Broken

Haiku - Maiden attempt, tried to stick to the rules. the 5-7-5 syllable, unrhymed and pertaining to nature. Deals with a broken heart. the plant signifies Love as it grows /river, the ups and downs of love Oasis, everything you wished for but neve

Broken


I am just a seed
Nurtured with care, I blossomed.
And then you chopped me.

A flowing river.
Through hills, swamps, valleys and trees.
And now I am dry.

Oasis for resting.
Ev'rything I thirsted for.
Now the sands claims it.

A spider spins web.
To capture a lonely prey.
The hunter lonely.

The flame burns within.
It's embrace excites, glows. Now
It just irritates.

The Dawn Beckons. Its
Silvery rays pushed to red
Dusk. Bright Day killed young.

Author's Note

an old poem restored

Reviews

[Audrie]

I must say that this portrays elegant choices and uplifting examples of how we are all connected in our universe. It then quietly tiptoes into how we are all vulnerable- even in our connection. I think that the possible key is to not be afraid of death. Instead, we must believe that it carries our souls to a more peaceful and aware existence. lovely piece. peace, balance and harmony

[Ismael Rodriguez Jr.]

This is your maiden atempt? Realy well done.

[Stacy A. Foster]

A flowing river.
Through hills, swamps, valleys and trees.
And now I am dry.

Well done. I think we can all empathize.

[Taja B.]

This is a very nice poem with the haiku structure. This is extremely well written and I like the message behind it. Plus, the nature themes in this piece go very well with the topic of this poem and I really like the imagery.

Nice job.:)

[Benarsi]

Wow...Congrats on Featured Poem and a wonderful haiku poem. This format is quite tricky (at least for me :)) and you have displayed it here beautifully! Amazing work, sad and very lovely. Nice imagery and flow--your descriptions are sad but still beautiful. Again, awesome job!

B.

[Robert Luna]

Very beautiful and almost sad at the same time. This was a joy to read and see. You capture something more than my attention you capture my thoughts. The way this flowed together to form living art i would say is the best description.

Great Job!!!

[Wulfstan Crumble]

A fine debut in haiku and featured poem too! congrats on that one! Its the second haiku to get featured in a week which shows the format is gaining popularity and maybe credibility. All fit the idea perfectly save the penultimate one about flames. That didnt really have a nature theme though as some people believe haiku dont need a nature form then its fine.

A spider spins web. - how about "spider spun web" ?
To capture a lonely prey. "To capture some lonely prey"
The hunter lonely. - "The hunter, alone."

[Gandré]

...this truly was great that they featured it! congratulations, my dear. I have read it before, but didn't write a review. It is dream-like and and truly tricky this multiple HAIKU structure. Amazing. I feel the exotic beauty of India and have been wrapped into a dream...

[Vallerie]

Desperatly sad but beautiful Haiku.
The first Haiku made me think this would be funny (the word chopped seems forced) then you let the river flow, and it became your ocean.
Beautiful.
~Vallerie

[Touché Armada]

Ouch, so where did you get that inspiration?
You did do a nice job in making the misery seem kind of sweet although sad.
But then misery is not always bleak even if it seems that way.
I like the way you broke it down and divided nature and the pains, some how they seem smaller that way I think.
Anyway, I like it, nicely written with soft/gentle words for powerful dark instances� yet somehow you kept the tone.
=)

[Bubo]

I liked the broken heart entwined with nature and its richness
sense of loneliness and loss.............lovely.

A spider spins web.
To capture a lonely prey.
The hunter lonely.