Sea Ghosts

This was another form challenge from Mike LaSalle (see details in author's note). (The formula used was invented by Michael LaSalle). Copyright 2008. All rights reserved by Michael LaSalle.

 

 

Seas reflecting glistened portals,

Keep history’s concealed lies,

Breeze deflecting christened mortals,

Seep mystery’s unsealed guise.

 

Waves repealing ghostly noises,

Past deception thickly drifts,

Graves revealing mostly voices,

Vast reception quickly shifts.

 

Men deluded endure foray,

Cries reflected haulted breath,

When precluded ensure today, 

Lies selected salted death.

 

Ten defeated seamen emerge, 

From hauntingly eerie tombs,

When retreated demons diverge,  

Comes dauntingly teary doom.

Author's Note

Mike's formula is:

4 stanzas, repeated as follows:

8/1-3-2-2 AA/BB/CC/DD
7/1-3-2-1 EE/FF/GG/HH
8/1-3-2-2 AA/BB/CC/DD
7/1-3-2-1 EE/FF/GG/HH

Honestly, this one was tough. The words have to rhyme in a certain order with a specific syllable count as shown above, but also be fitting to the content. It's harder then it looks. Whew. I'm tired now....lol.

It's about an overtaken and sunken ship, forsaken by its leaders and its sailors now haunting the sea. I hope you like it. :)

Reviews

[Mr. Lopez]

The formulas of poetry scramble my brain. I'm a shoot from the hip kinda guy but that does'nt mean that i can't appriciate your efforts. I think that admire is a more suitable word. Looks tough but the last couple of pieces that you've done like this were a total hit , as is this one. The end result is a poem that flows perfectly yet is complex. Throw in a sunken ship and ghosts and im there ! oh by the way.... I'm a HUGE Dani fan. Great work my friend.

Mr. Lopez

[Barbara Walker]

Wow, this is great! Great imagery! Sophisticated word choices that really fit this poem to a T!

[Helena]

Hauntingly beautiful....loved it Dani!

Helena

[Wanda S. Paryla]

This is awesome, and to think you came up with it based on a formula! Bravo! I am not a formula-type girl, and while I could have gotten some of it, that who AA/BB thing escapes me. I"m more into the art of poetry as opposed to the science and I just wing it. This is really great and I like the story. I didn't see that it was about a sunken ship, so while reading it, I pictured it being about people. I think it's great that you gave the ship a voice and a soul.

[None]

Fantastically crafted and a tough egg to crack! You really did a remarkable writing here. Your effort shows but this doesn't have a forced way about it. Great flow and feeling throughout.

[Mel Stevens]

I don't know about the formula, and all that jazz...but I do like the story you have told. If it was as difficult to write as you say, believe me when I tell you, it was worth it. I love the imagery, could see everything unfolding as I read.

[ANNA]

Everytime I read your poems. You blow me away by creating something new and breathtaking! Bravo Woman, Your freaking amazing and so damn good at writing! It took me twice to see what you wrote. It's deep and words I never seen any other wrote until now. With the rhyme and 4 stanzas. You are AWESOME! Thank you for sending this and sorry I'm just now reading it. I have some reading to do...hehe.. Well job

Much love n respect,
Anna
Thanks again, huggs

[A.J. Smith]

Wow! And now for your next poetic trick... Seriously, you did an amazing job with this, creating a smart, wonderfully-written, entertaining poem within an incredibly confining format. Few could achieve what you have done with this. Bravo!

PS, I love your font color!

[Catrinka]

This was Excellent Dani with a capitol E!!! I myself never studied poetry, patterns, formulas, etc...I just write - but you have showed a great amount of technical skill here, as well as it being such great food for the mind! KUDOS my friend, this was really really good!

[Adrian K. Smith]

I bow to your talent. I read the poem, and felt haunted by the tale you told. It flowed with a certain cadence that carried it well. Then I read your note. I did a doubletake. I looked back at it and was just wowed. I think people know I am kind of anti-form, I dread the plastic reads where somebody has forced their words into a form. It had a cadence, but a certain flow - but I did not realize the extent of the form you were using - it just seemed natural for a haunting piece. You gots mad skills.... :)

[ABBY]

this looks like it was hard to write. such beautiful words