Help

Help

A Poem by Jessica Ramirez

Someone come along and help me.

I can't do anything anymore.

Can't breathe.
Can't smile.
Can't cry.

I'm giving up.
I just want to vanish.

The music isn't helping.
I can't even write.

I'm tired.

Tired of this loneliness.
Tired of feeling like no one cares.
Tired of sitting in a dark room wishing to cry on a shoulder.
Tired of pretending I can handle pain.

I'm tired. And I'm tired of that too.

I can cry.
I can shout.
I can write it all out.

But it won't make a difference.

You can say it's okay.
You can be here for me.

But I'll still feel the same.

I won't be able to trust you.
Your kindness, I'll never get used to.

Someone, help me.
This is my last cry.

..I want to die.

© 2015 Jessica Ramirez



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Reviews

Felt a lot of strong sad feelings in this write. Be strong friend. You have great talent and many want to continue to see that.

Posted 2 Years Ago


This is truly a sad piece. If it is a story, well done. But if this is how your feeling, hang in there. You're a great and talented writer. I hope you will feel better.

Posted 2 Years Ago


The plea in the lines goes the distance...yet as the reader seems a bit much...with the emotional tone...but I did read through the entirety...the part where you put forth emphasis:

Tired of this loneliness.
Tired of feeling like no one cares.
Tired of sitting in a dark room wishing to cry on a shoulder.
Tired of pretending I can handle pain.

I'm tired. And I'm tired of that too.

---

edited...would give this the tone and feel of the work...


Tired of this loneliness.
Tired of feeling like no one cares.
Tired of sitting in a dark room...
...wishing to cry on a shoulder.
Tired of pretending, I can handle pain.

I'm tired.
Oh so, tired of that too.

---
so the entirety would look like this:

Someone come along and help me.

I can't do anything anymore.

Can't breathe.
Can't smile.
Can't cry.

I'm giving up.
I just want to vanish.

The music isn't helping.
I can't even write.

I'm tired.

Tired of this loneliness.
Tired of feeling like no one cares.
Tired of sitting in a dark room...
...wishing to cry on a shoulder.
Tired of pretending, I can handle pain.

I'm tired.
Oh so, tired of that too.

I can cry.
I can shout.
I can write it all out.

But it won't make a difference.

You can say it's okay.
You can be here for me.

But I'll still feel the same.

I won't be able to trust you.
Your kindness, I'll never get used to.

Someone, help me.
This is my last cry.

...I want to die.


just as an example...breaks pace and gets the attention of your reader...and still have the feel without the longer line just hanging out there in left field...this is IMPO...do what makes you comfortable as a writer...good day...

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jessica Ramirez

2 Years Ago

Thank you for reading!

And, yes, I see what you mean. It does give more of an impact... read more
Oh my. This is such a painfullly written poem and I'm sorry for your feelings...I know what it's like. It's very well written amd i love the rhymes you included.

Posted 2 Years Ago


I like the story it tells and how you tell it.
Well done!

Posted 2 Years Ago


what a sad story....hope everything is going alright with you my dear, it is a raw reflection of what we all are feeling from time to time......just tired of being tired.....great write

Posted 2 Years Ago



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Added on April 6, 2015
Last Updated on April 6, 2015

Author

Jessica Ramirez
Jessica Ramirez

Houston, TX



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Which famous Poet are you?I got Edgar Allan Poe - Which famous Poet are you?You're like Edgar Allan Poe. He had a rich, extraordinary, unusual personality which can be quite difficult to describe. M.. more..

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