The Pill

The Pill

A Poem by Joey Nizz

Xanax to help me with my dying mind
Restoril to help me close my eyes and obliterate my thoughts and wake a new
Xanax, stop giving me these racing thoughts that run wild in my mind uncontrollably and confused
Pestoril, you're the one that changes my insomnia to the dreams I've been longing for when you finally make me shut down in the night
Xanax, please help me forget but don't destroy my thoughts
Pestoril, please help me shut them down again but please make me wake again

Xanax, I don't wanna forget the feeling of...
Pastoril, please I don't want you to lock me up deep inside
Xanax and Pastoril, Don't make me forget, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
But dear god, I really wanna let it go!

Come with me again as we go back to bed, I don't wanna sleep alone
Xanax, Pastoril you hid my struggle but couldn't hide my emptiness
You let it show
Looking at my reflection to see what you wrought
Nothing but ugliness and the darkest shades under my eyes
Shades of the very darkness I have fought
My reflection holds nothing but lies
The lies that I have tried to conceal by using you
But both of you brought me nothing but more pain
messing up my mentality to make me look insane
I can't really hold on to me
I wonder whats wrong with me?

You drowned my well to sore
Deep down the water I inundate to its very core
Only here in the darkness you have besieged me is where I know myself
I'll never be free unless I break it by letting go of me
So please
Let go of me...

Shadows and voices reappeared to me as soon as I gave up on you
My friends, please I need you again
Having you is better than to be alone
I had to wait until the very end when I had to fall again
Once again among the ashes
Once again I must ask you
Why can't I hold on to me
Whats wrong with me?

Xanax, Restoril please help me
Xanax, Restoril stay away from me




© 2017 Joey Nizz



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Reviews

I absolutely can't express in words how much I adored this reading! I struggled with drugs, and every ignorant boyfriend I ever had did as well. Until the most current one, when he changed my world around.. slowly but surely. Great piece.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Joey Nizz

3 Months Ago

Im sorry to hear about your struggle with drugs but I am more than happy to hear that you have won t.. read more
I struggled with benzo's pretty hard after I got out of the military. The VA would pretty much give you whatever you want under certain circumstances; that s**t almost killed me and certainly did turn me into a different, horrible person for a while. Even though they did help me at first, eventually it became a serious problem. A lot of teens these days love to be trendy and say they have PTSD or are depressed and anxious... then they end up on venlafaxine or Prozac with a little Depakote and some kind of benzo for their made up panic attacks/sleep disorder and just like that... bam... their entire brain chemistry is rewired and now they actually are fucked up in the head. Pharmies like that should be a weapon of last resort, I wish I never met them and just smoked some weed and cathartically yelled at my psychologist for 45 minutes a week. This is an important poem you have written... I hope the brooding little emo teens on this site take this to heart and stay the f**k away from that s**t. Getting off it once you're on it for a while is a god damn nightmare

Posted 3 Months Ago


Joey Nizz

3 Months Ago

I actually thought about it before I added the full word, now that I heard it from someone else then.. read more
Scotch Whisky Dave

3 Months Ago

It's definitely easier that way.
Joey Nizz

3 Months Ago

Yeah, thanks, I appreciate it.
Nice piece. I like the idea of two opposing views yet interdependent on each other to create a wonderful thought of struggle and pain. Keep writing Joey. :)

Posted 5 Months Ago


Joey Nizz

5 Months Ago

Thank you for your review and support, I'm glad that you liked it :)
There is an earthy reality to this as the struggle between wanting to be free of dependence and wanting to be free is played out. Good pathos!

Posted 6 Months Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

Thanks man I agree with you, Thanks for reviewing and for sharing your thoughts.
Now this is intense. Gut wrenching stuff when we come so dependent that we feel trapped. Solace and relief cease to exist. One extreme after another. You did an awesome job of creating the painful and chaotic mood that so many experience. Nicely penned.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

Thanks I'll check it out.
duff

6 Months Ago

Thank you Joey. It's a pleasure chatting my friend
Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

Your welcome, good talk :)
this is honesty heartbreaking. it's amazing that this can be represented with words, it broohjh me to tears. i love this so much, thank you

Posted 6 Months Ago


Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

Your welcome, I just wanted to express how would someone who had this problem feel,
Im glad .. read more
Wow! Frightening trip into an imprisoned, tortured mind where drugs both save and destroy. No peace. No peace. Back and forth. Delusional or raised like Lazarous. So well and bravely written, I feel this - " I had to wait to the very end when I had to fall again." Makes tears. Great.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you've liked it :)
And yeah there are a few people out t.. read more
"You drowned my well to sore
Deep down the water I inundate to its very core
Only here in the darkness you have besieged me is where I know myself
I'll never be free unless I break it by letting go of me"

I really like how you wrote this, perfectly written, nice job!

Posted 6 Months Ago


Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

Thank you Rassoul im glad that you think so and thanks for your comment! ^^
This is so finely written, it hurts. Your use of language, whether fact or fiction, methinks the former, but.. .. is incredibly visible, incredibly honest. In fact, in a way, the way you continue from the third stanza becomes a haunting audible chant.. or something similar.. not sure how to express it.

Trouble is that it is more than hard to throw away crutches .. the memory of them is deeply embedded and somehow lure a being when dark times hit. Please, find the light.. yes?

Posted 6 Months Ago


Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

Thank you for reading, and yes we must all look for the light that will show us the way, the right w.. read more
emmajoy

6 Months Ago

Tr ue, every word.
A haunting back and forth... Meds and I go wayyy back... This was a deep one for me... Really brought some personal emotions to the surface... Extremely well penned, and with a haunting voice...

Posted 6 Months Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

One ride in the memory book ay?
Im glad your fine now and no need for meds hopefully.
Silente

6 Months Ago

I think we are all a bit F.I.N.E.... Haha, but seriously... I am splendid, thanks for the concern..... read more
Joey Nizz

6 Months Ago

Lol yes we are, thats great im glad that your! and you got it!

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448 Views
22 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on May 13, 2017
Last Updated on September 5, 2017
Tags: Pill, narcotic, Xanax, Pestoril, sorrow, pain, lost, confused, bipolar, Benzo, Benzodiazepine

Author

Joey Nizz
Joey Nizz

Manama, Reef Island, Bahrain



About
Whatever the mind and heart creates, I put it down with my pen on a paper, whatever inspires me and whatever inspires others, I got to share the inspiration and the knowledge and the hardship that I a.. more..

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