Impulse Intro

This is the start of my book. It's not going to be grammatically correct or established. It is just what happened. I know now more then ever its time for me to talk about it and time for you listen.

Impluse

Introduction

 

It has always been about impulse. All the decisions I make, the things I do, its my impulse. I wish it were different, but its not. I wish I could make it all stop. I wish everything didn’t have to be so extreme. I wish I could just breathe, in the moment. But everything I do, whether its something simple or something extravagant, its never calm, its always extreme. Some of the craziest things that have ever happened to me were on a whim. Whether it’s running into a stranger at a grocery store, or making eyes on a plane, things that normal people do everyday, I cannot do normal. And by the end of each night, there is always some extreme story. And when I do tell it to someone there response is always the same “This only happens to you”. Well, I do not want this, to happen to me, anymore. I want to be able to get up in the morning and have some boring routine. I want to be able to go for a bike ride and just listen to music. I don’t want to accidently have a run in with a beautiful man who wants to whisk me away, cause those are the sort of things that happen to me. I guess wherever I go, I feel temporary. As in, I can’t take the place seriously, or having it be somewhere I could see myself creating a life, so, I then do not care and I blow through the town like a tornado. I blew through New Jersey like a tornado. All the way from the mountains to the ocean side, in a path of destruction. I don’t want to be temporary here anymore because that is what I always am, temporary. I hope I will find solitude where I am going. I hope I can wake up and have it feel like home, whatever that is. I hope I can sit by the lake writing and enjoy that moment, and not try to rush through it. I hope I am able to feel love again, and I don’t mean for a week or until I get bored. I hope I don’t close myself off and run away, like I have done to every guy in this story. Cause honestly, I am running out of roads to run down, trails of my footprints cascade down them, until they eventually disappear. I hope this is my second chance because lord knows I need one. And even though it may kill me, re living all these stories, it’s time, time for me to write about them. Time for me to share them with you. Some are disgraceful. Well, most are disgraceful. But, they happened and I am hoping that it was for some reason. Whether you went through something similar. Or maybe you are reading this as lost as I am right now, searching for answers from the things that happened in your life. I don’t have the answers, but I know what the problems are and its time for me to face them.  So lets start, backwards. Let’s start from my most recent mistake, well actually the one before that because my most recent one, I am not ready to write about that yet… that will come later. But for now lets start with my second most recent mistake, while its still fresh in my mind, before I layer it with another mistake until suddenly its just a spec and it doesn’t matter anymore. Yeah, let’s start there.