So Easy

A true life experience I had when I hitched a ride when I was 6 years old in the late 70's

My name is Jeff. Hello. I am six years old and it's nice and sunny and warm. I am bored. I'm get getting this squirming feeling in my mind that tells me I need to do something fun. Mom and dad are at work and my babysitter Kathy is picking up the paper and crayons I had out. She is teaching me how to draw Winnie the Poo and Tigger. Tigger is my favorite. He's.my mom's favorite too. Kathy says I am really good. She says she will tack my drawings next to my bed. I have bunk beds and I share it with my brother Aaron. He's only four. I got the top bunk because I am older. I like the top but I feel bad for Aaron because he never gets to choose. Maybe that's why he's so quiet.

I have an idea! I'll go to see my grandparents! Yes that would be such wonderful fun! I will surprise them. It's not far from here. It only takes a few minutes when my dad drives us all there. They are my mom's parents . My dad doesn't have any parents. My grandparents have a pool too. I bet they would let me swim because they will be so happy to see me.

I don't think I should tell Kathy even though she is nice to me. She has Farrah Fawcett hair. I like Farrah Fawcett. I have a picture of her under my pillow. My cousin Jennifer has a picture of Jon Travolta from Welcome Back Kotter under her pillow. That's were I got the idea. I found a magazine with Farrah Fawcett in it at my grandparents and I snuck scissors and the magazine into the bathroom to cut out her picture. I didn't want anyone to know because I would be embarrassed. My hands were shaking because I was so nervous. I was almost done when my Uncle Chuck pounded on the door asking me what the hell I was doing in there.

" Nothing", I say weakly.

I could tell he didn't believe me. Uncle Chuck is mean. My mom says he's selfish. I'm glad he lives in Arizona and is just visiting.

I start heading for the door trying not to be not to be noticed but Kathy sees me and asks,
"Where you going?" Kathy is on the couch watching TV but turns to look at me.

I'm going out to play." I pause for a moment and act like it's no big deal. She smiles and says,
"Okay, just be back by 5, that's two whole hours and then your mom will be home."

"Okay Kathy. I really like your hair."

She smiles at me and turns back to the TV still smiling and playing with her hair.

"Now you you scram you little charmer." She giggles a little as she says that.

I leave our town house and head for the busy main road at the entrance of Meadow Brook Farms. That is were we live. It's not a real farm. We don't have cows and chickens or pigs. We have townhouses and apartments and a tennis court and an indoor pool at the rec . I like the rec because it it has winding stairs that goes up in a twist like swirly macaroni. That's where they have pinball machines and a neat jukebox that plays a song I like called Disco Inferno. My dad took my brother there once and Aaron found twenty dollars on the ground. They came to get me and dad took both of us to see the King Kong movie that just came out. It was awesome!
It's too bad I can't go to the rec anymore..I got kicked out by the owner when he saw me sitting on the drain to make my own pool by flooding it. I was happy because the kids in there with me were all laughing. But the owner came in took one look at me and started yelling telling me that I was never to come back again. I was so frightened! That was the first time a grown up besides my parents yelled at me. I can't believe he doesn't like me... I never told my parents about that

I get to the entrance and wait for a minute. There were so many cars whipping back and forth so super fast. I have never actually left Meadow Brook without my parents and it was the first time on my own.
I bet gandma would give me money when I got there because she will be so surprised . I headed left. That's how my dad went when we drove. Maybe I will get there faster!
It has been maybe ten minutes into my big journey. We usually are there by now when we drive. Maybe the wind from the cars going towards me are holding me back with the wind hits as they go by. I walk with my head down to not get dirt in my eyes. My flip flops are hurting my toes and my shorts feel too small. My tank top says "Mark" on the front. All my clothes are from other people. They are hand me downs. I don't like this shirt because my name is Jeff, not Mark. That's why the kids probably beat me up at the bus stop. They know my name isn't Mark and they call me Hand Me Down Jeff or poor. I didn't know we were poor.

Wow! I am so far now I can't see Meadow Brook anymore. This is furthest from home I have ever walked on my own. Just keep going, I say to myself. I have to be almost there. It will be worth it to surprise them. They will think I'm a big boy!

