Do you see me?

Poetry speaks

Hello God.

I hope no one else reads this,

I just want to talk to you.

Did you see me?

Not right now,

but a few nights ago.

Those tears on my cheeks

they woke me.

I was so afraid,

so very afraid.

Was I dying god?

I felt it.

Death is so cold,

but not a freezing kind.

More like...

I guess I don't know.

But did you see it god?

Did you weep?

Fear.

That word now seems small.

It can't describe,

not in the slightest.

I should of screamed,

so why not?

I cried for you,

did you hear it?

I felt hot,

my body wouldn't cool.

I know I said cold,

but you don't get it.

Death was cold,

and my body so hot,

so very hot.

If I died that night,

no one would have known.

I did.

That's why I want to know

Did you see me God?

Fear is one thing,

helplessness is another.

Neither was true that night

at least not fully.

Oh,

I was definitely scared,

terrified even.

I also felt helpless

and even alone.

But that's not all.

Death,

yes.

that's what I felt.

Did you see it God?

I don't want that feeling ever again.

Please.

Please God!

Don't let me feel that again!

Give me fear!

Let me be helpless!

Just don't let me feel that.

Sadness,

it makes people invite death.

We all cry for it

at least on our bad days.

And I can say it's true,

the sadness goes away.

Fear is not your biggest worry,

neither is your pain.

Death.

That's all you think.

In the end there's a calm,

it's just as your heart stops.

Your still conscious,

but your dead.

It's so calm,

and quiet.

That's when you see,

the most terrifying thing.

I no longer asked if you could see me God,

not in that moment.

I felt eyes watching,

and they weren't yours.

I know you saw me God.

As that's why I'm here today.

I know I wanted to talk alone God,

but I know it's impossible.

As it's always watching.

It was there.

Fear?

No.

That no longer is my biggest worry,

as it has plenty of it.

Helplessness?

Not even.

You know its name,

as you've probably said it before.

Maybe you invited it in,

or at least thought about it.

But don't. 

Because you see,

it grants your wish.

Depression.

Yeah I know.

I know your reason,

why you have that wish.

I won't lie,

It makes that go away,

and how you will want that back.

Fear.

Not even close.

Death.

I felt it.

Can I be honest with you.

You may not believe in God,

and that's fine.

You may not want to live,

and that's fine.

You may not trust me,

that's also fine.

But death.

It's real.

I saw it's face

when I was looking for God.

Terrifying.

You will never die,

but meet a thing named death.

Live with it you will,

while asking every second.

Do you see me God?

Help me.