Adding Up the Numbers

A birthday poem of sorts.

2V/23=112
March 4, 2008 / 3:41 pm

Twenty-three in eight days.
Four years since I felt on
Track, two days since I
Drank coffee, six months
Since I felt the sun, ten
Weeks since I've talked
To my father, forty-six
Days until I see my family,
Two hours till Mark gets
Home, fourteen minutes
Since I smoked a cigarette,
Five months since I drank
Vodka. And all this adds up
To what? One hundred twelve
Reasons why twenty-three
Will be the best year the Earth
Has ever had Val on it.

Author's Note

Say happy birthday to me.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

Happy 23rd birthday [belated, or not until the 12th?]

It's technically just a list, yet you work magic with it, holding the reader's interest; it's appealing because of how human it is, and the insightful glimpses into the narrator's life that it provides.

Nice work.
Have a great year.

[BjH]

Happy Birthday

Why have I only just read this?
It is solid, and runs from the first line to the last.
Numbers Number Numbers

Cheers'm'dears

[J. Hampton]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ....

Very creative mulling of thoughts...
I like the way you jammed the text....in a run-on kind of way...
its the way one might feel in recounting hindsight with random landmarks
effective

Blesssssssssssssss

[E. M. Murren]

Happy Birthday Val. This was really creative and enjoyable to read. Fine work. Many cheers.

[Emily B]

Happy Belated Birthday. Such an original way to look forward.I enjoyed it very much.

[J]

Haha, whatta classic last line, so Val... so mischievous and... spritely... for an ancient 23 year old rabbit!

Mwah.

Happy birthday you old fart =)

Here's a really serious birthday poem to ponder upon... I tell ya, it's the most soul-crushing, emo write ever... be prepared...


'the most serious poem ever. ever!'


harrumph. dumptydump. i bet you no-one's ever used that
in a first line of a poem. i bet you i'm a baboon at times,
a stirrup short of the saddle, a blown-up balloon
about to go pop. moo. and other flavoured
silliness. shoo. i will. just not right now.
harrumph. dumptydump.
poo.



(Told ya it was scary)

[Juliette Cross]

one day i walked to a telephone pole and observed. the birds were alive and they looked at me collectively and said "we are with you. and hello" because they see while we sit around and wait. i was thinking about a friend who happened to be born one day and i bumped into her in the universe and i said hello, hello because we were growing at the same time. we looked at the sky one day, collectively because we could, we understood. i kicked the ground and pretended the dust was moving circles of clouds. it took time. we all take time. the world spins and i wonder aloud, what exactly did the sky look like on the day that you were born?

happy birthday val
-juliette

[Hedra Helix]

Happy b day!

Last line would be brilliant. I'd love to see it. Of me too.