Chapter: Mysterious Cave

                Moeta couldn’t get the hot sand out from between his toes. Why did he have to wear these stupid sandals anyway? They were too shiny and were horrible for playing outside.  He wished he could wear his old boots. They were sand proof.

                “But those aren’t fitting for a prince,” he said to himself in a mocking tone. He thought his other shoes still fit just fine. Well, maybe he needed a size bigger.

                Moeta considered just throwing the fancy sandals to the side and running barefoot in the sand, but he would definitely get in trouble if anyone found out. Actually, he would probably get in trouble if anyone found out he was playing in the dunes in his new clothes.

                ‘Oh, well. My teacher’s going to get mad at me for skipping lessons, anyway.’

               

                Moeta continued running along the dunes, going farther and farther into the desert. When he turned around to look how far he had gone, the palace looked like tiny stones in the sand. That was usually as far as he would go to make sure he never got lost, and partly because people said there were elf-eating beasts out there. But he just had to see more. And he wasn’t tired at all yet.

                Before long, Moeta’s wishes were fulfilled. He spied a large rock ahead, standing beside a small oasis. There were no beasts in sight.

                Moeta ran to the bottom of the hill where the water started and flipped off his sandals so he could splash in the refreshing pool. He made his way past a few trees, kinds he had never seen before. When he came to the base of the rocky structure, he discovered a cave more than large enough to travel through.

                “Wow.” Moeta wondered aloud. He slowly stepped inside the cave. A small stream of water was gradually trickling through it. He decided to follow the stream up the rocks inside the cave to see where it led.

                Moeta expected it to get darker as he went deeper into the cave, but the light stayed about the same and sandy path grew moister. Instead of moving lower into the ground, the tunnel kept going upwards. The farther he went, the more the stone walls of the cave were covered by a plush, wet plant he was unfamiliar with. And just as the path began to level out, the stream of water widened, and the light grew stronger. He must have been getting closer to the other end of the cave.

                Then the cave ended entirely and opened into a small lake surrounded by the tallest trees Moeta had ever seen.

                His jaw went slack. “What is this place?” he asked no one in particular. He decided to circle around the body of water and head through the trees.

 

                Moeta was starting to wish he hadn’t left his sandals behind. Broken twigs were pricking his feet and insects were biting his toes. He wasn’t expecting this kind of environment after passing through the small cave. Just how could the land go from nearly barren dunes to a forest?

                Not far through the trees was a narrow gravel path that continued quite a ways downhill. He decided to follow down the side of it, not wanting to rough up his feet even more. He hadn’t walked far when heard something huge barreling down the hill from behind him. After jumping away from the path, he turned around to see a large, shiny machine hurtling past him.

                “What was that?” Moeta whispered in awe.

                “Well, that’s a car, dear.” Came a voice from the ground

                Moeta looked to his feet to find a gnome there.

                “Are you lost?” She asked.

                “You’re a gnome!” Moeta could hardly keep up with all of these first encounters.

                “Yes, I am. And what might you be, dear?”

                “A fire elf.” Moeta replied.

                “Well, how about that!” The gnome said.

                “What was that thing?” Moeta asked.

                “Why, that was a car. It’s a vehicle humans drive.” She explained.

                “Humans? You mean they still exist?”

                “Still? Oh my, you must be very lost indeed.” The gnome continued. “Would you like me to help you find your way home?”

                Moeta shook his head. “No, I remember how I got here…”

                “Then I would hurry back, if I were you. Don’t want to get lost in a strange place. And your folks must be worried sick!”

                Moeta decided to take the gnome’s advice. His feet hurt and he was starting to get hungry. He knew he would get in trouble for skipping lessons, but it was worth it. This place was amazing!         

 

                When Moeta made it back to the palace, he was surprised to see his teacher not waiting at the back gate to scold him. Only one guard stood between the gilded pillars and let him pass without a word. Moeta headed to the library where classes were held. He looked between all the rows of bookshelves, but found no one, and not even a servant. A tightness developed in his stomach as he realized what was going on. Moeta sprinted all the way to the master chamber.

