Ocean Deep

Millions of fathoms below
Below the waves where no man goes 
Imagination and truth collide
To form dreams, but all of them hide

Praying hands of the sea
Holds a mirrored treasure with glee
A precious thing so mystical
A magic ball of no things logistical

Horse of the depths
Certainly too wild to make into pets
They live as Yellow and gold
As so I am told

Fish of the ocean
Have a strong leader among them
Face of a man, tail of a fish
Close your eyes, make a wish

Million of fathoms below
Below the waves where no sun goes
Dreams and wonders exist
Too many of them to put on any list 
 

Reviews

[rubydreamer]

I love where you are going with this. The imagery is great and your word choice is, for the most part, well crafted. However I think with the fairly common rhyme scheme you have going on it feels like you were trying very hard to force words to rhyme *and* fit with what you wanted to express. One example:

"Compact of the sea
Holds a mirrored treasure with glee
A precious thing so mystical
A magic ball of pure crystal"

I imagine you are talking about a clam with a pearl inside. At first I had no idea what you were talking about. But after I copy/pasted I thought of it. ^^ However, the last two lines feel very unnatural in how they rhyme and their syllabic structure. I think, perhaps if you had a syllable-scheme and reworded the poem carefully, it would be a very well-flowing and easy to read poem.

(Mind you I am very picky with poems when they show any sort of attempt at structure. I'm not like this with free verse.)

Other than what I pointed out, I like the topic, I like how you portray the simple treasures of the sea and I love the feel of magic that you are bringing to something we often overlook. Well done!

[Melissa Kesead]

I am a person of the sea and I believe in all the wonders it holds. Well done!