Tangling insides

I could barely breathe 
My head was breaking 
And I was suffocating 

Everything was almost black 
But there was a dim light 
In my vision 

There were noises all around 
Clashing with each other 

My body was trying to survive 
But my mind was tempted to just give up

Reviews

[Najam Us Saher]

Yes. We do feel like this sometimes. You express your emotions really well. I like it. I've read all your poems and I liked them. Well done.

[Justateddyberry]

Thank you so much :)) you can read more at sfondato.blogspot.com. Lemme know what you think!

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome. ☺

[Writing Angel]

Wow... I love the imagery is the mystery.. captured?..tortured?... great job it appeals very well to many things ...please write more as I feel elaboration could be great for you

[Justateddyberry]

Thank you, stay tune for my longer writes!

[Beautiful Mistake]

I like your poem and the overall emotion. But I feel that it could be longer and you could really sell it. So far it feels so unfinished as if all the points aren't there. Keep up the good work

[Justateddyberry]

Hi, thank you for your feedback :) may I ask in what area do you feel I can expand on?

[Beautiful Mistake]

Your level of description; I would have loved to see some powerful lines such as. "My insides twisting and mangling into a knot" or "I was suffocating past my heart and down to my soul." That way the reader can almost feel the pain themselves

[Justateddyberry]

Alright thanks! Working towards it. Do check out my new short story if you enjoy such genre, cheers!

[NonnieK]

I am glad the light anchored you.

[Justateddyberry]

Thank you :)