Side Swiped

I didn't see it coming.

I can't seem to comprehend

What's been done to me

After so long of loving

Of thinking, it's meant to be

I gave up on everyone

Turned away from all who knew

The many sides the many lies

The stranger I knew as you

So great with your words

You knew exactly what to say

You were right they were wrong

I changed in so many ways

Even when I caught you

When I saw what they did

I simply hushed my mind

And behind my heart I hid

 Even when you hit me

Or screamed in my face

All I saw was when you kissed me

You and I in a happy place.

Even when I saw the pictures

Of you with those other girls

I still kept believing

That I was your whole world

I left you once for a while

In hopes you'd understand

How much I meant to you

That I was your best friend

You said you finally got it

Those pretty words again

This time would be different

This time you took my hand

I lived in such bliss

It seemed you finally knew

I felt like it was better

Finally me and you

But I see now you had a plan

You finally tore down my walls

Just so you could hurt me

Instead of walking away I'd crawl

Never did I see it coming

The headlights weren't on

I was driving down a happy road

Until suddenly it was gone

Your timing was perfect

The moment you hit my car

I was completely broken

You laughed from afar

I was easily replaced

I was scraped from the road

After seven long years

All the love got towed

Now I feel nothing

No love or hate in tact

I guess I needed to be side swiped

To realize this fact

Reviews

[Pax]

i felt every dripping emotion in each stanza that flowed so moothly in its rhyming...
i felt the realistic situation... i feel like you let us read your life in each verses...
is that your car...hmmm..?
fiction or not its indeed heartfelt...
well expressed!
awesome!

[Serenity Faith]

Unfortunately William, that was my car :( I did say I have problems I was working through...thank you for the review. It cheered me up :)

[Pax]

oh... I hope your doing ok... no broken bones or anything... i will cheer you up to the highest :D... lets us look at the bright-side and be strong for the better future for you and for your daughter... keep shining my friend.

[Serenity Faith]

I fully intend to do just that! You're amazing William...thank you for the support. Oh and I might have misunderstood, the pictures not my car, though if that were my heart im sure it'd resemble that.

[Pax]

oh.. i see, no matter how broken it will be, we know somewhere in time it will healed or someone will fully healed it...that we just have to keep an open mind and be positive in each passing day... believe that you can... like your new name.. have faith in a serenity future...
and your most welcome!

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Serenity

Thank you for your recent review. I thought I would look at some of your writing and picked this poem.

I review in various styles but generally at length. Whatever else I do I at least give an emotional reaction from one reader to the writer.

I think I shall give this a review in a little detail as that is what it deserves.

1) Structure: Fourteen stanzas of four lines each.

2) Rhyme: You generally follow a rhyming pattern of abcb. That is the second and fourth lines of each stanza rhyme. I admire your consistency.

3) Rhythm: No fixed pattern but easy on the ear.

4) Punctuation: You choose not to punctuate except for about one full stop and one comma. I do like consistency. My quirk. if I were you I would leave it all unpunctuated. Otherwise I might suggest punctuating the whole thing.

5) Use of English: Simple. Suits the direct emotion of the piece.

6) Analogy / metaphor: There is little. Again it suits your clear message.

7) Meaning: Not opaque. Relatively transparent. It makes the piece all the more powerful and as from the heart.

The jilted lover!

8) Impact and favourite lines: I relate easily to the emotion of the poem, from times gone by and even currently. Your poem has a major emotional impact on me.

I shall restrict myself to three favourite lines:

First:

'Even when I saw the pictures
Of you with those other girls
I still kept believing
That I was your whole world'

How blind the heart is in love to reality. You cannot give it up as you are so emotionally bound, so you will accept anything.

Second:

'I was easily replaced
I was scraped from the road
After seven long years
All the love got towed'

The perfect final complaint. Seven years is a long time to be together and so hard to lose.

Third and last;

'Now I feel nothing
No love or hate in tact
I guess I needed to be side swiped
To realize this fact'

Finally logic must take over and replace emotion. The beginning of healing.

9) Overview: A well structured poem, with a very straight powerful and emotional message to which many will relate.

