Little Dreams

 

There’s a broken bottle on a sandy beach,

It floated across the oceans, across the seas,

It brought a message to his lover,

But when it got to her, she was with another.

We all have our little dreams,

His were shattered like the glass,

Some things, they’re not meant to last.

 

There was a breakaway kite, in a perfect sky,

Reaching for the sun, trying to get high,

But they stole the wind from beneath her wings

Now she’s falling fast, with no grace or ease.

We all have our little dreams,

Hers was flying solo, with a gentle breeze,

But some things, they’re not meant to be.

 

You’re the only tree, on a lonely hill,

You’re standing tall, but you’re standing still

Friends come and go like midnight thieves,

They leave your arms like your falling leaves.

We all have our little dreams,

Yours was to live in the woods, right by the streams,

But some things, they will never be.

 

He hid his head, deep in the sand,

So he wouldn’t hear the band,

Playing the marching on song

And now he can’t breathe no more,

Cause he stayed there for too long, way, way, too long.

We all have our little dreams,

But his were too little it seems

And that’s all that they’ll ever be, just dreams.

   

         © The Flawed

Reviews

[dark and twisty]

so sad and poignant and absolutely beautiful in its flow and structure and words...i like the stanza about the tree and the kite best..

surprised u haven't gotten more reviews than this...you deserve it...i love this poem more than the previous one i read...and i didn't think that was possible :)

[thoughts of jade]

this is a very beautiful poem, filled sadness and elegance... i love the way you wrote this one. well good luck in the competition i hope you win.

[Lorraine]

Beautifully expressed. Your words are so awakening and even if the message of this little poem seems discouraging, I find it such an inspiring piece. Your have a way with expressing ideas in such elegant way that words simply flow so naturally.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[MagiCrystal]

This as a meaning..to me! Is like a message in a broken bottle.. for us to grasp it and read it...very strong meaning. I good way to describe the lost.

[Sasavet]

Holy bejeez, rhyming galore. You're a better rhymer than me, I'll say that for sure. On another note, I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE this poem. It's so beautiful and the imagery you create is so clear and so definite, it's very deep. I love
"You're the only tree, on a lonely hill,
You're standing tall, but you're standing still
Friends come and go like midnight thieves,
They leave your arms like your falling leaves."

Just that one stanza when you rhymed 5 times in a row. Holyy. All I have to suggest is maybe trying without rhyme, because I found that you used words that rhymed with "seemed, dreamed etc." a lot which caused repetition, and that's the trouble with rhyming for me personally. That said, your rhyming is still 5000 times better than mine and I loved this rhymed, but that was just a minor thing I noticed.

GREAT poem though, thanks for sharing :D

[Sean M. Addams]

like the imagery and emotion in this piece.... very nicely done.... thanks for entering this in my contest....

[deeps]

This is sad but so well written
This has amazing flow to it.

[John McGrael]

whoah............

................the third stanza is incredible to me


i'm not gonna lie, the first two didn't really catch my attention, i was just like, "oh, another poem, lets see if this one is any good" and after the second stanza i was like, "this one is pretty cool, but nothing really getting into my soul and stirring anything up"

...then the third stanza hit me....

now its like, "whoah, this poem stretched deep into me and stirred up a lot of stuff"

congrats, you converted me mid-poem

i was a reader just reading blindly
now i am a reader who truly see the poem

you opened me eyes

[O!]

'little dreams'.....like the title especially and only after reading ur poem.......

the concept is good and how uve written it is also just Right! .......

the fourth flowed a little less than the other 3 stanzas.....but really who cares?!....its in the message! ;-)

x,
O!

[Butterflymom]

WOW, this is a whole different style of any of your other writings that I've reviewed. The flow, and imagery was brilliant. Beautiful piece. Thanks for adding it to the Bucket List group!