Cold

I look at you and think
How unfortunate you are
I take pity on your soul
And hope you have enough sense
To take you far away from here
Far away from me
For if you don't go far
You'll be forever trapped in last-minute-break-off
Hate-love spiral trapping clinging pushing
And I'll say how much I don't care
And I think 'I don't love you'
And I'll come so close to speaking that I almost
Punish myself for it anyway
Because you know that I do
And I didn't last two months
Like your faith in me had hoped
I guess I just crushed your hopes
Like I crushed my hands into your shoulders
The night I pushed you away
The night I screamed for you to leave
The night I screamed at myself for hours
For letting myself stand there as you walked away
Perched up top watching me from above a quick slip-jump
Will tell you what I'm really up to
I'm not exactly honest when I don't roll up my sleeves
Or when I pull up my arm warmers and expect you to believe
That I really am just plain cold
Although that's not a complete untruth
I am cold
From the inside out
That's why my touch is ice
And my voice is shrill
That's why you shudder when I tell you I love you
And that's why you and everyone else has turned away