I loved the ethereal and contemplative title, it's very atmospheric, and sets the feel from the outset. It also made me think of the landscape within a human mind - a shadowy, ghost-like world, with a suggestion of many things going on, just barely invisible behind a screen of misted glass... with thoughts coming and going, brief yet as clear as glass, arriving in the moment and then fading, as breath fades so swiftly from glass.
The poem itself continues to be strongly atmospheric, a rich descriptive poem depicting an almost Dickensian scene, detailed and tightly woven and evocative. Like Dickens, you let the subtleties of the descriptives and moods tell the story and highlight the emotions and issues, rather than explicitly bringing these things to the forefront. Very beautifully done. The language is rich and your use of rhythm, sound, and modulation from short syllable words to multi-syllable words gives the poem satisfying chunk and feel and musicality. This is sophisticated and classy writing.
I love the line " Dried up love wilts like flowers, yet the stem of the heart leans to the sun again" that is beautiful and lends to hope.
In the first line you may consider changing it topass us by without a goodbye. It's more grammatically correct. Your choice. I would consider shortening the title to something like Ghostly breath on glass, or the like. Nice write
I think this is my favourite piece of yours so far... Each line resonates with the sad fact of being.
The ballet of flowers and insects, all things come and go.
The kiss heartlessly leaves no trace, all things wear out and die....
Straddles the whole gamut of human experience. A telling discourse on ephemerality of everything. An eloquent commentary on the darkness that lies within. And above all a moving piece about hope.
I love it. It's powerful and the imagery was something else entirely. When I read a poem I rarely imagine anything. Here my mind was working overtime. Well done. :D
oh what a magnificent piece, i am especially moved by the ending, great wrap up of such a morbid and beautiful thought. You contained some deep and provoking poetry and emotions in this, i commend you for creating such lovely imagery with simply wonderful words...its broken but also deeply touching.
I like the underlying positivity, a life gone a little astray but with hope left for a better future... Isn't that what happens to us all.
Quite a thought provoking piece.
I'm Russell from Wales.
I've been writing for many years. Writing is important to me and its my only reason for being on this site. I like to take my time on my poems and I hope to keep learning an.. more..