I always loved him

A short I wrote about the strength and power of love, and how deceiving it can be

This will be the true definition of a short story. A story so short, so definitive, that you won’t comprehend what it was about before the time has passed to realize.

 

No one can see what the sky seemed to depict that day. The droplets of water had just began to fall, coating my skin in a glossy shine. The scarlet river was flowing into the waves, twirling and dancing like nymphs. If anyone had seen only this, it would be utterly ravishing. But no one had seen…they didn’t see what passed.

 

I had once loved him. He had once been my everything, my guardian, and the lover I caressed. The night had been sorrowful, dank, and alluring. The scents had wrapped and tangled themselves around my body. I had my eyes pinned on his gorgeous body. The soft curves of his chest, inviting me in. I never wanted to run.

 

But it all happened too quickly to comprehend. His arms became rigid, his breathing rapid. That gentle caress turned into a lethal strangle. The elbow came to my throat, muzzling a scream. I was crushed to the soggy ground as his gigantic body enveloped my own. I wanted to cry, scream, and for the very first time, run for my life. He came forceful on me, taking away a piece of me as he withdrew.

 

No one will understand why I did it. You can’t see my reason. I loved that man with all my soul. He never did harm to me, at least I wish he didn’t. So as I am laying here, my lifeblood is joined with his. Mine from the soft skin of my wrist, his from the gash in the throat. You can’t comprehend why it had become this way. We loved one another, so there was no wrong. I saved him from his deeds, and I in return shall redeem myself for mine.

 

I always loved him…

 

Reviews

[hhoosh]

This is really good for a piece of flash-fiction, but please, for the love of literature, remove the words "Gore Filled Gash". It doesn't flow, and it basically cancels the entire emotion of the story. The worst thing a writer can do with a story is assume the reader is too dumb to get it.
Trust me, we get it.
And I don't know so much about the "glossy shine" depiction either. Also hurt the story, mostly because it is flash fiction. Unlike short stories, flash-fiction is supposed to be a pound of character, be it your character or us the reader. We accept the briefness of the tale and immerge ourselves within it. There really is not much point for the battering of description on most things when we, the reader, are there as soon as we begin to read your story.

Just come back to it when you forget the story and, when you feel you're reading someone else's work, I'm sure you'll be able to edit this piece into a perfect tale.

Very good, honest.

EDIT: If you want mystery to this story (What you imply will be the case in the first paragraph) you should really change that picture. Seeing that and then reading "rivers of red" or however you wrote it completely gives it away. Without that picture though... who knows? probably a more powerful tale.

[Jeff]

As I was reading this, I thought "ok he is an abusive boyfriend". Then I thought "if I was her I would be angry". When I came to the end I thought it was her who is dead, but then I read it again and I thought "ok it isn't her, it is he who is dead." All in all I enjoyed the short story.... the very short story. lol... I also was reading some of your other works and I thought they were interesting. I think I spent like 30min reading your stuff. You remind me of some of my favorite authors.