May you be the tougher.

My steph father was diagnosed with pancreas cancer a few days ago. I wrote this for him.

Fears

Tears

Beams

Broken dreams

 

The world shivers, my breath stands still.

 

Why did you become ill?

 

Flashing lights

no more fights.

 

The bright pearl

its  life to unfurl.

 

Fears

Tears

Beams

Broken dreams

 

I pray for you to overcome

all pain and suffer.

May you become

the tougher.

 

Author's Note

New style of writing. I hope you like it.

Reviews

[Matt G]

I really like this and the ending is very powerful, I only have one problem with it. It feels sort of forced, like you didn't feel like writing, but did anyway. Despite this, it is a very nice piece and it is also powerful. It hit home with the ending and forced some feelings out of me having had someone close to me suffer like this and me wishing them to over come it. Great job with this and I like this style also. =)

[Needy]

Powerful. I like it

[nono]

WHOA! I LOVED IT! it was beautiful and very descriptive.....I could Read this a thousand times and it i wouldn't change my mind on how well written this is!

[Candylove.]

whoa! I really enjoyed this. Beautifully written. "The world shivers, my breath stands still," epic line! Good work. :)

[KL]

My thoughts go out to your stepfather. A decent poem, the only line that really didn't work for me was 'I pray for you to overcome/all pain and suffer,' I understand if you were trying to rhyme something with tougher but the only word that would make sense here would be 'suffering.' The rest of the poem had a nice, erratic feel to it (significant of this kind of chaotic news perhaps?) but that ending stanza is what ruins it for me! Fix that up and you have a gem!

[amnashah]

Nice and touching!

[HappyTaylor]

This is a really sweet piece. It's really heartfelt. I also really like the new style. :) Very interesting. Great job.:)

[CherryBomb]

im sorry to hear that =(
this is sweet!
greatt writingg!

[Bad Wolf~]

i am sorry for your step father and i rlly like your writing. good job,matey x

[Elwina]

I really like it. You capture very well the shock of the announcement, and the fact that you wish for him is opening to the future, with the strengh of courage, and a ray of hope. Very nicely done.