crying on my own

crying on my own

A Poem by DarkArtz 2811

their word start to sting

as my tears fall

I didn't do anything

they push me to the wall

their word hit me hard

I didn't do it I shouldn't be dealt this card


they kick and punch

they say I'm not good enough

this is why I hide at lunch

my life is already getting tough

I feel so weak

but I don't do anything just let them speak


go home to sleep

find a new top

my bloody wound weeps

I wish this would stop

I cant think

I take it out on the wall till my knuckles are red bruised blue an pink


© 2017 DarkArtz 2811



Author's Note

DarkArtz 2811
I don't know what to do to fix it

My Review

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Featured Review

I do not usually do this, but your piece inspired me. What have I done? I have filled it out... Added in a rhythm to it... Given it a conclusion. So.... This is a present to you with nothing asked in return. You may have and take credit for it as is... or... and this is what I hope... You will take the premise and expand it... Make it your own... Make it into a masterpiece that you can be proud of. You have a lot of talent... I believe in you. Please accept my gift.
Their word start to sting
As my tears begin to fall
I didn't do anything wrong
Yet they push me to the wall
Raising my hands in defense
As their words they hit me hard
I didn't do it; I am not to blame
I shouldn't be dealt this card

Their attitude a kick and punch
They say that I'm not good enough
This is the reason; I hide at lunch
Because my life is already getting tough
I try to put on a bold face, toughen up
But the truth is that I feel so weak
I should retort but don't do anything
Just stand stupidly and let them speak

For now I will go home to sleep
For tomorrow perhaps find a new top
Nursing my bloody wounds weep
Wishing that this all would stop
Leave me alone please; I can’t think
I take my frustrations out on the wall
My knuckles red bruised; blue and pink
My only awareness is; how it all stinks

Yet I am but an egg in a shell
Waiting for my moment to be born
When I shall emerge from this young hell
My mind mature and no longer torn
Perhaps I will look back and I will weep
But I think I will be made of stronger stuff
And shall laugh in the face of those stupid creeps
Once I figure out that I have had enough




Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DarkArtz 2811

11 Months Ago

wow I LOVE it thank you

your amazing thanks your review



Reviews

This is an amazing piece. I got teary actually. Go to your manage writing page and click on the pencil or clip bored looking icon next to it. Then you can edit it BUT MAKE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN AND CLICK SAVE AFTER.

Posted 4 Months Ago


You have something good here, that doesn't actually need much polishing up. My only suggestions are to separate and isolate certain thoughts (example the last line in Stanza 1 can have a line break after "I didn't do it"), and then the last line, for musicality purposes, should be "....red, blue, and pink." Other than that, well done!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DarkArtz 2811

11 Months Ago

thank you for the review my friend
emipoemi

11 Months Ago

the pleasure is all mine
DarkArtz 2811

11 Months Ago

hehehe pm me if you'd like to chat
i guess bullies will always be with us

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DarkArtz 2811

11 Months Ago

yes unfortunately....... thank you for your review
 wordman

11 Months Ago

my pleasure
Aside from a few grammar mistakes, it is clearly a personal piece. I see alot of potential in you as a writer, some of your writing reminds me of myself years ago, the words I'd use and such.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DarkArtz 2811

11 Months Ago

I'm not really good at the grammar side of writing as everyone can see but thank you for your review.. read more
Mac. S

11 Months Ago

It comes with practice, if you are ever curious on a word or spelling google it. That and reading, .. read more
DarkArtz 2811

11 Months Ago

yes very true. thank you for your review once again
I do not usually do this, but your piece inspired me. What have I done? I have filled it out... Added in a rhythm to it... Given it a conclusion. So.... This is a present to you with nothing asked in return. You may have and take credit for it as is... or... and this is what I hope... You will take the premise and expand it... Make it your own... Make it into a masterpiece that you can be proud of. You have a lot of talent... I believe in you. Please accept my gift.
Their word start to sting
As my tears begin to fall
I didn't do anything wrong
Yet they push me to the wall
Raising my hands in defense
As their words they hit me hard
I didn't do it; I am not to blame
I shouldn't be dealt this card

Their attitude a kick and punch
They say that I'm not good enough
This is the reason; I hide at lunch
Because my life is already getting tough
I try to put on a bold face, toughen up
But the truth is that I feel so weak
I should retort but don't do anything
Just stand stupidly and let them speak

For now I will go home to sleep
For tomorrow perhaps find a new top
Nursing my bloody wounds weep
Wishing that this all would stop
Leave me alone please; I can’t think
I take my frustrations out on the wall
My knuckles red bruised; blue and pink
My only awareness is; how it all stinks

Yet I am but an egg in a shell
Waiting for my moment to be born
When I shall emerge from this young hell
My mind mature and no longer torn
Perhaps I will look back and I will weep
But I think I will be made of stronger stuff
And shall laugh in the face of those stupid creeps
Once I figure out that I have had enough




Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DarkArtz 2811

11 Months Ago

wow I LOVE it thank you

your amazing thanks your review
This is well done. Simply clean up the typos, and syntax stuff, and you've got yourself a really great piece, here.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

it sounds good to me :) straight to the point, bullying is never very good. An idea maybe increase the text size for some of the words, to make them stand out.

Always stay strong :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DarkArtz 2811

1 Year Ago

thanks for the review
Sometimes people try to humiliate,isolate or do anything to bring you down for some reason or the other or just because they can. But you should always stay above it , believe in yourself and be strong. It's good that your writing this,it's a good way of letting go of the negativity.

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 3 people found this review constructive.

DarkArtz 2811

1 Year Ago

thank you for the review

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422 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 11, 2017
Last Updated on September 11, 2017

Author

DarkArtz 2811
DarkArtz 2811

Australia



About
people judge what they cant handle. I judge what I can't help. every second was painful enough... but to relive it.... it kills me. more..

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