Life's Unwilling Participant

A dark poem written at a bad time in my life...

I don't want to die.

I just need to punish myself for living.

I can't change the past.

I won't change who I am.

I'm sorry I can't be who you want,

Who you need.

I am broken,

Damaged goods.

You can't fix me.

Every cut I make,

That burning sensation means I'm alive.

I'm life's unwilling participant,

Loves cruel and heartless joke.

Make-up may cover the scars on the outside,

But every cut is doubled on the inside.

The darkness is my life,

Hell is my master.

My love for you unfair,

Another dying battle for Satan to enjoy.

I'm sorry I can't be the one you deserve...

Author's Note

Thanks to the reviews my friends and other writers gave me... I've edited this slightly, so the flow is better... Thanks especially to Sean Benedict Guttensohn , for his extremely helpful pointers :)
~3rd in Best Poetry :D Piece Contest~

Reviews

[Sean]

Reminds me of Shakespeare's poem "To be, or not to be", I love the idea of "Life's unwilling participant." I have a few suggestions, if you'd like... "But every cut is worth double on the inside.", the word 'worth' is connotes good intentions, or at least it does to me, I'd suggest another word, such as "But every cut hurts double on the inside." Fits better, or so I think.

"Loves cruel and heartless joke.", you should add a " ' " to your loves... it should be Love's. Otherwise, it means you love cruel and heartless jokes. Sorry, don't mean to be a pain, but your poem would flow a lot better. :)

Last suggestion would be "My love for you is unfair," you don't really need the "Is" think. It would more dramatic that way...has an inherent pause, by saying "My love for you unfair"... Just my two cents. :)

Nice effort though!

[Steven Cash]

95/100

[Steven Cash]

I liked it. Very raw and real

i take it it's like a, "I'm not worth of your love, cause you have no idea who I am", thing, right?

[Sugar and Spice]

not quite, more "you know who i am and still love me, even tho i dont deserve it' type thing :)

[judith106]

Wow this hit home. I cant wait to read more of your work

[Alex Paulsen]

This reminds me of how I'd love to rip my chest open, but was born without handles for a good grip. We're stuck with this dreaded human condition that's long been spoken of.

Your writing style here fascinates me, it sucks me in and holds my focus. Pictures flash endlessly before me with every line.

Your Kiwi neighbour
Alex

[Wolfwind]

This piece speaks of a double edged knife that a person feels with every action, or it least that's what I see in it. Kinda like, can't do right, can't do wrong, but either course taken, still ends up in a storm of unsureness. And in life, being unsure puts a enormous strain on emotional relations. Always a balancing act.

Good ink! Makes one think.
Aaron

[Jon Buckley]

I love this. Very powerful imagery with strong words to back it up. Especially like:
"The darkness is my life, Hell is my master". Very good!

[Distant horizons]

dark and intense emotions rising in this. The battle goes on. Wonderfully written

[Tai Ryens]

Very dark, such painful words spoken, and something I can relate to. Every word written in this piece seems to speak out to me, and this has a personal tie with my emotions felt deep within. I loved every word of this poem, except for a fair few, which seem to contradict my thoughts slightly. But despite that, it's an amazing piece. Keep it up.