Song of the Elves

A mother laments the departure of her daughter.

Anariel sat alone in the darkness, accompanied only by the dim glow of a burning candle whose flame wavered precariously on its wick as it shone like a dying star. On a hard wooden chair she laboured to her wits end, attempting to write on a ragged parchment that was placed on an equally rough wooden table. She had embarked on this endeavour since sunset, yet she couldn’t put her feelings into prose, and the parchment remained as empty as it had been hours ago.

A skimpy and faded silk robe lay unused at her bedside as a testament to a night’s worth of wages unearned. It was foolish, yet what she had to do was far more important than coin. After all, the only person in the world that kept her going up till now was leaving tomorrow.

 

She was the only family Anariel knew. A result of her line of work, Ariel was born into the world without a father, to a man who refused to acknowledge them as family. She had many clients, but it was definitely him, that merchant who spent his father’s fortune on women and wine. He didn’t want her, an elf and a prostitute, a twofold badge of disgrace. Ashamed he was of his night of drunken pleasure with her, like many others. Not that it mattered, for as long as they paid their dues, her body and ears were theirs to toy with, and she made sure to keep them coming back for more.

Shrewd use of that truth had granted her a monthly allowance in exchange for her silence. It was demeaning, but the money allowed her to send Ariel to school. Through this, she knew that Ariel could grow up to be something, at the very least not something like her.

And Ariel did her proud. Anariel remembered that her heart would swell with pride whenever Ariel told her about her blossoming school life. At times, she felt pangs of envy gnaw at her as she watched her daughter live the life she never knew. It didn’t matter though, for her daughter’s happiness was her joy and that alone was enough.

She knew Ariel loved her as a mother as all daughters did, yet she also knew that Ariel was ashamed of her, a disgust borne from watching her mother ply her trade. And who could blame her? Anariel knew she was a parasite, someone who fed off the desires of men for sustenance. Irredeemable and pitiful, unworthy and looked down upon by all, even by her own flesh and blood. It was shameful and disgusting, but it was either that or starvation.

Ariel grew up to be both clever and beautiful. In a way, mother and daughter were like sisters, with their long blonde hair and smooth, round faces. Despite their physical similarities, they were worlds apart for Ariel was a child of sunshine while Anariel was a husk of broken dreams. To Anariel, the face of her child was like a mirror reflecting her past, harkening back to happier times when she herself was radiant and ravishing like her daughter.

 

After many long years, Ariel finally came of age, a well accomplished lady in some high level field of study that Anariel could barely grasp the name of, let alone the function. It was then Ariel met this young man, whom she had introduced as a classmate, a friend since her days at the university. They were always holding hands and whispering sweet nothings to each other. Anariel knew what would come of such interactions, for she too was once like her, an impressionable girl who once chased after love.

Eventually, perhaps inevitably, Ariel announced the news, that they were to be married in a month’s time. She had reassured her that she needn’t worry about the details, for he was going to cover everything with his affluence. Anariel knew that she was supposed to be overjoyed that her daughter had found her other half, yet she felt a pain in her heart that she couldn’t explain.

Perhaps it was because Ariel was marrying a human, the majority who reigned supreme in this land. The elves, in the wake of ceding control of public affairs to the humans had become even more stringent in their own domestic affairs. “Don’t rock the boat, or we’ll be the ones thrown overboard”, Anariel’s mother had warned her as a child. Her parents had been strict in forbidding interaction with humans unless absolutely necessary. They had also wanted her to marry another elf to maintain the purity of their blood, like many other elven families. Such was the fate of one who was of the elven blood, a life of seclusion within one of the many sequestered villages in the outskirts of the kingdom. It wasn't because the humans had driven them out, but because of her people's cultural hubris, a revelation that Anariel learned of through her years in the city.

Not that it did her any good, Anariel mused. She rebelled, running away with a human she had met one fateful moonlit night while she was relaxing in a field of wildflowers. They were so romantic, those promises of love, happiness and freedom that were made under the cover of darkness. In turn, she gave him everything.

 

Alas, it wasn’t meant to be, and Anariel was left stranded, unwanted by both man and elf, left to eke a pathetic existence in the city where she was little more than a penniless stranger.

And now, here she was, in this wretched situation. Looking back, she knew in a heart that her parents were right in the end. The humans that they had so fervently tried in vain to protect her from had taken everything from her, all thanks to her foolishness. She felt a tear glisten in her eye as she reflected on that hard truth.

In this moment of sorrow induced clarity, the truth dawned upon Anariel. Ariel was leaving, and there was nothing she could do about it. Not only that, they were unlikely to meet again, for their eyes were now blind to the other’s fate, Ariel’s by love, and Anariel’s by grief. Ariel wasn’t even here now, no doubt having the time of her life with that man in his home, the fact of which acted like a foreboding testament to Anariel’s fears.