                After he burst through the bedroom door, the first thing he saw was the canopy drapes over the bed, pulled back to let in the afternoon sun. His mother, Kari, sat amid the many cushions, reading a book. Moeta’s teacher, who was also the head physician, was nowhere sight. Moeta let out the breath he had been holding.

                “Mom!” He rushed toward her and jumped onto the pillow beside her.

                “Hello, Momo.” She replied.

                Moeta hugged her, but not too tightly. “Are you feeling well?”

                “Of course, honey. I’m doing fine.” She hugged him back. “What about you? You look as though you just saw a ghost.”

                He shook his head. “Mom, where was the professor today?”

                “He caught a fever. You didn’t know?”

                “Um…”

                Kari looked at her son knowingly. “You didn’t go to lessons this morning, did you?”

                “No, Mother.”

                “I suppose it’s a lucky day for you, then.” She gave his belly a poke.

                Moeta laughed. “But not for my teacher.”

                “No, I suppose not. And chances are, he won’t be able to teach you tomorrow either.”

                “Really?” He smiled. “I mean, I hope he feels better soon…” He corrected himself.

                Kari smiled. “You’ve been taught well.”

                “Mom, will you read to me?” Moeta asked.

                “Of course, honey.”

               

                The next morning, Moeta woke up early, eager to go back to the mysterious land on the other side of the cave. He ate breakfast quickly, put on his worn leather boots, and sprinted out the back gate. The cool morning air whistled past him as he ran over the dunes. By the time he reached the cave, the morning mist was gone.

                Moeta decided to take the same path as yesterday and started walking down the gravel road. His boots made it much easier to cross the uneven terrain of the forest.

                Before long, Moeta saw a human couple hiking back up the same road he was on. He waved to them, but they didn’t look his way.

                “Hey!” He said in a voice he thought was loud enough to get their attention. Still, they didn’t respond. ‘That’s kinda rude.’ He thought.

                Moeta walked to the other side of the path to meet them. “Hey.” He said again.

                The two very tall humans walked right past him, not even bothering to look at him.

                ‘Huh…’ Moeta frowned.              

                The sound of someone giggling came from up in the trees. Moeta looked up to find the voice, and his eyes landed on a young wood sprite.

                “Are you seriously trying to get them to notice you?” It asked. “That’s hilarious!”

                Before Moeta could respond, the sprite took off, still laughing.

                ‘Why didn’t they look at me?’ He wondered.

                Farther along, the road made of loose rocks suddenly became one slab of black stone. And not long after that, it met with a few larger roads. Moeta headed down the broadest one and kept to the side to avoid the cars going up and down.

                Just as he was thinking of turning back, the forest disappeared to make way for a town. There were buildings with pointed roofs with wires crossing every which way between them. Moeta stopped and gazed and the strange light fixtures hanging above the intersection in front of him. Cars were stopping and going in front of the lights, taking turns for each other to go.

                Suddenly, a human woman came around the corner of a building, smacked straight into Moeta and fell down.

                “Ow… What on earth?” The woman got up and looked around her feet. “I must have tripped on something.” She muttered.

                Moeta was still on the ground, inspecting his scraped knee. “Ouch, ouch.”

                The woman brushed herself off and walked away.

                Moeta was indignant. He was about to shout at her, but when he opened his mouth, another human walked by him, nearly stepping on his hand. He quickly got up and out of the way before someone else could trample over him. Moeta was beginning to understand why that sprite was laughing at him.

                ‘I must be invisible…’ He thought. To test his theory, he walked into a nearby open store and stood in front of the clerk. Then he shouted the rudest phrase he could think of while making an obscene gesture. The clerk was completely unresponsive.

                Moeta laughed. “They really can’t see me. Cool!” He then looked around for the first time since coming inside.

