stench of my bitterness

           I float in the valley of tears.

Resting and contemplating the fears

  I tried to hide and compress.

Then I breath-in the putrid stench of my bitterness.

         Isolation has come to its hollowed broodiness.

Why must I touch in manic solemnity

     the borders of your loyalty?

Though I felt it was meant to be,

But then I know it was so wrong

                      a mistake that gone prolong. + + +

           Until we were on the edge of loss

       conflict of families that we had caused.

 

Family, cousin, friends and lovers turn their back on us

            As if we’re such a huge embarrassment

             I can’t blame them for their confinement 

                            much farther away from us. . .

But what I can’t take is that you abandon me as well,

                                      without any reason to tell.

You have left me on the dark corners.

            Now alone in this vast waters,

                    feeling the waves that never come

                                 waiting, waiting till the end~

 

Author's Note

this is quite sad and lonely poem... i wonder...

Reviews

[gabrielle]

how can something so deeply melancholic can at the same time be so equally beautiful?
You really have ways of weaving words kabayan. It truly touches the emotions. As to the content, i would say that it mirrors reality as sometimes "against all odds situations" just end up to nothing but then this is not always the case. I think this sad poem just made me a pessimist. ..^_^.. Beautifully penned as always.

[Pax]

thank you dear kabayan, a very nice smile you have there.. :)

[kublakhan27]

I don't know what it is that inspired such an unequivocal statement of resignation, but I hope you can take some solace in the fact that you've written a phenomenal piece...maybe that's the first step towards reversing that resignation...trust me, I know that's a hell of a lot easier to say than to do, but a poem of this magnitude is certainly a great place to start :)

[Pax]

:) thank you greatly as always my friend...

[kublakhan27]

You're most welcome :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Beautifully bittersweet. Great Job Mr Pax

[Pax]

thank you my friend.

[Andie]

Very emotional to read, thought I still enjoyed it.
Good job, Pax.

[Pax]

thank you ms. Amanda...

[Andie]

Your welcome Pax.

[Marie]

Very sad and lonely indeed...floating in butter tears...

[Pax]

thank you Marie my friend..

[Lost in Wonderland]

Wonderful picture of lonlieness and hurt and sorrow, how we feel as of it drowns us. Great job my friend

[Pax]

thank you my friend.. your great as always!

[Sami Khalil]

Now alone in this vast waters,

feeling the waves that never come
Wow. That is some powerful feelings that sums up the whole ordeal you are going through . These two lines will take volumes so do speak but I get your meanings...
Another of your great writes Mr.Pax . So deep and emotive...:)

[Pax]

my friend thank you so much....

[Sami Khalil]

You are quite welcome...:)

[Happy]

Constructive:
Title should be, 'Stench of My Bitterness'
Why are there addition signs?
I know you're trying to keep the rhyme scheme, but "cause" should be "caused" It doesn't sound right the way you have it now. Almost like forced rhyme.
"...turn their back at us." -> "...turn their back on us."
"...away from us..." -> "...away form us...." There are four dots when it's at the end of a sentence.
It seems like your rhyme scheme is forced in a lot of places.

Enjoyed:
I actually liked this, save all the mistakes. The words you used were very descriptive--I loved that about it! A few edits needing done, but this was still a very beautiful poem.

[Pax]

thank you greatly for the correction, i appreciate that. and about your question well it plays a symbolic part for me though its just simplistic to me...like the way the prolong is meant... addition sign adds up to the longivity of the subject matter... and the dots are my expressions of away... i used it alot actually... like now :) ... you are very contructive and i very much appreciate that... and about the force rhyme...i guess your right, maybe because it somewhat a release of the narrators pain... so its a bit force...

[quinfinn]

well, it seems that your block has ended. this is a superb write.

[Pax]

I'm still hopeful it will not be permanent... from time to time it comes by to block me... a great picture really helps me...thank you my friend.

[Corset]

oh it does come across sad and lonely, but we all feel this way sometimes. I know I have, releasing it though helps, and you have done a beautiful job of that. Pent us stress and loneliness can cause illness, we don't want that!

[Pax]

hey bright star as you are thank you greatly...