Chapter 12

When would the dark cloud disappear? Would she ever be able to keep happiness for longer than a few hours?

     Anticipation and fear gripped at Rene`. The door to the house was right in front of her but she didn't want to open it. The Hell that would come from her mother would be unbearable... She didn't know if she would be able to handle it all. She knew IT would step in too but she didn't really care about him. She cared more about what her mother would say, even though she didn't know why. She tried to harden her nerves into steal and to her astonishment, it worked. She imagined everything about her mother that she didn't like and the actions her mother had toward her the last few times they talked. She was numb and her wall was up and ready for defense.

     Taking a deep breath and mentally setting herself up for battle, Rene` walked through the door and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. Shay met her outside the kitchen door. Nothing was said verbally but the looks Shay gave said everything. Her narrow eyes, pursed lips, and clenched jaw set the mood for the entire night... and Rene` had school in the morning. What a nasty night it had been.

     "What's his name?" The words were more an accusation than a question.

     "I didn't see a boy," Rene` slipped past her and poured herself a glass of tea, making sure it was a plastic cup this time. She didn't feel like cleaning up another mess.

     "Liar," her mother hissed through bared teeth. She grabbed a handful of Rene`'s hair quickly and pulled her up on her tiptoes. "Who were you f*****g?! Had to be some little boy thinkin' he scored but he was wrong!" She yanked Rene` even higher until she yelped in pain and clenched her teeth against the fuzzy black mist inching in on her peripherials. "I can't believe I've raised a w***e!" She tossed Rene` to the floor and started ranting about prostitution and how that must be where she got her money from, even though she knew good and well Rene`'s dad sent her fifty dollars a month to spend on anything she wanted. Finally fed up with her mother's insistance about being a prostitute, Rene` remembered something Shay had told her many years before when she had asked her why she smoked- Because no one believed I didn't and if I'm going to be accused of doing something, why not do it since they aren't going to believe me anyway? Rene` stood up and wiped the blood from her busted lip that was more dry now than wet and looked at the rust colored flakes on the back of her hand.

     "Takes one to know one," she took a quick drink of her tea and poured the rest down the drain, thinking it kinda looked like hers and her mother's relationship, "Now, I'm going to bed. I'm tired and I have school in the morning. Goodnight." Shay's mouth hung open in surprise as Rene` walked past her with ease and a grace that hadn't been there before. If Shay wanted a w***e for a daughter, Rene` was going to give her a w***e. It was going to be a long night for Rene`. She needed a new wardrobe.

　

     She didn't get a wink of shut eye and she was overly grouchy in the morning. She wasted no time in getting Kristen ready for school early enough for Shay to get a couple cups of coffee in her system and a few cigarettes after the cups of coffee. It was a routine Shay always had, almost like a ritual. Rene` didn't mind because she was able to finish up a few more things before she got dressed herself.

      She waited until it was time to leave before she walked down the stairs with backpack in hand and enough make-up to cover her face twice over. She smacked Bubbalicious gum and blew bubbles the size of her nose. Right before the bubble popped, Rene` opened her mouth and pulled the whole thing back in to kill it between her teeth. The pink tanktop she favored for this particular day hugged her small chest and gave her waist a nice hour-glass appearance. The short-shorts she had cut from one of her too-small-jeans hung on her like ugly on an ape and showed off her sinful womanly hips and lusciously thick, smooth, muscled legs. The four inch stilettos she wore were borrowed from Mel a while back that she just never had the time to give back.

     Shay was in the middle of talking to Eric when she glanced at Rene` and then gawked. Eric looked once and then back at Shay only to return his gaze back to Rene`.

     "What the Hell happened to you?" The airy question hung in the air before Rene` flirtatiously looked up at Eric and batted her eyes.

     "What ever do you mean?" A small smile played on her lips as he stammered, not able to make a coherent reply. She walked past him confidently and slowly, allowing him to smell her perfume that she never wore. She watched him from the corner of her eye as he inhaled the sweet fragrance for the first time. She was awarded by a guarded look on his face and his constant looks up at the ceiling so he didn't have to look at her. She never before thought she was attractive, but at that time, she believed she was. She was able to grab the ladies-man right out of her mother's arms. Not that she actually liked that thought because he repulsed her but she was glad she could pull him out of his perfect little world and tempt him. Now it was time for the little boys at school.

     She was amazed she was allowed to walk in through the door. The school was mostly set on strict guidelines on appropriate dress appearal as not to distract other students but today seemed different. She smiled when one of her crushes whistled at her as she passed him in the too small hallway to the cafeteria. That's when she saw Mr. Penston staring at her. There wasn't a shred of anger, disgust, or lust on his face... just disappointment. He motioned for her to enter his office but she refused. As much as she was being defiant toward her mother, she didn't want to disappoint Mr. Penston. She couldn't quite understand why she felt like she had to meet his expectations but she did. Just the thought of disappointing him made her feel horrible inside but she put that to the side as one of the "thugs" walked over to her and smiled.

