I Guess The F****n Thing Is Broken

Repost

Oh, Jeez
September 12, 2006 / 10:56 am

Our first word of
Prayer was an exercise in
Futility because you never
Listen to reason, rage, or rhyme.
And I'm bending over backwards
Just to make you see that I'm
Not twisting your arm into
Loving me. Your a stubborn
S**t just like I am and
Of course that makes me
Want to have you even more.
If your falling hard like I am
I wish you'd just fall with it.
You know I'm a strictly go with
The flow kinda girl and you
Being against my grain is like
Water flowing towards the Moon.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

This is such an endearing poem, if that's not too lame a description. Loveable. The beat and rhythm are well-crafted and fall on the mind's ears like a much welcome anthem, carried along by the skilful rhyming.
As always, I love the attitude you've projected into your narrative voice.
Good language, and that final simile is excellent; a great way to exit the piece.
Overall, good work. I liked this a lot.

p.s.
"Your a stubborn"
"If your falling hard like I am"
[both "your" = you're - unless this is deliberate, to evade punctuation?]

[Legion]

Abrasively endearing. I like it. An in-your-face with it kind of piece. Well done.

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

good.. very good I like the natural feel to this..very good

[J]

You're so real, Val.
You know I love your s**t.

[UpComesDown]

This is really fantastic! You have a great flow with this one. I do quite enjoy the simile at the end.
These were my favorite lines:

"And I'm bending over backwards
Just to make you see that I'm
Not twisting your arm into
Loving me."

I love that a lot. It seems so very lyrical. The make of a good song. Good job!

[.]

I loved this! It was fast, funny and directly to the point of lust in life.
I can totally relate to the part about people who go against the grain of who I am. It's so frustrating at times.

Wonderful Ink!

Tara M Stone

[Tim McGovern]

The last line is killer