I became the joke

- just a release, wanting to expressed this sad disbelief i suffer often times...

I started to be jolly then I became the joke, I get used to it somehow - but often times I felt the sting that I am the sore loser in the end…

 

Tired, but not wanting to lose the happy façade I pretend - for I don’t want to rub disbelief to anyone whose life is content.

Author's Note

I'll be hiding this soon...this is quite personal...

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Life is like the ocean, full of different currents and debris and fish in the sea. Yet, one thing is a truth within the wild blue.... we all are swimming in it too. So even when the storms keep up the surf, and spray and salt gets in the eyes. Just remember you've got friends, who shall shelter the cries.

I'm sure that what ever it is that has inspiried these four lines that you have writen, will, like the winds and clouds...blow on by.

Aaron =)

[Pax]

your words are like poetry itself mr. A...
thank you so much...
Like the wind, often times it comes but i am waiting all the same for i know it will come...
grateful with your amazing response...

[Zeverin Kpai]

I am reminded of the firm
Lamenting. Paper at my door
Restriction notice, glanceless fur
Annoint the day for which I yearn
and floors and ceilings all combine
to comb your faces gently off
a coughing hurtful yet unfurled
whatever else had made her soft

[Pax]

thank you for that poetic respond mr. Zeverin...

[kublakhan27]

It may be personal, but it speaks to me on a level of magnitude that I can't put into words...I relate, I can say nothing more or less...keep fighting the good fight my friend, I know how insurmountable it all feels at times, but you're not alone.

[Pax]

your words are more than enough my friend...
it's always amazing to hear i am not alone - for often times i have felt i am all alone in this present land i am in.... it's hard being far from your love ones, but here in wc i found my real friends, you included... i am grateful always!

[kublakhan27]

Again I sympathize deeply with your words, and you know you're in the company of friends here...always a pleasure my friend.

[Rafia ~ Yellow Girl]

A bitter truth of the day, well penned.
Loved the brevity!

[Pax]

thank you Rafia!

[Marie]

Perhaps if you pretend happiness, it will become real...

[Pax]

sometimes Marie it works and i am becoming good at pretending and it become real enough for me to be happy about...though sometimes reality strikes when you least expected....

you are so ever keen my friend... thank you very much...

[Jem Sagcal]

Simple, but with great meaning that perhaps a lot of people are going through too. I, for one, find myself completely relating to those very words; "Tired, but not wanting to lose the happy facade..." It's so hard to just let yourself be absolutely true to everyone, because we're all so afraid of just everything.

I have no advice for what you are going through, as I feel them too. But what keeps me going, is knowing that we're not alone, not really.

[Pax]

hey kabayan... its nice to see you... thank you...
I am grateful sayo... kasi ganun naman talaga ang buhay... and i choose to keep moving forward... bahala na diba...hay...

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I can relate to you on this one...I'm glad you shared it. I often times feel completely out of control in my own head, but on the outside I must remain calm, cool and collected. There are times, walking through the supermarket (say), watching all the "soccor moms" with their broods, seeing the people struggle to decide which lunchmeat to buy as if it is the biggest decision of their life, when I just want to throw up my hands and scream as loudly as I possibly can...of coure I don't, but you get the picture. I think you were brave and honest to share this...thank you for giving me something to latch on to.

[Pax]

thank you for sharing your thoughts my friend - it's so great to hear you could relate to it...

[Coyote Poetry]

I don't know. For 10 years of my life. I like to create laughter. I changed. Now I rarely laugh. Which is sad. Life give us opportunity to be many things. Better to create laughter than tears. In the end. We must like the person in the mirror looking back. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry and thoughts.
Coyote

[Pax]

my friend you always say such good things - thank you!

[asdarkeyesclose]

i'm so sorry you feel this way. I think it is important to stay positive and try to keep thinking positive. I know its easy to say but I've suffered lot from depression and I find it helps me. sometimes we can take things people say to heart that hurt though it wasn't their intention to hurt us, sometimes you have to just try and brush it off. thank you for sharing something so intensely sensitive with us. your words mean a lot :)

[Pax]

thank you for feeling the feel of the poems, yes i do it more times just to brush off the feeling even though it stings... writing it out helps, i find wc is my little journal and you my friend already help alot... i am grateful...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think sharing the pain is what poets are all about...

did you mean "disbelief"??

but yes, we sometimes feel like the joke when relationships constantly end badly...and we wonder why we got involved in the first place..

reminds me of the Bee Gees' song "i started a joke, which started the whole world crying"
"oh but i didn't see, that the joke was on me."

very relatable, Pax....i have felt this way many a time.

jacob

[Pax]

thanks mr. jacob, i always appreciate the help - i have change the typo...
in the side note, i was thinking about that song as i wrote this... how the song had a huge effect on my life and others.... i am glad you can relate to the feelings for that i don't feel alone...

thank you very much...