Fall Back Love

Fall Back Love

A Poem by Ina
"

A broken heart still beats.

"
A wish in the wind
a kiss towards the sea
how did this ever happen to me?

Twisted trampled broken bits,
heavy sadness hangs its head,
go away screams, make it stop pleads.

Is this but loves cruel fate, to crawl
to grind, the hours away in pain
reduced to the tears of sorrowful eyes?

Let go whispers softly, gently,
let if fade like the sunlight 
to this bitter cold winters night.

© 2011 Ina


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

You've managed to capture the hurt of a broken heart very well. I particularly like the futility conjured up by the line, "to crawl to grind, the hours away in pain" as it's so much the antithesis of how time flies when love is new and perfect. There's also a cracking piece of doubled-up alliteration in the second stanza with the, "twisted trampled broken bits" which gives the line the feeling that it's been spat out in anger.

In terms of weighing up the poem as a whole I think you demonstrate a good grasp of word usage and word play but to me the structure doesn't display these great qualities as well as it could. For instance there is a clear rhythm and rhyme to the first stanza but this is abandoned in preference for free verse. I thnk this was a good stylistic decision as reading that first stanza aloud the pain is masked by the light-hearted rhythm but perhaps a re-shaping of the offending stanza might have resulted in a much stronger poem.

If this is a therapeutic piece of writing I hope that baring the wounds has been something of a positive moment for you.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Love is sometimes fleeting, and disappointing to say the least. Like a whirlwind it spins us around and around in grief and pain. Such is life sometimes. Nice writing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


You've managed to capture the hurt of a broken heart very well. I particularly like the futility conjured up by the line, "to crawl to grind, the hours away in pain" as it's so much the antithesis of how time flies when love is new and perfect. There's also a cracking piece of doubled-up alliteration in the second stanza with the, "twisted trampled broken bits" which gives the line the feeling that it's been spat out in anger.

In terms of weighing up the poem as a whole I think you demonstrate a good grasp of word usage and word play but to me the structure doesn't display these great qualities as well as it could. For instance there is a clear rhythm and rhyme to the first stanza but this is abandoned in preference for free verse. I thnk this was a good stylistic decision as reading that first stanza aloud the pain is masked by the light-hearted rhythm but perhaps a re-shaping of the offending stanza might have resulted in a much stronger poem.

If this is a therapeutic piece of writing I hope that baring the wounds has been something of a positive moment for you.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very beuatiful read.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Judging from this elegant piece of poetry, I think you should get your works published. I love how you wrote it and this is an awesome write :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Beautifully done.

Posted 8 Years Ago


great job! hope you publish some more!

Posted 8 Years Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

450 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on November 6, 2011
Last Updated on November 14, 2011
Tags: tag, wish, kiss, sadness, cold, pain, saturday, love, fall

Author

Ina
Ina

Knoxville, TN



About
Check me out on Twitter @exhibitionthis Acceptance is an act of pure grace. -Gurmukh I am: Aiming to be exuberant, lively and quite the exhibitionist all the while running parallel to my shy, s.. more..

Writing
Unknown Chpt 1 Unknown Chpt 1

A Chapter by Ina


Unknown Unknown

A Book by Ina