Lonely Extroversion

When I tell you that I'm just planning to chill this weekend, I'm not saying I'm busy

I'm silently pleading that you want to hang out

When I'm the loudest personality in the room it's not because I have the most confidence

It's because I'm afraid of being left out

I am not the bravest and most charming

I am not the trend setter or the most popular guy in town

I am the one who craves understanding but is afraid of driving people away by being too honest

I don't like having alone time

When I'm alone I remember all the things I did wrong

I remember all the stupid lines I spoke to elicit social dopamine production

I remember that no one is texting me

No one is asking me what I'm doing

When I'm not alone my battery is fully charged

I am the most eccentric, most outspoken and most charismatic, because I can fake it

And when I fake it with others I feel like it's true

Because they think it's true

Introversion is the monster that sleeps in my closet

Taunting me with introspective self-destruction

Telling me why I deserve to be alone

If I spend enough time with him I'll start to enjoy my loneliness

And then I'll stay in bed all day and never do anything

Despite being the friendliest person I don't have that many friends

I don't even have 500 Facebook friends

Which apparently comes as a shock to some people I know

"Maybe you should go out more"

Sure, I'll go out, but if I don't know anyone I won't talk to anyone

and it's not because I don't try, it's because my mouth  becomes a train wreck of social awkwardness

I just mumble something casually related to the topic and then find an excuse to leave because no one understood and now they're looking at me like I'm purple and it's just a mess.

It helps if I have someone with me

A social training wheel if you would

At least one person to laugh at my vague jokes so no one thinks I'm crazy

Or at least that I'm not the only crazy one

Forget meeting new people, if I have one friend like you

I don't need anyone else

We can entertain ourselves about the memes and how we don't get much sleep at night

And we can compare notes on how we don't socialize very well

Despite going out on the town and socializing all the time

I enjoy reading a book as much as anyone else

But damn it let's go outside and do something tonight because boredom is the key that unlocks my sadness

And I'm never bored when I'm with you