But wow am I hot! I wish my hair wasn't long . I want short hair like all the boys at school. Not long like a girl. My mom likes our hair long like my dad's. No one would call my dad a girl because he looks like a rock star. He wears jeans and t shirts with the sleeves cut off and he has a real long mustache and always wears sunglasses. Someday I want to be like him. He's the only dad I've seen who doesn't have short gray hair or wears a tie to work like other dads. Maybe because he went to Vietnam war after I was born. I think he must have been the only one who had to go. All the other dads look too old and fat to have gone. Everyone always thinks my mom is my older sister too. I always have the youngest looking parents. They must have got lucky to fall in love so fast.
They got married when they were in high school and I was at my mom's graduation. That's what my mom said anyways. She is so pretty. Like Linda Linda Ronsstadt. I thought the poster of her that we have was my mom when I was younger.
Oh boy it's getting real hot! But I have to do this. This will be so great but why is it taking so long?? I know I am going the right way because I see the intersection I have to cross way up in the distance. I have to stop for a minute to rest under the shade of this giant tree just back from the road a little. Across the street I can see a church that's way back in the yard with a long driveway that leads to it. There are three crosses on top and they look slanted. I don't know much about church but I think people go there to cry about that man in the movie "Jesus Christ Superstar." I watched it with my mom once and I know I cried all the way to my bed.
When my mom was tucking me in I cried, "Why mom, Why did they have to kill that guy? Was it because he had long hair like dad? That wasn't dad, was it? Was that man a rock star?" Tears were running down my face.

"No honey, dad's no Jesus."

That was all she said as she turned off the light and shut my door. I stayed up most of the night crying into my pillow. My mom says I'm sensitive. It's probably because of my long hair.

My parents are so weird. I think it's because they know all these famous bands. They know the Beatles. I know this because she has their records called 45's. The Beatles have a green apple in the middle of their records. I think that's funny. They also know Three Dog Night. I don't like them much even if they are dogs. She has this really cool record by the Doors. They sing the End. I like this one because it reminds me of a nice warm blanket. I think Radar from that real green show called Mash is the singer. It sounds like him. And then she has this song called I Can See for Miles by the Who? I don't know why they never come over. We have their records . I don't understand.

One time my brother and I were jumping up and down while listening to one of these records in my mom's room by ourselves. I got tired and climbed down and went to the bathroom in her room. While I was going I noticed this plastic stick in the garbage. I thought it might be a toy so I picked it up. One end was thinner then the other and it slid perfectly into the big part. They looked like a cigar and a cigarette. I took them apart and walked back into the room.

"Hey Aaron, you want a toy cigar or a toy cigarette?"

"Cigar!" yelled Aaron who was still bouncing on the bed.
I gave him the "cigar" half and we sit on the bed and put them in our mouths pretending to be like dad.. Well I was like dad, I had the cigarette . Aaron had the cigar and dad doesn't smoke those. Just cigarettes like me! And some kind that he makes himself in our van...

My mom came in and saw what we were doing. When she saw us she got really mad. Or was she scared? I don't know.

She grabbed our cigarette and cigar out of our hands and screamed, "Don't you ever go into the garbage again! Get in the bathroom and brush your teeth and wash your face!"

" They're not real mom!"

She acted really strange the rest of the night.
Why was she so upset? I wouldn't really smoke. I'm too young..

This big journey is really wearing me out. Where is my grandparents road? It never takes us this long when we drive together. Did I go the wrong way? I crossed that busy intersection like dad does but I see no road up ahead. And now I am so far away from home and there are so many cars. I think I'm really in trouble. What am I going to do? I bend over to rest my hands on my knees and stare at my dirty feet and angry pavement. They are throbbing now and I'm thirsty. My neck in back feels hot and burnt. I need to head back home but I don't think I can make it. This was a bad idea. I'm confused and scared. Cars keep whooshing past me every other second. Sometimes they honk. I don't like that at all.

Should I start walking home? Do something! I decided to go back and as I miserably start to walk back I put my thumb out and pretend to limp and look stunned. It just seems like the right thing to do. Just keep your thumb out and pretend your hurt. I have no idea how I know to do this. Maybe from watching David Banner from the Hulk.

I cross the intersection again . That was scary. So many cars going everywhere and I'm so small.

Whew! I made it to the other side gasping. I take a deep breath and again, stick my thumb out and limp. I am not faking the desperation now. It's real. I'm really scared.
Like last winter at our bus stop in front of one of the apartments. I had climbed this huge snow bank to enjoy the view. I had never been so high up before. I looked way down the road that led to the other side of the park and saw in the distance our bus turning our way slowly. I yell to all the kids down below,
"The bus is coming !"
But before I could finish my sentence, a snowball hit me hard right in the mouth and knocked me down the snowbank. As I tumbled down I felt one of my hush puppies fly off. I remember thinking, mom is going to kill me if I lose my shoe.

