, and he closes his eyes. "Have you no guilt?"

"It pained me to do so, but my sprite would not listen to me. I felt it in my core," he was right, "and here she is, still serving me after my cruel action." Opening his eyes, he hovers a hand over my backside, "faithfully, you worship me. No, faithfully, you love me," the hand lowers itself, "I will stop giving light to my sister, at least, until I am better."

"It's good enough," I lament, bowing with gratitude.

"No, it is not. I plan to speak with your sister and stop her gluttonous actions," said the sun goddess.

"As you wish, Mother. I am sorry for all the trouble," my sun states softly, "I hope to be as great as you one day." I watch as his eyes lower to my spot atop him, "and you, little sprite," he says, "you deserve to be with a better sun. I understand if you choose to voyage to another galaxy."

"My Lord," I step forward, "I would never leave you."

"Come closer," he requests, and I walk along his chest until I reach his face. He smiles at me, and I feel warmer than I've ever felt before since my creation, brighter and stronger. He holds up his palm, and I board it before he sits upright, leaving his mother's lap. Gently, he brings me to his cheek, the flames from his skin wisping around me in a heated embrace.

"My Lord," I repeat, astonished by the action, and I bravely lift my arms to return the hug. It was then that my strength grew more, and I couldn't believe the situation. Is this how the other beamers felt? Everyday? This great?

"From now on, I want you by my side," he tells me, moving away, "are you alright with that?"

"I long for nothing more," I reply.

Then I wake up.