Loved

A Chapter by Annie

I'm so sorry, this chapter has taken ages to get out. I've had a lot of homework, and I have mocks coming up soon, so again, I apologise. I've also been in hospital and had a few tests, and I've been so tired thanks to them. Excuses, excuses, ahah! I'll try to find more time to write, promise!

Someone asked me to write more about Clove's past and friendships, so here's a Clove-reminiscing-on-her-past chapter. Enjoy!

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The silence seems to stretch on forever.
“You need to get your head out of the clouds, and sort yourself out. Right now.”
“No.” Is my only answer. I scowl and lock the door, then push a posh-looking urn up against it, hopefully blocking off the outside world for a bit. I sit on the bed and slowly sink into it, shutting my eyes. I can’t let anything happen to Cato, but what about Lisbeth? We can’t exactly play up the whole romance thing; we’re Careers, after all.

“You will now be known as ‘Career’, instead of ‘Mr.’ or ‘Miss.’, understand? You can’t show compassion. Only the burning hatred that shall bring pride to us. You will train every day. Schooling is optional, but often disregarded. Do you understand?” We all nod simultaneously as the Head Trainer begins to finish off the assembly with a message to the 18 year-olds. At 16, I don’t need to worry at all. “You shall each receive personal training, and you must all be prepared for next week, when the Arena shall be set up for the volunteer candidates. Alright then, all of you! Be here tomorrow, 6 o’clock sharp!” His final words, which are spat all over us with a snarl and a crinkle of the nose, remind me that tomorrow isn’t a break day. I sigh and pick myself up with the other 16 year-olds. We file out slowly, a few go left to the canteen, others right, to go home. I ponder on grabbing a snack, then remember my promise to Lisbeth this morning. I rush to the changing rooms, shoving past the younger ones, and quickly drag off my sweaty training clothes.
“Clove, are you alright?” I smile when I hear Kasia’s voice behind me. I spin around with my shoe in my hand.
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” I give my renowned cocky smirk and brush my hair from my face. “How are you? And how’s Caspar?” I wink when I see her cheeks burn crimson.
“Shut up, don’t let anyone hear you, you idiot. And we’re... fine.” She blushes again, and I shake my head in joke exasperation.
“Silly girl, you’re supposed to be a Career, you can’t fall in love!” I raise my voice a little and watch as panic grows in her eyes, then shake my head and, after packing up my backpack, grab her by the wrist and drag her outside.
“Clove, shut it. Seriously. He could die.” She mutters into my ear, sounding harsh and deadly. I have to fight back another smirk, surely the rubbish about killing off lovers is a load of nonsense.
“Yeah, whatever. I need to get Lisbeth. I’ll see you tomorrow, OK? Give me the gossip then.” I laugh and wave goodbye, then spin back around right into someone. I take a few steps back and apologise absent-mindedly, like I couldn’t care less. Which I don’t.
“Jeez, watch where you’re - Oh, hey Clove.” I roll my eyes when Cato crosses his arms across his chest, trying to look like he owns the place.
“Back off, Cato.” I push him and carry on towards the gate.
“Excuse me? Is our knife girl getting edgy?” He sounds irritated as he laughs, like he doesn’t want to be there. I don’t turn back, instead I continue out of the gate. Cato catches my eye as I make my way down the road, and winks. Wait, he winked? I shake my head, I’m clearly daydreaming, my head getting full of Kasia and Caspar.

“Clove!” I hear a loud giggle come from the 13 year-old block at the younger half of the training school. I sigh and grab my sister’s bag, and wrap my arm around her shoulder.
“How’s my mini knife thrower?” I pull my mouth into a twisted smile as we walk home together.
“She’s well, thank you. And how’s my scary big sister who can do anything and everything and should volunteer because she’s so amazing and is really pretty and would probably be a boy magnet is she wasn’t a Career and -” Lisbeth’s speaking so fast that I have to cut her off.
“Woah, calm down...” I swallow my words when I feel someone staring at me, and c**k my head to see Cato stood with his friends outside his house, throwing things at the younger children. As soon as I meet his gaze, his eyes flicker away.

Was I that stupid? Did I really not know what that weird feeling was in my stomach whenever Cato looked at me? I pull a pillow over my face and try not to cry when I remember Kasia. I can’t cry. Because Careers don’t cry.