     "Hi there, Rene`." He undressed her with his eyes and licked his lips. "I didn't know you were an adventurous girl. This genuinely surprises me."

     "Stick around and you'll see that I'm full of surprises," Rene` said while walking past him and flipping her hair over her shoulder to look back at him. She scrunched up her nose real quick in the way one of her ex boyfriends said was sexy and smiled.

     She sat at one of the tables isolated from the others and stared at her prey. Only a quarter of the school was male so she only had a short supply of appraised onlookers. Most the girls that looked were stunned it was her who was dressed like that. She was the quiet and shy girl who was the untouchable. None of the guys at the school looked at her but maybe once in a passing glance unless she was speaking in front of the class. But now she was a threat and the usual tens were double checking their make-up, clothes, and hair. They all looked at her as if she were a threat. She smiled at that and made herself comfortable with her small breakfast. She wasn't able to eat much of it before Mr. Penston came over and picked up her things without a word or even a look in her direction. She guessed he wanted her to follow, so she did; only because she wanted her things, she told herself.

     "What do you think you're doing, Rene`," the question stung, despite how gentle it was spoken. She shrugged and crossed her legs and arms. Mr. Penston stared at her and sighed. The disappointment Rene` was hoping to avoid came out and sliced her like a knife through hot butter. "I don't know what's going on right now, but it doesn't look good. Dressing like that isn't going to get you positive attention. It's only going to make things worse for you and people are going to speculate things that may or may not be true." He ran a hand through his nonexistant hair absentmindedly and stared at her. She didn't know what to say but she didn't change her fasad; she wasn't going to get out of her role play just yet. She wasn't done f*****g with her mother's head. "Maybe if you told me what's going on, I can help." The hopeful look on his face was almost too much but Rene` stuck to her plan. She shrugged her fragile looking shoulders and looked anywhere but at him.

     "I don't need any help." Her voice was strong and steady, dispite her thudding heart. "I think I can handle this part on my own. I don't need someone to hold my hand for me to walk when I've been walking for a good fourteen years." She met his gaze with a cold stare to match the extreme opposite of his warmth.

     "Whatever you're going through, Rene`, you don't have to present yourself this way." She didn't know what to say. She didn't know if she was doing this to get back at Shay or if she was doing it to get everyone else's attention. She hoped it was just to get back at Shay but now she wasn't so sure because she was liking the attention, even if she was only dressed like that for a few minutes. The only thing she didn't like was the way Mr. Penston looked at her. She never did well under disappointment. She decided she was sticking to her plan, no matter how much Mr. Penston didn't like it. Maybe he would make a phone call to Shay and tell her what was going on. This would advance her plan quickly. Or so she hoped.

     Throughout the day, Rene` flirted and talked seducively with every boy she had contact with. She would bat her eyes in the middle of a group discussion, laugh at all the jokes -even if it sucked- and trail her fingers across their hand or shoulder as she passed them at their desks. She made sure she was subtle with it all, so as not to send the entirely wrong message. She was only making them believe she wanted them and could have them, even though she wouldn't go as far as sleeping with them. She only wanted everyone to believe she was permiscuous, so word would get back to Shay and she would have a reason to be angry at Rene`. None of her friends really paid attention to her atire and carried on with the day as if her new clothes didn't exist.

     Allen had asked just once about it and was met with a blank stare as if he were seeing things. He hugged her all the same and would talk to her like it was any other day.

At lunch, she sat with him and they talked about everything interesting and then they walked outside to sit under one of the trees and just watch the big ants crawl around their feet in the dry dirt they called home. He was so much like a good little brother to her. They even looked like siblings and Rene` was glad she had him as a comfort, even if he was male.

     "Hey," he said in a low voice so it wouldn't carry, "I have a question for you."

     "Yeah? Shoot."

     "What would you say if your little brother was going to be your little sister?" He looked away and figdetted with his shirt a little.

     "What do you mean?" Rene` was confused. She thought she knew what he was talking about but she wasn't sure. She liked having a little brother but she wanted him to be happy.

     "I'm gonna try to have a sex change." She watched him as his jaw clenched and unclenched, waiting for her reply. She grinned and laughed.

     "That would be great!" She hugged him real quick. "I'm gonna have another sister!" He stared at her in astonishment.

     "You don't think it's weird?"

     "No," she chuckled. "I think it'll be cool. If being a girl will make you happy, then I'll be happy too. It won't be weird." She shrugged. "It might be different at first but that's because I'll be used to saying "brother" instead of "sister." Looks like I'm gonna have to get used to you being a sister now, huh?"

     "I guess so." He laughed as the tension left him in a rush of air escaping his lungs. "Maybe we can go shopping together since I have no sense of style?" Rene` giggled so much that she didn't think she could breathe.

     "Me? Shop?" She giggled again. "How long have you known me?"

     "A long time."

     "And how often have you known me to like shopping?"

     "Never..." He paused and frowned a little in concentration.

     "Exactly," she nudged him with her elbow, "but if you really want me to go with you, I can show you just how bad my fashion sense is." They laughed together and made up exaggerated stories of shopping until it was time for class.