The parchment remained empty as Anariel wept softly, her tears damping the parchment into a wet pulp. Ultimately, she couldn’t write anything down, not because she didn’t know what to say, but because there was nothing she deserved to say. In her heart, she knew that Ariel was destined for better things, and that she should be little more than a faint memory in the recesses of her daughter’s mind. If life was a ballad, hers would have been that of the wretched and the lost, languishing in despair, undeserving of anything better.

Despite all that she had weathered, Anariel swore to never let Ariel know, for this burden was hers to bear, for her daughter deserved so much more.

Author's Note

Hi!

Do let me know what you think! If you've enjoyed this story, do check out my book on the Amazon Kindle Store, The Best of Aurafiex - A Short Story Collection.

Buy it now at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GX7EVLC

Have a nice day!

Reviews

[Amber Lily]

Elf or human, we all want to see our children surpass us someday. I don't have any of my own, but I know I'd want the same. This story came off beautifully, and you have a great eye for detail. I was already impressed within the first sentence as you described the candle lighting the room like a dying star in the night. That perfect explained the lighting of the room.
Great work once again, keep the pen flowing :)

[Aurafiex]

Well, I personally found the first sentence too long, heck it might even be a run-on sentence. That said, it became as long as it is because I was trying to cram as much detail in as possible. I'll probably try to find some way to cut it down while making it as cool as it is right now.

[Amber Lily]

Now that I look at it, it would be possible to split that into two sentences without losing any detail. It would still remain the great introduction that it is though!

[TheMalady]

Hi! I want to apologize for the late read and review. Regarding about the story, the beginning paragraph made me wonder what is the circumstance all about until I continued onto the next paragraph. I love reading and if you asked for my opinion, you have the unique plot in all of your stories. Also, I want to point out about those 'had not' and 'had been' tenses, they are actually making me confused. I would suggest to avoid using those if possible. (Just my opinion.)

Overall, you have the in-depth skill and knowledge of elaborating this kind of story. It isn't just a fantasy, but something that also happens in the real life. Great job here. I love how you created tension and conflict in the character's life. :)

[Aurafiex]

Thanks! The plots are random at times, since I come up with random things from time to time.

[TheMalady]

Random or not, it's the very picture of reality. This could be a good documentation! :)

[richieb]

Aurafiex, I enjoyed this story, well written with clever and unique use of prostitutes and elves. Your story shows no matter what background we come from the same scenario's of life come to challenge us. You used great imagination and created a heartfelt, sincere story. Richie B.

[Aurafiex]

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Jonathan Lee]

I like the tone of this story and its fantastical setting. I have to admit I was a little confused as I made my way through the text around the second paragraph. The names "Anariel" and "Ariel" are close enough, that I initially dismissed the difference as a typo until it become evident that it wasn't.

Perhaps when you introduce Ariel you could make the difference explicit for clarity's sake. For instance "A result of her line of work, Ariel--Anariel's daughter--was born into the world without a father, to a man who refused to acknowledge them as family." A simple change like that would go a long way.

I was also a little confused about the "he" and "him" regarding Ariel's father. Maybe the second clause of the sentence referenced above could be split off into its own sentence and "a man" could be given a name. For instance, all together with the second sentence it could read something like "A result of her line of work, Ariel--Anariel's daughter--was born into the world without a father. Braegor refused to acknowledge them as family. As a merchant he spent his father’s fortune on women and wine, and his night with Anariel was only one of many. A drunken pleasure to be forgotten in the morning."

It might even be better to get rid of the "A result of her line of work" clause all together, and then tied back in "Braegor refused" to the sentence as part of a prepositional phrase such as "...without a father, for Braegor refused..." Anyhow, just thinking outloud (or in text I guess). In any case, around the second and third paragraph, things could be a little clearer.

On another point, concerning your use of the term "human," I personally have found it a bit grating of a term. It's certainly not the newest word in the English lexicon, having been coined some time in the 1530s. However, being a product of the 16th century it's most definitely a Modern word (in the sense of Modern history beginning roughly with the Renaissance). Its use in referring to Man as a *species* reflects a Darwinian paradigm that--for obvious reasons--only arose in the 19th century. Accordingly, using "human" here to delineate men from elves seems gratingly anachronistic to me.

Now, obviously the whole nature of fairy tales revolves around the anachronistic as they tend to be written well after the original folklore was established. They are often the literary equivalent to Middle Age paintings depicting Mother Mary in a European castle and the like (e.g. legends of King Arthur and his knights in shining armor, despite the lack of plate armor in Arthur's purported time). Accordingly, I wouldn't expect that you would write in Middle English or even the Elizabethan English of Shakespeare. That being said, there are some terms which reflect such a blatantly contemporary sensibility that it really takes me out of the setting to come across them. Using "human" as a noun is one such term.

I know this usage has become common place in fantasy fiction today, owing perhaps to the popularity of Dungeons & Dragons and its categorization of "Human" as a player race. Whatever the case, I may be swimming upstream here, but it really bugs me personally. I think if we look back to the works of Tolkien, we have a good benchmark for excellent literature within the genre, and throughout his tales of Middle-Earth he always uses the older convention of referring to "men."