When I finally hit the ground in a daze, all the kids at the bus stop, the boys as well as the girls, pounced on me and grabbed both my legs and arms and lifted me up and headed towards the apartment. I knew better than to fight. Some were Big Kids. They're laughs sounded unfriendly and I quickly realized they were not taking me in the building to help me. I was terrified but still did not struggle. Were they going to nail me to a cross like in that movie? Oh no! Why are they doing this to me and why isn't someone stopping them. I wished Kathy was there.
Someone opens the apartment building door and they take me
in the hallway. Once in they start swinging me back and forth . Two kids on each arm and two holding my legs together. Just like a cross. The kids hold me in front of the metal stair railing and start to swing me back and forth. I could see all the rest around me all laughing like they could not wait for what was going to happen.

They all began to chant all together,

"One, two..." I was swinging faster now back and forth now.
"One, two, THREE!"

They let me go on three and I hurdle head first into the railing smashing my head so hard I see a flash and then hit the floor with a thud. Then everyone went quiet as if they were fascinated by the gash in my skull. Finally I am the first one to speak.

"I want to go home." I whimper trying to hold tears back.

I get up very carefully and put my gloved hand on where my head hurt. I start to walk out of the apartment limping now for real with only one shoe on. I didn't care about my lost shoe anymore. The blood started to run down my face and into my eyes. The kids remained silent and didn't stop me from leaving.

Once outside the kids all rushed out and surrounded me as I limped home. They were acting like they suddenly were like news casters sticking their pretend microphones in my face asking me all these questions like they were giving this crazy interview as if we were live on tv and they were trying to get the story on what just happened. They acted like they didn't just hurt me but they were... nicer I guess . It was very confusing to me. There was so much blood. I finally get to my house and one of the boys says,
"You ain't gonna tell are you buddy?"
I say nothing and just before I get to my door, they all scatter.
I knock on my front door and collapse. I don't remember much after. It was probably a good thing I didn't.

I am now weaving and stumbling with my thumb still out. I don't think I'm faking it so much anymore and I think I'm going to cry. This huge 18 wheeler comes flying past me and it's wind hits me like hurricane at my back blowing my hair forward fiercely. I should move closer to the side because I could've touched that truck it was so close! Wait! did they just pull over??? I wonder if Kris Kristopherson from the movie Convoy has come to help me! I stand there stunned for a moment not knowing what I should do next. Then I see the passenger door open and a short man with a beard, mustache and a round belly hang half way out, looks both ways and then waves for me to come over.

"Hurry up," he yells, " this is a busy road! Get over here!"

That is not Kris Kristopherson but without thinking, I run as fast as I can, losing my limp. I don't care, it worked and I am going home!

I get to the passenger side and the fat man gets out and quickly plops me in the truck like I'm nothing at all next to the man driving. He has a beard too but he is skinny. He's not Kris Kristopherson either.
I am really high up and the inside and the truck reminds me of the Millennium Falcon from that new movie I saw called Star wars. It has all these neat gadgets.

The fat man with the belly climbs back in, shuts his door and asks, "Son, are you okay? Are you hurt?" He looks concerned.

Son? I think to myself.

"Yes sir. I mean I am ok. Not hurt."

Skinny guy asks me, "Does your mama know where you are?"

"My name is Jeff. I am six years old and I am in first grade and that's all I am able to say."

They both give out a laugh like they can't believe I said that.

The man now speaks again but trying to hold a laugh back.

"Ok son, you need to tell us where you live."

There he goes with son again. Are we related?

"Meadow Brook Farms."

"All right buddy," says the fat man, "well get there in a couple minutes."

A minute passes.

Oh wow they were already coming up to the entrance. How did they get here so fast??
"Can you drop me off before the entrance? If my mom sees me getting out of this truck, I'll get in trouble."

Both men really laugh at that. They seem nice.

"Sure son. Jerry why don't you pull over here. I think you got the room."

"Okie dokie." says Jerry the driver.

They pull over to the side just like I asked. The fat man jumps out and helps me get down out of this super truck. When I'm on the ground he messes up my hair like dad sometime does. He climbs back into the truck and shuts the door. He hangs his head out and looks at me seriously and says,

"You watch that hitchhiking now. You could get really..hurt. You understand me? You're lucky we got to you first."

"Yes sir. I will."

He flashes me a friendly smile, says something to the driver and they start to move again to a place I have never been.

"Wow..." I say starstruck.

I make my way back to my house and meet my mom who is just now getting home.

"Hey honey, watchya been up too?"

"Just playing." I tell her.

"Wel, a shower for you tonight, your feet are filthy!"

I am home. Finally.

My name is Jeff and I am a six years old hitchhiker.

That was so easy.