Who I Wished You Were

Yesterday my best friend told me she felt my reconciliation sentiments seemed fake and proceeded to say "I guess I haven't let go of who I wish you were. Until then nothing will be fine". It hurt.

Today I wished upon a star, I wished to change who you are.
Not because you aren't so great, but just in hoping to relate. 

I wish you were kind and caring, and empath at best

Instead of constantly daring, or defensively expressed

That you'd tell me whats wrong

Instead of yell me whats wrong.

Because yelling your problems doesn't quite get you heard. 

My ears are bloody and sore

They cant quite take it anymore,

The yelling and crying,

The pain and prying.

I wish you spoke up when you were sad

Instead of festering internally until that became mad.

Because mad is a point for resentment,

but sad gives a chance for future contentment.

Because sad lingers for a short while,

but mad infects your brain, body, and bile.

Anyone can help with sad, 

But there can only be one to relinquish mad.

I wish you thought before you spoke,

Or at least understood the agony your words evoke.

They're hateful, painful, maybe a little disdainful.

The poison is creeping in,

And that's exactly how you let resentment win.

I wish you could see that I'm trying to love you,

to laugh, to smile, to live.

I'm trying so hard but you say I'm not letting you in

But your harsh words from before shut the door,

I cant open more when I'm crying on the floor

And you don't know what to do

But its not for you to do, but be there for me.

Cause that's what friendship is,

trading constantly.

I wish you would let go of the pain 

Instead of rear on it everyday.

I wish you were working on your future:1 year, 3 years, 5. 

It doesn't matter

I wish you didn't want to change me.

Cause its not me you're thinking about, its who you wished I'd be.

When you told me that it broke me.

So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not who you wished I was.

I'm sorry I'm not the incarnation of a dream figure, 

That can whisk away all that bitter.

And I'm sorry I deceived you into thinking 

I'm someone I'm not, honest to god. 

But I'm not sorry for being me. 

I'm not sorry for doing me. 

That's when the problems truly came to be, 

Is when I finally put you after me.

Because I cant take care of you 

If I cant take care of me. 

Once I wished upon a star

And not to change who you are. 

Just to understand why, why, why.

You wish I was someone else, I cry.