Do You?

I resist the urge to question your motives
If I give in, it means that I'll show this
This unwanted massive retch of need
The clingy hungry growing seed
You planted deep inside of me
When you tried to set me free
Unbeknownst to your mind
I think about you all the time
I switch from greed and constant doubt
And strong emotions I can't let out
Tumbling turmoil in my head
Constant playback of what you said
Both good and bad, running through
Pathetic? Yes. I need you
Something I detest to feel
Yet helps me be somewhat real
Because I am constant drifting
A cloudy weight that's never lifting
A deep dark black blue clot
Wishing my mind would rot
So I could make my escape
From the thoughts that always rape
And pesters, control, hate my brain
Forcing me to see my veins
From another point of view
And makes my inner contents spew
And tells me that you lied to me
When you said that you loved me
It spurs the rapid, obsessive hate
Taunting me at an alarming rate
Swirling thoughts of instant dread
I lay awake and think in bed
My limbs, so heavy, like iron lead
Pleading for my body dead