When Slow And Gentle... HURTS.

This is meant to be a description of a time in my life through my clouded eyes, my depression.

Hours and days passed, so many times I was asked...

where is she? Shouldn't she be... 

there it always trails off, 

as now I sit alone in this two bedroom loft.

Stagger through this kitchen,

where empty bottles mark the counters like reflective stitches.

Using spirits for sutures,

could never repair facets of our future.

There is our broken picture on the floor, 

it fell the day you gently closed the door.

 
Gray rain clouds outside clear window panes.

clear pain clouds my windows gray.

I wished you away but when the time came I could only beg you to stay.
Friends now call just to see if I'm okay, 

what more can I say... it wasn't supposed to go this way.
Now I lay me down to sleep, 

near our window where I can see the street.

Hoping some day our eyes would meet, now merely a hopeless feat.
Every day I need my liquid courage, 

events lately have left me far too discouraged. 

I encouraged this downfall, 

back against the wall...

I now have to face it all. 

It's amazing how the world can seem gray... 

even when there are no rain clouds in the way.

Author's Note

I hoped this line was easily understood. I fought myself about posting it merely because of this line. " Gray rain clouds outside clear window panes.
clear pain clouds my windows gray. "
Thoughts, anyone?

Reviews

[Nestor Gonzalez]

this is the work that made me want to find you i read it and thought godamn this is pretty amazing i must remember this writer so i can come and read more of his works latern(again mentality of a slackard it's my illness haha) this is truly a gem i'm particularly fond of this verse:

I wished you away but when the time came I could only beg you to stay.
Friends now call just to see if I'm okay,
what more can I say... it wasn't supposed to go this way.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
near our window where I can see the street.
Hoping some day our eyes would meet, now merely a hopeless feat.
Every day I need my liquid courage,
events lately have left me far too discouraged.
I encouraged this downfall,
back against the wall...
I now have to face it all.

you captured some emotions i myself have felt before and for the reader to be able to relate to the writing that's key into making an impact on said reader great stuff :]

[unsavable_soul]

You're too kind,
But greatly appreciated. I think a lot of works a person does need be relatable to it's reader, not as to say this should be the goal but to say that if no one relates to it than why not keep it in a journal some where and shelf it for self. Much love.
Chris

[Nestor Gonzalez]

well you don't have to attempt you simply give yourself the freedom to be real and the results will show, we are in an island sometimes we forget others are in islands themselves, the enviroment won't be exact but similarities will arise. :]

[unsavable_soul]

so very True...
Chris

[OBWhiteHawk]

Wow talk about being hurt in so many ways. Well done.

[unsavable_soul]

Thanks WhiteHawk.
Pain is a strong piece of who I am and it only becomes less as I bring it to the forefront.
Thanks
Chris

[Azriel]

wow i really do love this one as well, it's quite powerful and full of emotions, also so much honesty and sincerity in your choice of language. really liked how you singled out these lines as well: "Gray rain clouds outside clear window panes.
clear pain clouds my windows gray."

they're really great lines... overall great piece

[unsavable_soul]

You are to kind to me. But I as much as any need the support.
Thank you
Chris

[Mother Maggie]

Amazing, very well crafted. I could feel the pain of the soul lost in cold gray winter in the midst of warm spring explosions of color...can brilliant flowers and songbirds exist in a world bereft of you?

[unsavable_soul]

they most certainly can as you and so many others here are my equal and more. Your words flatter me. I will attempt very hard not to giggle like a little school girl at the idea my work could be viewed in such brilliant expression.
Thank you Maggie
Chris

[Mother Maggie]

The question does indeed apply to to as well...it is also the question being asked by the soul within your poem or by any soul dealing with loss of husband, wife, lover, sibling or parent...

[unsavable_soul]

Very true,
I can see in many ways you will ever so greatly improve my writing. Your perception and relay of this is very definitive.
Thank you my friend.
Chris

[M Chavan]

Oh my.... Beautifully written... :)
Each and every line, is very expressive... pours out emotions...
Loved the end... :) wonderful...
keep it up!!

[unsavable_soul]

Thanks so much Chavan, I am glad there is this mutual feeling of appreciation for each others art. Look forward to being able to get around to reading more of your works.
Thanks
Chris

[M Chavan]

Yeah...
This piece definately deserves all the appreciation it has got...

Thank you,
Maitrayee

[Mande ThaBoss BabyGauge..]

My words will never speak highly enough for my admiration of this poem! The lines, "Stagger through this kitchen, where empty bottles mark the counters like reflective stitches," speak to me in such a way that I can truly relate. Having been there, done that. Another excellent work. I am finding more and more talent in your work!

[unsavable_soul]

Thank you BabyGauges.
I love that you found personal meaning in this piece, because it was very personal to me. I don't tend to think someone with out experience in drinking problems or other associated addictions can understand how grey it can make all aspects of one life, as if someone just said " you shall view all in things in silent film mode " and then it happened. So glad you had a love for this piece, it needs that.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Harrisen Viator]

Wow. That's an intense read. I honestly don't know what you should add to it to make it better.
"Gray rain clouds outside clear window panes.
clear pain clouds my windows gray."
I really like those two lines actually. It just shows how much the pain is affecting you. It clouds your thoughts and causes you so much distress and then it is solidified in the final two lines.
I can feel the sadness in this poem, and I hope that it leaves you, because the way it's portrayed here, no one should feel that way.
Great poem, Chris. The emotions are so overwhelming. Just wow.

[unsavable_soul]

Thanks, we can all be a bit shaky about our work at times. You make me feel better about this piece. This is a retrospective piece so it has passed but with me I forgive, I let higher powers attempt to forget.
You are ever helpful and a good friend as always.
Sincerely
Chris

[Harrisen Viator]

Well, I'm glad that I can help out!
And it's always good to let things go, especially through poetry, too.
And no problem dude, I'm glad to have found you through this site.