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Chills

Chills

A Poem by The Iron Horseman
"

A poem about the nature of fear.

"

When you stare into the night,

And the night stares back,

And you draw in your breath,

And you wait for the attack.


But the attack doesn't come,

Although the darkness stirs,

A blacker shadow moves,

But its outline blurs.


A twig breaks in the surrounding trees,

A night creature coughs from the rocks behind,

Branches are rattled by the cool night breeze,

A night owl's screech brings dying to your mind.


The shadows shift,

As the moon begins to rise,

But the darkness closes in,

And something small screams as it dies.


Your heart beats faster,

And your sweat turns cold,

You are suddenly aware that darkness,

Is very, very old.


You spin on your heel,

You race for your home,

Knowing something is behind you,

And you are very, very alone.


As you rush into the clearing,

Flooded by Home's bright lights,

You know you made the right decision,

When you chose to run, rather than to fight.


Although you never saw it,

Be it man, or monster, or bear,

The fact you didn't see it,

Doesn't mean it wasn't there.



© 2017 The Iron Horseman



© 2018 The Iron Horseman



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Featured Review

Really great job with the description! It really feels like a movie, which is really hard esp for a poem.

However, a few thoughts:
I feel like there are a few too many "and"s; it ruin the flow for me. The story as a whole is very flowy and nice--I think just taking out some of the "and"s altogether would help a lot.
Also, your rhyme schemes are inconsistent, so I think on the subconscious level of the reader, it would tie together even more smoothly if you kept it as an abab scheme instead of a abcb type where the first and third line words don't rhyme.



Overall, very well written! I will be sure to check out your other works. Keep it up!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Thanks, ShadeSlayer. The stacked 'ands in the first verse were a deliberate choice for emphasis. The.. read more
Joshua Cialis

1 Year Ago

I both disagree and agree with the review above. I agree that the use of stacked 'and' is a little .. read more
The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Thank you for your input.



Reviews

Another clever and humour filled piece. Good description and it moves at a canter with excellent atmospheric conditions set. You do rhyming poetry well but I detected at least one forced rhyme and used 'raced' twice which dilutes the purity of the work.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

The 'race' thing is fixed!
John Alexander McFadyen

1 Year Ago

Yep I like that much better. The old darkness can work. It is a poet's licence to craft words as fit.. read more
The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Thanks for the input, John.
IronHorseman - I liked the craft, the intent and flow of this eerie story overall, despite a few correctables. Now I'm kinda glad I brought the popcorn and came early for the movie "chills". Thanks for the share IH. Namyh

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed the show!
Okay...I am going to admit I did a little happy dance, hand clappy thing! Finally, someone who gets it! DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR! (my mantra as I watch my much beloved horror flicks).

I absolutely love this work. The cadence is perfect, I was sorely tempted to race ahead, but didn't dare for fear that maybe there was a better clue to aid in a fight of flight decision. Your building of dark foretelling is superb.

The greatest part of this poem for me is the after effect. I could feel the safety and the "no one will believe this" but that doesn't mean it still didn't happen. That irrevocable knowledge of an encounter, an encounter with something unexplained. Gooseflesh everywhere!

Top notch. Can't wait to devour more of your work.

Oh - and the rhyme....you have a magical ability there. I am quite jealous of anyone who can work in rhyme and lyric. This was fantastic, the words never felt forced to fit - it was a natural flow and that made it all the more eerie, like reading from an ancient Grimoire when spells were rhymed naturally, diving from their source.

This is going in my favorites.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Wow! I think that is absolutely the most heart-warming review I have ever read! Thank you so much fo.. read more
Poetic License

1 Year Ago

You are so welcome!
Really great job with the description! It really feels like a movie, which is really hard esp for a poem.

However, a few thoughts:
I feel like there are a few too many "and"s; it ruin the flow for me. The story as a whole is very flowy and nice--I think just taking out some of the "and"s altogether would help a lot.
Also, your rhyme schemes are inconsistent, so I think on the subconscious level of the reader, it would tie together even more smoothly if you kept it as an abab scheme instead of a abcb type where the first and third line words don't rhyme.



Overall, very well written! I will be sure to check out your other works. Keep it up!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Thanks, ShadeSlayer. The stacked 'ands in the first verse were a deliberate choice for emphasis. The.. read more
Joshua Cialis

1 Year Ago

I both disagree and agree with the review above. I agree that the use of stacked 'and' is a little .. read more
The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

Thank you for your input.
Four in the morning in the woods. You listen to yourself breathing. Every sound is amplified. I suppose it can scare the crap out of you. But then, city folks. It's when you hear of people getting lost for weeks.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The Iron Horseman

1 Year Ago

I live in the woods. I was lying in bed listening to the night noises when I wrote this! I actually .. read more

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5 Reviews
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Added on April 7, 2017
Last Updated on March 17, 2018
Tags: fear, darkness, chills, shivers, night terrors, panic, paranoia, poems, poetry, horror

Author

The Iron Horseman
The Iron Horseman

Canada



About
Aspiring new writer. I enjoy writing stories, poems and song lyrics. In fact most of my poems are song lyrics! All constructive input is welcome. If you think something sucks, tell me so. I won't be o.. more..

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