Prolouge: Walk On Water

I never wanted to be a Squire, the enemy of my house and now a rebel being hunted by the kings guards. I just wanted to be a sorcerer to learn the craft of my trade and to help other kings like the Great Merlin. I never thought fate had different plans for me. I'm not a boy and not close to a man and here I am running with Allah for our life, her slave  chains rattling as the sound of hounds grew closer. Her long black hair sending sweet smell to my nostrils. Her hand gripped mine as we stopped at the widows lake and her eyes got wide.

 She couldn’t swim.

 

 I took her hand and stepped into the water, my sword now in its scabbard as I spoke the enchantments as I was taught. She looked at me with wide eyes as I stepped on the water and guided her up and spoke

 

 “ We have to get moving....their coming”

Author's Note

Did This keep you intrigued?
What do you think of this in overall?

Reviews

[Keith]

Your story is intriguing to be sure. Overall, I think it is a good start.

I may wish to introduce Allah in some other fashion. I had to stop the flow of my reading to try and figure out who you were talking about.

raft of my trade and to help other kings like the Great Merlin. (Makes it sound like Merlin was a king. Maybe something like "...help other kings. Just as the great Merlin had.)

She couldn’t swim. (You could expand this to a couple paragraphs where she expresses her inability and fear. Follow up with him reassuring her. This is a good chance for you to give the reader a glimpse of who these two people are.)

You are doing very well. I what to see what is going to happen next and that is key to having readers enjoy your work.