Chapter Five

When my mom calls me from my room and down to dinner, my thoughts are still cloudy from thinking about Anthony nonstop. It was only two hours ago that he dropped me off, but it felt like I have been without him for days.

          “Darling, does spaghetti sound good?” my mom’s voice seemed like background music to my thoughts.

          Again, she repeated herself.

“Sure,” I mumble.

“Are you okay?” she asks. “You seem distracted. How was your date with Anthony?”

“It wasn’t a date. We’re just friends. How many times do I have to tell you that? And it was good. He showed me a house that he bought full of his photography. It’s spectacular.”

“Sounds exciting.”

Next thing I know, there’s a plate with a mountain of spaghetti sitting right in front of me.

“I hope you’re hungry,” my mom said while handing me a fork.

 

I didn’t even realize that Josh was sitting next to me until my mom hands him a plate. Am I really that out of it?

The spaghetti seems dull and boring, though I manage to swirl the noodles around my fork, put them in my mouth, and swallow.

The noodles begin to remind me of worms, which makes me incredibly unwilling to finish eating the meal that my mother had prepared.

“Mom, I'm not feeling well. I'm going to go lay down.”

“It’s only six o’clock,” she said. “You’re probably just nervous about starting school tomorrow.”

“Yeah, that’s it,” I mumble sarcastically to myself, hoping that she doesn’t hear.

 

Once I arrive in my bedroom, I feel my body sinking down to the floor. I manage to put my hands on my bed to pull me up, but I can still feel my eyes shutting.

My body is weak, and I don’t have enough strength to keep myself awake.

Reviews

[Andy Ruffett]

'“Darling, does spaghetti sound good?” my mom’s voice seemed like background music to my thoughts.' You could change this to "sounds" instead of "seems."

“It wasn’t a date. We’re just friends. How many times do I have to tell you that? And it was good. He showed me a house that he bought full of his photography. It’s spectacular.” He bought a house, wouldn't her mother be more surprised? Or is it typical for teenagers to buy houses? I sure don't own one.

My Piece:

I don't believe you intended to end this chapter the way you did, but maybe you did. Still, I await the next parts. So many questions that you have let the reader ponder over. Will they all be answered? Or will you leave some unanswered but answered in the sequel? Maybe there won't be a sequel and you'll just have unanswered questions. Maybe it's too early to think about this though. I also love how you really express the protagonist's feelings. Yeah, after spending time with Anthony, the rest of the day would either pass by like a blur, move at a very tedious pace, or become uninteresting. When you're excited for something, nothing else matters. Of course, here it's more of the fact that she's so overwhelmed by emotion that she can't wait to see Anthony again. Funny that she doesn't blush at the table.

[diannesam]

Another good one! good way to end off the chapter, leaving the audience wanting more!