These are ultimately trifling observations. On the whole, I really enjoy your writing. It's a nice mood piece, and it would be interesting to see it expanded if you were so inclined. I'm interested in more aspects of your setting, such as why it is considered shameful to be an elf as well as any other specifics to effect immersion into your world.

[Aurafiex]

Hey! Thanks for the really detailed review.

Regarding the names, I was looking for Elvish-sounding names since well, they're elves. The similarity in their names was kinda intentional on my part since they're mother and daughter.

Well, the reason why I left the names of the males (Anariel's client and Ariel's boyfriend) nameless is some effort on my part to be vague, as well as trying to focus the story on Anariel and Ariel. That said, I'll consider your suggestions since the current naartive may be unclear.

I must say that I've never read Tolkien. I've heard a little about D&D, and a lot of my ideas and language come from fantasy stuff such as Skyrim and World of Warcraft.

As for why its considered shameful to be an elf, I guess I was trying to imply throughout the piece that Elves are a minority in the setting. Its currently a one-shot, but I suppose I might consider expanding on this (maybe even a book!) with stories about different elves in the same land.

Overall, thanks again for taking the time to read and give such a thoughtful review. Really appreciate it!

[Meeks]

I haven't finished this, sorry to say, as it hasn't really captured my interest. I read up to the third paragraph, and then stopped.
Your writing ability is respectable, but I cannot really bear your style. Reread your first sentence please, to see what I mean. Too many big words for me, the sentences are too long, and my weak mind can't keep up. Its just not what I was looking for today.
Anyway, I've decided to let you know where I paused, so as to help you and possibly give you some information. Sorry again, but it doesn't really grab my attention. I can tell from the comments that I might be missing quite a bit though, so I hope this captivates many other readers!

[Jonathan Lee]

Curiously enough, I found the first sentence to be one of the best.

[Aurafiex]

Yeah, I suppose the first sentence is too long (might even be a run-on sentence!). I'll probably look for a way to convey the same description while making it bite-sized.

What made you stop at the third paragraph? Was it the language? I'm fond of flowery phrases since well, this is fantasy fiction, so I tend to embellish on the words to make it seem wonderful and all that.

Hopefully when you feel better you'll give this story (and my other stuff) another chance. That said, I appreciate your critique. If possible do also tell me where I can improve in terms of content that can maintain your attention!

[Meeks]

What made me stop? Probably the language combined with description. While there are strong words for this type of strong fantasy, I don't appreciate descriptions in general. Usually I see people describe with actions, showing a person lighting a candle, or even staring into it instead of saying that it shone. That might be a show vs. tell thing, but the rule is so ambiguous it could go either way, really.

About the first sentence, it isn't really a run on. I think it's just a description problem again, your descriptions are too strong but then you don't really support them with the character. I personally think my writing is a bit clausterphobically ego-centrical, focusing on the character all the time, so take that with a grain of salt.

I picked it up again several paragraphs down, and it seems to flow well from there. Monologue made it go very much faster, so good job on that. Overall, it seemed like a good story.

[Cyndy Robinson]

It is a wonderful piece about how parent's protect their offspring, and how their offspring frequently find themselves with some of the same choices parents had, in spite of them. Philisophically, I have often wondered if that isn't why we have children and if we are all destined to these repeating patterns until we explore the outcomes of all choices. Freaky thought. Also here is the pain of letting go that which you love. All very true to life. Is this meant to be the beginning of a book? or a longer story? I ask that because you have entitled it Song of the Elves, and made the main character's elves. But in this section, I do not see any relevance to Elves, except interracial relevance. The elves do not hurt or help the story, it just leaves my wondering why elves?

[Aurafiex]

Well, I suppose the name is rather random. Its from Elfen Lied, an anime series that I like. Anyway, I was aiming to convey the narrative as protraying Anariel's despair and sorrow over a broken life in contrast to the blooming hope of Ariel's youth. The reason why I put them as elves is to put them as a minority, at odds with the world they live in, largely to promote a sense of alienation that Anariel feels while Ariel dosen't seem to be affected by.

As for continuity, I might considering writing more within the same setting, but I must say that I intended this to be a one-shot.

[Solar]

'Her parents were strict with her, forbidding her to interact with humans unless absolutely necessary. They had also wanted her to marry another elf, to maintain the purity of their blood, like many other elven families. It was always like that for her and everyone she knew as she grew up, as they lived within closed communities and married within their own in a bid to preserve dying traditions.'

It would make the story more interesting if there was a little more about the elfin side and any powers Anariel might have retained - unless she lost all that when she entered the human world.

The feelings of the mother for her daughter are movingly conveyed.

[Aurafiex]

Well, within this setting I intended for the elves to be a racial minority within society. They don't really have any magical powers (at least at this time of writing), but are mostly just humanoids with pointy ears. They exist within the same world.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my story!