Failure

This poem happens to be my first dark poem. I wrote this when I became depressed for the first time because once again I had failed at a dream that I had fought desperately to achieve. I thought at the time that maybe I should just forget about it but in

It started as a dream,

a dream to be all that I could be,

never have I achieved it,

always trying and never stopping,

always it eludes me,

every chance I get,

I never seem to get close,

time and again I have failed,

“failed” this word is my curse,

everything I do is closely followed by failure,

I have failed at my dream,

I have failed at my desire,

I have failed my family,

I have even failed myself,

to never give up is my motto my way,

but now it seems that I will never reach my goal,

and now it seems that I should do what I have never done before,

so I ask myself:

Should I truly give up on my dream?

I ask myself this question,

because it seems that destiny isn't on my side,

I have always tried to defy it,

but yet again all I do is fail,

I have always said that I'm the most cockiest SOB on this planet,

but I also have the worst luck in the world,

my confidence and my luck,

my blessing and my curse,

my dream and my reality,

never knowing when to quit,

it seems that the time has come,

so I ask myself:

Should I truly give up on my dream?

This question is like poison,

it kills me to think this way,

it tears me apart to even consider this option,

never before was this an option,

but lately I have suffered too many losses,

too many failures,

I have become what I swore I never would,

I have lost my confidence,

I have become discouraged,

I have become disheartened,

I have become angry,

I am angry at my losses,

I am angry at my failures,

I am angry at myself,

angry that I have even uttered the thought,

of doing what I have never done before,

giving up,

I have laughed at the thought,

never in a million years,

did I ever believe that I would do it,

not that I have yet,

surrendering, submission, yielding, giving up,

these words bring hatred to my heart and soul,

but they also bring fear,

fear that I am weak,

fear to show my weakness,

fear to even think that I have one,

a weakness, a blind spot, an Achilles' heel,

now more that ever I ask myself:

Should I truly give up on my dream?

Should I despair and wallow in my sorrow?

Should I stop fighting and give in to the darkness,

that is slowly but surely surrounding me?

Alas these questions are without answers,

for I have not the heart to give them one,

it seems that I am fighting a losing battle,

a battle where most people would have given up,

I have passed my limit,

reached new ones and passed even those,

I am at my end,

I cannot go any further,

so I ask myself:

Should I truly give up on my dream?

I will always be waiting for this answer,

that I will never have,

for I cannot bring myself to answer it,

such is my fate,

such is my destiny.

Author's Note

I have the answer to those questions and I know that I have to continue fighting even if it kills me.

Reviews

[ajasminewallflower]

I will say this one more time to get it through your thick skull.You better keep fighting for the thing you truley desire most. No matter what. My mother says that to be truely strong and powerful is to fight for what you believe in and what makes a strong woman or man is to accept our flaws and make them our strengths.I know you have it in you to truely win and defeat these doubts and demons within the abiss of your mind and if you heed my words I think you'll come out a better person in the end and I will stand by this statement.I will not have the person that somehow gives more fight within myself to be the best be a total lie...

[Nick Almanza]

wow dude. .really deep i like it dude. man ur are a great poet. .i wish i could write just as good as you