Help

Someone come along and help me.

I can't do anything anymore.

Can't breathe.
Can't smile.
Can't cry.

I'm giving up.
I just want to vanish.

The music isn't helping.
I can't even write.

I'm tired.

Tired of this loneliness.
Tired of feeling like no one cares.
Tired of sitting in a dark room wishing to cry on a shoulder.
Tired of pretending I can handle pain.

I'm tired. And I'm tired of that too.

I can cry.
I can shout.
I can write it all out.

But it won't make a difference.

You can say it's okay.
You can be here for me.

But I'll still feel the same.

I won't be able to trust you.
Your kindness, I'll never get used to.

Someone, help me.
This is my last cry.

..I want to die.

Reviews

[Mary Ochoa]

Felt a lot of strong sad feelings in this write. Be strong friend. You have great talent and many want to continue to see that.

[Bhumika Devkota]

This is truly a sad piece. If it is a story, well done. But if this is how your feeling, hang in there. You're a great and talented writer. I hope you will feel better.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The plea in the lines goes the distance...yet as the reader seems a bit much...with the emotional tone...but I did read through the entirety...the part where you put forth emphasis:

Tired of this loneliness.
Tired of feeling like no one cares.
Tired of sitting in a dark room wishing to cry on a shoulder.
Tired of pretending I can handle pain.

I'm tired. And I'm tired of that too.

---

edited...would give this the tone and feel of the work...


Tired of this loneliness.
Tired of feeling like no one cares.
Tired of sitting in a dark room...
...wishing to cry on a shoulder.
Tired of pretending, I can handle pain.

I'm tired.
Oh so, tired of that too.

---
so the entirety would look like this:

Someone come along and help me.

I can't do anything anymore.

Can't breathe.
Can't smile.
Can't cry.

I'm giving up.
I just want to vanish.

The music isn't helping.
I can't even write.

I'm tired.

Tired of this loneliness.
Tired of feeling like no one cares.
Tired of sitting in a dark room...
...wishing to cry on a shoulder.
Tired of pretending, I can handle pain.

I'm tired.
Oh so, tired of that too.

I can cry.
I can shout.
I can write it all out.

But it won't make a difference.

You can say it's okay.
You can be here for me.

But I'll still feel the same.

I won't be able to trust you.
Your kindness, I'll never get used to.

Someone, help me.
This is my last cry.

...I want to die.


just as an example...breaks pace and gets the attention of your reader...and still have the feel without the longer line just hanging out there in left field...this is IMPO...do what makes you comfortable as a writer...good day...

[Luna Zerimar]

Thank you for reading!

And, yes, I see what you mean. It does give more of an impact. But, I choose to keep it the way I have it written. Only because this poem is a poem I really didn't try on. It's raw. Just what I've been feeling lately.

Your feedback is greatly appreciated. I will keep your advice in mind the next time I write.

[Dark Poet]

Oh my. This is such a painfullly written poem and I'm sorry for your feelings...I know what it's like. It's very well written amd i love the rhymes you included.

[Emily]

I like the story it tells and how you tell it.
Well done!

[Ana B.]

what a sad story....hope everything is going alright with you my dear, it is a raw reflection of what we all are feeling from time to time......just tired of being tired.....great write