Broken

Haiku - Maiden attempt, tried to stick to the rules. the 5-7-5 syllable, unrhymed and pertaining to nature. Deals with a broken heart. the plant signifies Love as it grows /river, the ups and downs of love Oasis, everything you wished for but neve

Broken


I am just a seed
Nurtured with care, I blossomed.
And then you chopped me.

A flowing river.
Through hills, swamps, valleys and trees.
And now I am dry.

Oasis for resting.
Ev'rything I thirsted for.
Now the sands claims it.

A spider spins web.
To capture a lonely prey.
The hunter lonely.

The flame burns within.
It's embrace excites, glows. Now
It just irritates.

The Dawn Beckons. Its
Silvery rays pushed to red
Dusk. Bright Day killed young.

Author's Note

an old poem restored

Reviews

[Audrie]

I must say that this portrays elegant choices and uplifting examples of how we are all connected in our universe. It then quietly tiptoes into how we are all vulnerable- even in our connection. I think that the possible key is to not be afraid of death. Instead, we must believe that it carries our souls to a more peaceful and aware existence. lovely piece. peace, balance and harmony

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

wowsers Aleho, you stung me, :)
---love this, especially because I'm a sucker for Haikus

---mishel

[Red Raven]

Cannot exactly catch the message. May be its me not your writing because i can see that many friends are enjoying .For me its too sad and lonely.

[Vanessa Pang *aka* Ness..]

woooooowww
that's amazing how you stuck to the pattern yet made it so beautiful.

"The flame burns within.
It's embrace excites, glows. Now
It just irritates. "

that stanza was my favorite cause it was so true.
you described the depths of the heart where it was broken.
this was so sad yet so true and it's also going to my favs.
peace && love.

[Rosesonmygrave]

Hi ale.., I am amazed at the thoughts which comes to your head. Nice one.....Wat thots led to this? "Now it just irritates"....what is the flame here?"Bright Day killed Young".... Do share with me.....

[Gary H]

Foolishly I didn't read your description. At the end of my read, I thought, yeah, I'll write 'you have some great haiku's there'......then luckily I did glance up! First time I have noticably seen more than haiku pertaining to one poem or thought. This is very well done and really does convey the images really well.

Hope the broken heart wasn't personal.

[Poeticpiers]

ineffably sad and despairing No hope at all

[O!]

LOVE THISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THese were my favourite stanza's.......aaah!!.....gorgeous!!!

I am just a seed
Nurtured with care, I blossomed.
And then you chopped me.

A flowing river.
Through hills, swamps, valleys and trees.
And now I am dry.

Oasis for resting.
Ev'rything I thirsted for.
Now the sands claims it.


THank you.......going to my faves....ASAP!!

O! :-)

[Writer Of Life]

I am just a seed
Nurtured with care, I blossomed.
And then you chopped me.
(enthusiastically reading after this line)
I love this...

The flame burns within.
It's embrace excites, glows. Now
It just irritates.
(I feel this way today)
Thanks your right in time...

always a pleasure to read.
love
candi