First Time

I feel so sick. I feel like tearing out my stomach and shoving it down my throat.
Worms are eating my f*****g brain.
I'm sitting here, just sitting here, all alone even with all of them around me whimpering in the same scared, dead tone. There are no others like me, there are no others at all like me. I'm so different. But I'm not smarter. I'm not better. I'm nothing-er.
You would think that whoever the made us would have some kind of point system or something. Some way of balancing out the bad with the good.
I can feel them wriggling. I can feel their saliva dissolving my thoughts as they come.
Everything's out of place now. Up is down. Or is it down that's up? I don't know anymore, I'm losing my mind. Quite literally, I am. This is the most painful thing, the most sickening thing, the most depressing thing, I just want it to be over.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
I look back to my birth. That used to be the worst thing that ever happened to me.
They must have killed my mother. I don't remember my mother.
Those b*****d mice.
But now I watch them writhe in the same twisting, contorting sorrow that follows me no matter which dark corner of my mind I retreat to. Everything's beginning to blur as I lose my sight, everything's beginning to itch as I lose my skin.
But it's also happening to those b******s.
B******s? They're amazing. They have all my intellingence. They have all my ingenuity. They have all my good will. They're me and a half.
Do I hate them?
What is hate?
What is love?
I don't know anymore.
My tears are going numb.
This is so confusing.
There are worms. There are worms. There are worms. There are worms. There are worms.
They-
Are-
And they're eating holes in my f*****g reality.
After this I better get some water or something.
My skin is on fire.
And all I can do is sit here and gnaw on a bit of wood every now and then. I can feel them there, I can feel them there, I can feel them here. It's nothing but everything crashing down, there are holes in it, it's on it's way down to drown us in nothing, all we can do is sit here and drown. And gnaw on wood. Knock on wood, we thought we would be okay forever, but I'm gnawing on wood because goddammit, we are definitely not okay. This is the worst feeling in the world, this is the most depressing feeling in the world. Worms are eating holes in my brain, or they're eating holes in everything, I'm not even sure anymore. This is horrible. I'm so sad, I'm so sad. I don't want to die but I can't wait for it to be over.
There's a man with a clipboard.

I can feel them consuming and destroying. I can feel them wriggling over each other like an anxious crowd of bargain-hunters not willing to give up the joy of the kill, or like earnest babies looking for a first meal. I'm not sure.
I can feel them living. I can feel them loving. I can feel them leaving.
Lives go by in seconds.
Blinking takes years.
Tears begin to fall, they freeze on the way down, my lungs freeze, my heart's iced over, my stomach's iron. The back of my head caves in and everything fades away.