“Kasia?” I knock on the door and step back. I glance through the window and bite my lip. Something’s wrong. She wasn’t in training yesterday. Or last week. She hasn’t met me at our walking spot either, and I’ve been late twice. I can’t let that happen again, no way. “Kasia, are you there?” I start to pound on the door, is she even home? Where has she gone?
“What do you want, Clove?” The door snaps open and I leap back into a feline position, ready to strike. There’s no point, it’s not anyone I need to attack. Kasia’s Mother stands in the doorway looking fragile and old. I feel myself arching an eyebrow.
“I was looking for Kasia. She hasn’t been in school and -”
“She’s dead.” I stand in shock for a moment at her words.
“No she’s not, she’s -”
“She’s dead, Clove.” She hands me a slip of card and slams the door in my face. I can’t find words. I’ve lost the feeling in my hands. When I look at the card, I recognise Kasia’s swirly handwriting.

Clove. I’m going to be executed. The Peacekeepers came to our house. I know they’re here for me. They found out about me and Caspar somehow. I hope you get this from Mam. I know you’d never tell, not really. I’m so, so sorry. I should have been more careful. Be nice to Caspar’s family, and Mam, too. Don’t cry. You’re a Career. You’re not supposed to. You’re a strong, amazing girl, Clove. One day, you’ll go out there and win these games. For me. For my Mam. For Caspar. And for Lisbeth.
Thank you for always being there. Right there.

I cough up my tears when I read it through again. Who could have done that? If it wasn’t me, who gave them away? I kick a few rocks, punch Kasia’s letterbox and storm down the road, clenching my fists and biting down hard on my tongue to stop myself from showing emotion. She’s right. Careers don’t cry.
“Where do you think you’re going, Roxen?” I rip my arm from someone’s grip as I continue down the road towards the training center. I know what the message means. There’s something missing in the puzzle. “Clove, it’s the Arena training. You can’t go in there.”
“Get lost, Cato.” I snarl and push him away.
“Fine, I’ll come in with you. At least I can maybe back you up.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be in there yourself?” I frown.
“I’ve already done it.”
“Oh.” There’s a long silence whilst I try to walk ahead of him, making my way towards the changing rooms.
“What are you doing here anyway?” He asks.
“Kasia died.” It sounds wrong in my mouth, like I’m trying to swallow some horrible substance.
“What?” His voice is so sharp that I almost jump.
“She’s dead. She was executed because she fell in love.” I realise how disgusting it sounds. “She was executed because she’s a Career, Cato. That’s why we’re here. To die.” I take a sharp breath and blink away more tears, and burst into a sprint towards the doors. As soon as I’m inside, I make my way to her locker. Right there. That’s what she always said when she talked about her locket. The one Caspar gave to her. I pull the locker open and hope it hasn’t been cleared out. I reach across to the back and find the nook, then tug hard at the metal back. It comes away easily, and I grapple around behind it, and find the thin chain. I feel the cold metal of the locket fall into my palm and know that this is the real message. When I open it, I find two pictures. One of Caspar.
And one of me.
I’m almost sick with rage. How could they kill her? Why would they do that?
“Clove Roxen?” I shrug and turn to see the ‘Head Gamemaker’ stood across the room. He beckons to me and I follow unwillingly. This isn’t a training center. This isn’t a school for Careers. This is a death sentence. This is the real Arena.

My eyes flicker open and I scream. Nightmarish images flood my mind when I remember what happened, and I fight them off desperately. I run to the window and open it, pulling frantically at the handle.
“Clove Roxen?” I screech again when I hear my name being called. It’s Lysander.
“Get out.”
“No. We need to talk.” He’s had the decency to put a top on, at last.
“What about?” I try to sound confident but it doesn’t really work.
“Cato.” I shoot him a iced stare.
“Get out.” Another voice, not mine, comes from the doorway. My head snaps up and I see Cato there, glaring with a hard, cold feeling in his eyes. Lysander takes one look at him, and, knowing that he could burst, leaves without another word.
I find myself in Cato’s arms before we’ve said another word to each other, or even shut the door.
“Are you ok? I heard you scream.” He mumbles into my hair.
“Nightmares.” I say, burying my face in his shirt, tiredness sweeping over me.
“Not anymore. Pentha can’t tell me what to do. I don’t care. You’re sleeping with me tonight.” He pulls out of the hug and smiles at me a little. He’s someone different. He’s not an arrogant, self-obsessed pig anymore. He’s Cato. He’s funny, sweet, charismatic Cato. When he wants to be. I stumble back into bed, oblivious to the world as it fades out again. Almost as soon as my eyes shut, I feel Cato’s strong arms around me.
“Thank you.” I manage to slur as darkness starts to cloud my vision.
“We can’t do this in the Arena, you know. This.” He says. I attempt a nod.
“I know.” It’s getting darker and darker. I feel my eyes drooping.
“I love you, Clovely.”

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