Amongst the Page

Amongst the Page

An Ode to Lyn Heijinian and A Border Comedy

 

A deeper flavor makes for a better tasting etouffée

I am consumed by its tastiness but would rather die than eat etouffée infinitely or base

everything I taste upon the robustness of this one meal.

I learned this from Lyn Heijinian and has she ever eaten etouffée before?

a three day old concoction

I didn’t want to waste

If I don’t eat it all I wonder what I’m throwing away

 

A Border Comedy is

that you hear what I say

 

but you don’t know what I’ve said

And I’m not sure what you’ve read

but even greater than understanding such absurdity is

it is doing and it will soon be done soon.

Absurdity seeming so

in the impossibility to identify and label

guarantee en masse

never because it actually is

or ever was so

that you will ever understand what I am trying to make you to hear.

I will never know and perhaps it will never matter

Thinking I ever wanted more than face value from life

how absurd it is

that yesterday I was merely sad

But today I realize I was and am sadistic so

I am dying to ask Heijinian if this is true

because I think that’s what she said

and if time flies with the birds

its all over the place

and I may never be sad again if the face stays in the clouds where it belongs so I can stop

this nightmare where I follow myself in circles and just go

realizing I never was sad.

murder dwells in every word I read

unknowingly she has killed

an idle vision of melancholy

with a pencil and paper

or it could have been a typewriter

or maybe Word 2007

and I’ll be jealous if Word 2007 doesn’t give her half the bullshit it gives me.

but that is what I was saying yesterday�'

wondering aimlessly as to why life doesn’t give everyone  else  as much crap

and now

 

 

 

 

I realize

it can’t.

 

So in context

I am no longer upset.

 

 

I want  Heijinian to know exactly that

but she’ll only understand in context because the monsters of reality

idle ghosts of perception

haunting the between and in between

greedily feed upon the power of words

weakening communication and throttling misunderstanding

into more than one’s comprehension of literature but also

the comprehension of one’s self.

Realize the sadistic nature of the mind to conclude from what it perceives.

The spark of delusion is realizing something from nothing.

So I read her aloud and

the words rot my teeth in their sweetness

because in the context of my reading Book 1 of A Border Comedy

in between my life my childhood the sound of the dryer and the dirty etouffée bowl

I found myself in her words.