Zoloft and Orange Juice

Sometimes depression is...

Depression.

Sometimes its screaming until your lungs give out and can no longer make a sound

Or the anger dripping from your eyes in hot tears as the steam radiates off of you.

Sometimes it’s a sadness that cannot be explained

Penetrating you in waves and surrounding you with walls

Walls insurmountable and unbreakable

A dark and lonesome fortress of your own misery.

Sometimes its numb

The terrifying feeling of feeling absolutely nothing

Impassive and impartial, emptiness envelopes you.

Sometimes it feels like falling, unstoppable and attracting, a force unable to be denied

Knowing that the worst is only yet to come as you crash upon the pavement.

Sometimes it’s a question, resonating in your head

Constantly calling you to question

“why am I here?”

“am I really living?”

“what am I living for?”

Left unanswered for you are speechless, unaware of the truth to respond with

Because you aren’t living, just making your way towards dying

Slowly progressing towards your end, unraveling at the seams.

 Sometimes its like cancer. Terminal and self-inflicted

That which is killing you is you, a twisted and fractured part of yourself.

Sometimes its waking up in a cold sweat, shrieking at the night

Or not falling asleep at all for fear of the demons hiding in your dreams

The same demons that haunt you in wakefulness, combating your rest

No escape, no hope, no solace

Sometimes its hypothermia

Bitter cold isolation

The pain seeping into numbness that slowly drains the life from you

Sometimes its dying

On the inside, internally, while you are still physically alive

Knowing that you are lifeless but forced to keep living.

Sometimes its pills, force fed, crushed and snorted, taken to control

Control the fear, control the fire, control the rage

Sometimes you never let go and sometimes you never go on

Sometimes you become nothing

Sometimes you already were nothing.