Poem For A Fleeing Love

A mixture of shorts

Poem For A Fleeing Love

Two hearts beating as one

 two souls sharing one love 

one love to last for an eternity 

Stare into the future

 the past remains the past 

dealing with a love 

you always thought would last

Dealing with the arguments 

sitting all alone 

Just thought I would say I love you

 then hanging up the phone

Relationships blossom

Then slowly turn to black

Love is an obstacle 

The energy I surely lack

Live for the here and now

New relationships embrace

Your feelings are allowed to change

Your face will remain your face 

Little quotes of love 

Little songs of woe

Little pieces of emotion

Ashley don’t let them show

Black is who I am

Black is my true aim

Want to earn my love?

Well that is a shame

Author's Note

Please give honest reviews as always

Reviews

[Shelby]

Little quotes of love
Little songs of woe
Little pieces of emotion
Ashley don’t let them show

These were my favorite lines. It's so true that we try to put on a facade when we are in pain or torment. I was also struck by the last stanza. It was dark and sad, an unfortunate consequence of the pain the speaker has been through (you, I'm assuming?). However, that last line seemed the beginnings of anger and, eventually, recovery, and I liked that you ended, if not upbeat, then at least not on a heartbreak. I must also commend you for your apt titles. I always have to use one of my more important lines for my titles, which generally means it's just a throwaway for me. You, however, always capture the theme of your poem with a very satisfactory title that never is just a line from the piece. I applaud you talent for finishing a poem so brilliantly. Thank you for sharing this with me.

[howlfjdks]

Tender but yet such a brick wall. Is there ever a time we fall in love again after being so broken?

[Ashley Myers]

though this was serious i saw a bit of comedy towards the end. which gives it a little twist. and its better that its about you. i know you write poetry about things from other peoples perspectives but i like reading about you and this really is an awesome piece

[Arabdha]

you're a very talented writer..my favorite part is-
"Live for the here and now
New relationships embrace
Your feelings are allowed to change
Your face will remain your face "
..starts off very sweetly and ends in a rather unexpected way..nice work !

[Katie]

I liked this poem. It was very well written. I don't think this one actually needs punctuation so I suppose that ends the broken reccord. :P I do have one technical for you though:

"Just thought I would say I love you
then hanging up the phone"
You switch tenses in the middle of this line. It should read
"Just thought I would say I love you
then hang up the phone"
Now not really an expert on poetry, and that may mess with your flow, or syllable count or something, but it's gramatically incorrect how you have it.

[Ladysue]

This has perfect meter and it was deep and emotive...nice work..

[Quinn Blackburn]

Nothing constructive to add, excellent wordcrafting. :o)

[.]

a strong rhyme and metered poem..the sentiment..love is something to everyone and nothing to no one..well written piece

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

Your face will remain your face. Classic line! You will know who to show yourself to...she won't run away, and neither will you.
Like this alot.