Under normal conditions I cannot wait for the weekend to come. Before it arrives, I always tell myself that I will catch up on sleep , and finish one of the many books I'm reading. Only to make a deal with myself that I will do it all next weekend. Knowing only too well that I will break the deal again.
It's probably a good thing I don't have a multiple personality disorder. If I did, I'm quite sure that the personality I would have made the deal with, would be a loan shark for the mob. Then I would have to kick my own a*s. Explaining how I got a broken arm and a black eye, to friends and family, would be a nightmare. But I would do it everyday, If I never had to cope with one Friday last December.
The cold morning added to the misery, and I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed. I knew what the day was to bring. In fact, I knew four days ahead. There was a plan, a horrible plan that I arranged, and it would be set in motion as soon as the covers were off me.
I cursed the day as I got up to check on my old friend, he was still asleep, and I couldn't help but watch him for a moment. His eye were fluttering; a sure sign of dreaming. At that moment, I truly wished he could stay like that forever: happy in his own mind. My breath became shallow as I pleaded to the sky for one more year; one more day; one more anything! I DON'T WANT TO!
His eyes opened, and he was a little startled of my presents. We both looked at each other, and for a moment I swore he knew what I was planning. To this day, the look he gave me is etched deep into my mind. All I could do is sit down next to him and cry.
After gathering my senses, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a whole package of hot dogs. Normally I would allow him to eat a whole package of hot dogs, but this was no ordinary day. He saw me walking towards him, his ears perked up, and his eyes became full of life, and I found myself questioning if the plan was a horrible mistake.
With the hot dogs gone, it was time to go. He tried jumping to his feet when he saw the leash, only to fall back down. I began crying again, as I helped my friend up. With his tail wagging, I put the leash on him and we walked slowly out the door. Before getting into the car, we walked around; making sure to check out every telephone pole and fire hydrant. Other dogs were barking in the distance, and I became jealous of their owners... I couldn't take it anymore, we had to go.
The car ride was horrid. He was sitting in the back seat. I could see him, poking his nose out the opened window. His sniffer was going a mile a minute. What was he smelling? What is he thinking? These questions tormented me, and I found myself wanting to turn the car around. Just one more telephone pole... is that too much to ask for? It was, of course. The adult in me knew it.
We arrived with five minutes to spare, and together we walked around the edge of the parking lot. I found myself gravitating to the doctor's BMW, in the hopes that my friend would give a parting gift, near it, while an acidic thought ran in my mind: He sure makes a lot of money for being a heartless a*s.
Walking from the parking lot, we witnessed a delivery truck pull in. I envied that man. Going through his day, just like any other. I looked at my friend. He showed no emotion at the sight of the delivery man. In his youth he would have done all he could to scare the evil person holding the strange package. My eyes became hazy while I thought about that.
Many things ran through my head then. The pumpkin pie that he stole from the counter top during Thanksgiving; the time he accidentally jumped the fence, and was so scared he laid down as close to it as he could; the day I got so angry at him for chewing up the drywall in the laundry room... You can have all the drywall you want buddy, let's go home.
Time sucks, it loves pain. I'm sure it relished my heart falling as we walked into the room. The doctor was there, waiting. He greeted me and I forced myself to say hello. I saw the needle in his hand. It flashed in the fluorescent light, and he asked me if I thought my friend needed a muzzle put on him. He must have known that question pissed me off, cause he immediately retracted it. I held him tight to me, he was so warm: alive. The doctor came in close, and my friend yelped. HE YELPED! Why did he have to yelp! I'm so sorry. I'M SO SORRY!
I love you Rex. I miss you so much.
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