Well written

With my warmest regards


James Hanna-Magill

[Serenity Faith]

Thank you very much for such a thorough review Mr. James Hanna-Magill. I truly appreciate it. this was quite an emotional piece for me, as a lot of my writing is. I get things off my chest better when i write it out. It lifts some of the weight off my shoulders, even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way. It's hard for me. But I am a strong person. I have to be not only for myself, but for my daughter, and those around me that do care about me. Again thank you for such a wonderful review. In a way I'm happy you could relate to it, that you understand my feelings, but at the same time. I wish you couldn't relate, as this wasn't a happy piece and I wouldn't wish anyone my heartache.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Thank you Serenity

I know what you mean

James

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Wow, this is amazing I must say. I couldn't stop reading it! You captured my attention from the beginning and held it too. I love reading poetry that holds a real and true story behind it. It's like reading a diary but not in a secretive way though. I am sorry that you had to go through this, Emily. I hate that any person at all has to go through such misery in their life. I love how you have a positive attitude on moving on and not letting this situation stop you from falling in love with another guy that just might be "the one" for you. I hate how you trust someone with your whole heart and soul, and they take that for granted and stomp on your heart. That's why trust for me is now hard to gain. It takes awhile, since after all of the liars I have broken up with or vice versa. There's too many liars out there in the world against innocent people who just wants and craves true love.

"Now I feel nothing
No love or hate in tact
I guess I needed to be side swiped
To realize this fact"--An amazing way to end an awesome poem!

Sidenote: Sorry, for all the pain this guy put you through. You honestly deserve much better. :)

Ashley Rivers-Dream BIG and you'll win BIG ;)

[Serenity Faith]

Thank you so much for an awesome review Ashley! It will be hard for me to trust, but if I don't try, then I know there's no chance on me letting someone love me. I'll be okay though. I have a lot of things I look forward to, and a wonderful little girl that needs me to be okay ya know? Thank you again. I'm also sorry you've had your heart broken :(

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

You're very welcome, Emily. I hate that you went through all of that period. You're absolutely right about trying to stay strong for your daughter. You're her role model! Stay strong! You're a smart, talented, pretty, and nice person. :) You have a chance for letting someone love you and vice versa. Don't let him ruin your chances with someone out there made just for you.

[Kaitlynn A. Black]

Better to get side swiped now, than hurt worse later. That's the brightside of it as I see the poetry. =) The heart is like a tree, new leaves will come.

[quarintine_deathangel]

Woah 0.0 that was really considered and condensed. You did an amazing job writing these thoughts and emotions. It's excellent to read these types of poems where they're actually thought out in great detail and highly meaningful. I loved reading, and I hope your doing better since this. ^^ You really have a talent for writing, please read request me more writings ^.~

[Serenity Faith]

Thank you very much! And I'll be all right, if I don't stay positive I am afraid it'll affect my daughter, besides...I still have quite a life ahead of me, and just because he broke my love for him, it doesn't mean that I should stop loving, or be wary of falling in love...maybe a little bit better on guard, but no never stop loving. Thank you again for such a lovely review!

[Geon Quuin]

I could totally relate to this. Although my ex girlfriend did not cheat on me, just merely gave up, still, this made me remember some unpleasant memories. Well written.

[Serenity Faith]

:( I didn't mean to make you remember something unpleasant, I'm sorry.

[Geon Quuin]

Don't be. You evoked an emotion out of me. Which is good. You have a talent in writing. Thank you for being considerate. Although it made me remember something unpleasant, the fact you wanted to share your pain was enough for me. Thank you.

[Lost in Wonderland]

wow...one of your best yet it breaks my heart to read this Emily:/

[N!LoC]

what i got from reading this heartfelt poem.. was that he was some sort of a player?

[Serenity Faith]

I guess you could say that...

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

A very fine write indeed....
emotions nicely portrayed :)

[Serenity Faith]

Thank you!

[Zachary_James]

Emily, this is briliant i really like your write, and how they rhyme . Loved it.

[Serenity Faith]

Thank you very much!