Rain

It came and remained

sometimes fast sometimes slow

it erased everything

that he made just for show

 

The darker the sky

the darker his heart

the dark mystic fog

which too did it's part

 

His agony shown

but he wont share his sorrow

the roofs of his friends

he dared not to borrow

 

It hit him full strength

bringing tears to his eye

he fall on his knees

and requested to die

 

Now soaked and despaired

on the ground he'll remain

until someone'll come by

and will shut off the rain

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

Love the last line.. this rhyme scheme felt a bit forced to me in places.
Again, nice piece. Great imagery. c:

-Coral-

[ELii]

I have been here so many times. When all the walls that you built crumble, and you feel you cannot lean on anyone. I have heard people say, rain is only liquid sunshine. Great way to put things into perspective.
Nice write. Thanks for entering the "Struggle with Thyself" contest. Good Luck.

[DarkAngelWriter]

Awwwww :( dude... ish sad. Sad sucks. Yet this is great. *shuts off the rain so people can be happeh again :D*

[mattavelli]

This is great!
I really like the thoughts and the flow of the rhyme.
At this point, "on the ground he remains", perhap you'd think of changing it to something like, On the ground he'll remain.
That S killed of your rhyming pattern.
Take care.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I liked this this was great, few things that stood out to me: "hart" -heart? "and shut off the rain" - shuts.


Other than that, Great Write!