                Mounted on a wall behind the clerk’s desk was a black box with moving pictures showing on the front. Moeta spaced out for a moment staring at the flashing images and colors. He snapped out of it when the clerk left his post to go to the back of the store.

                Moeta decided to follow him. They reached another square-ish object with a metal piece sticking out of the top. The clerk pressed a button on the side and water came out! After he was finished drinking from it, Moeta took a turn. He placed his mouth around the same place the human had and pressed the button as hard as he could.

                “Bleh!” Water gushed up from the faucet and into his nose. Moeta let go of the button and moved his face back a bit. He tried again, this time position his mouth after the water started flowing. He wiped the excess water from his face. “This water tastes kind of off…”

                As Moeta headed towards the exit, he noticed that he hadn’t seen any lamps or lanterns in the store, yet everything was well lit. He looked up to see tubes lined up on the ceiling, giving off brighter light any lantern he’d ever seen. “There sure are a lot of things stuck on walls and stuff in here.” he said to himself.

                Moeta left the store, found his bearings, and continued exploring the town. He turned right at the next intersection. Just as his legs were beginning to feel a little tired, he came to a tree with red blooms and a large, nearly flat stone beneath its shade. Moeta decided the moss covered stone was the perfect place to take a rest. It was better than sitting in the middle of the sidewalk or sitting on the lumpy ground. It was like it was put there just for him.

                Just beyond the blooming tree that was shading him, some children were playing in a large area closed off by a fence. They looked like they were just a few years older than him. Some were on swings, and one was chasing another with a stick. Most of the kids were playing with one another, but there was one by herself. He almost didn’t see her because she was sitting behind a flowering bush. Moeta noticed she had a pad of paper on her knees and a pencil in her hands. It seemed like she was concentrating very hard on whatever she was drawing.

                Moeta’s curiosity was piqued. It wouldn’t hurt to look over her shoulder. He left his perfect mossy bench and climbed over the chain link fence. 

Reviews

[Cailean]

Again, a good effort there and it has a good essence about it. You introduce a character with a relative minimum of exposition and you've done a great job of showing rather than telling.

But here's the beef! The voice of Moeta seems to have some anachronisms in it, one could say. Or more precisely, there are a fair few very "human" turns of phrase in his dialogue. You don't have to make him a stuffy, pompous prince (even though his family/people may want to make him one, from what you've said in this piece) but his language is probably a bit too colloquial and maybe needs to be a touch more alien. If you do this subtly, you'll introduce his alien nature gently and we'll appreciate it more for the gradual reveal.

The other side of the coin, if you make a character too alien, you can't actually connect with them! So, it's somewhat of a balancing act. From reading this and future chapters, there's somewhat of a connection between Laina and Moeta - they've got their similarities. Maybe Moeta has been watching humans for a long time and picked up some of their mannerisms too. If so, you might want to mention that earlier, or hint that it's unusual for his kind. Laina is indeed different to the baseline human and we've already had people remark on it - we know this for her ability to see the fae. Where I saw it, Moeta is her opposite number so he may have an awareness of human society, which could explain his usage.

So, it's up to you! In many ways with writing, there are no rules, but what you strive for is consistency and flow. We also must balance explanation - too little and we miss explaining these things (so they can break flow); too much and we're bogged down in exposition (which also breaks flow).

While this is minor right now (and I hate to even seem vaguely petty to mention it) in the future it's going to be more important to focus on it and consistency is important. That can make or break something. :)

However, all things considering, an enjoyable read and you have a good style. I only mention these things because I want to help you polish things so everything pops! Seriously, I wouldn't mention such things in such depth if I did not believe in the worth of your writing. Keep on it!

[Woolliza]

I think Moeta might get his un-princely way of speaking from hanging out in the markets with other children when no one at home is paying attention to him. Your comments have given me a good idea for another scene to write based on that. I really appreciate your comments!