Alone

An ancient man sat weary upon a park bench,
Pulled from his faded musings with a wrench,
The grey road stretched out far behind him,
Full of decisions executed without a whim,
Regret chased him like an old and bitter wife,
Making him relive every mistake in his life.
Now he walked his faltering journey alone,
The voices around him fading to an endless drone.
The next fresh generation had their own lives to lead,
They had forgotten his every wish, dream and deed.
Now there was only himself to remember the past,
Without him, how would the memories come to last?
He was not ready to face the bitter and final end,
The man would do anything and pay any stipend,
But his time was over and he had to leave,
Despite him having no one who would grieve.
His heart gasped like a dying bird,
Choking on a beat that wouldn’t be heard.
As his last breath floated into the sky,
And the old man lay down to die,
Nobody would cry or mourn or suffer,
Save his soul, with it’s final shudder.

Reviews

[marty360]

I really like this piece. Shows what The End can really be like for some people. I can really see the personal insight you've had when writing this. Very well written, Luke.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thanks Martin! :D

[Shaun Payton]

I enjoy rhyme when it has such a valuable message. Some rhyme just to rhyme, but your concise it appears to me to what you wish to convey. Reading this I felt bad for the old man.

[Luke Rawlings]

I am glad you liked it. This is one of my favourites that I have written :P

[Shaun Payton]

I look forward to reading more

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Sad...but true. We all die alone. This reminds me of a poem I read once by Whitman, it was a conversational piece about/with death. It also reminds me a little of Poe in an odd way. I think that the overall piece might be helped if it were broken up into couplets based on your rhyme scheme...the one big chunk is tough on the eyes. Overall, nicely written.

[Luke Rawlings]

I am glad it reminded you of some famous poets, though I have not read them. Which poems are they that you mean mine are similar to? The structure is a good point, but it felt better as one like a story. Thank you for the review :)

[lee von cleef]

Clanking wife, replacing Bitter would make me smile. O K i am smiling anyway.

[Luke Rawlings]

I am glad it made you smile.. I think haha. But I prefer bitter, clanking sounds more machine-like haha. Thank you!

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Brilliantly penned and excellent read. Cheers!

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you very much :)

[quinfinn]

odd, this malady which plagues us....forgetting and not knowing. i sat at the pub the other night and was joined by a young lady half my age (she was 30) . she was not yet in her cups when she told me how youthful and good looking i was and i had to ask the obvious question...."how recently did your dad pass away, honey?" she couldn't understand how i knew. it had only been a couple of months. it is only when young people learn the value of those who came before that they appreciate and desire the company of those who remind them of that loss. i remember being that age and thinking old people were boring and set in their ways. she had learned a valuable lesson. i can tell you that she bought me several drinks, smothered me with hugs and kisses and lavished attention upon me until i left.....alone. another man may have taken advantage of her inebriation but she was like a daughter to me and i gave her the respect she deserved. this poem is an excellent example, beautifully written, of how people are forgotten and abandoned because they are no longer relevant, well done!

[Luke Rawlings]

That is a lovely story... It was what I was aiming for. I was actually thinking of an uncle who died of cancer when I wrote it, so I was aiming for what you have said. Thnk you for that review, and that inspirational tale :)

[KAOlmsted]

That's what happens when you outlive your entire circle of friends, I suppose, and you are deemed too old and insignificant by the younger generation to even warrant a tear shed by your passing. Sad, this. Excellent write. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you for the review! That is the feeling I aimed for. And you're welcome! :)

[KAOlmsted]

You nailed it. My pleasure...

[Luke Rawlings]

;D

[R E Tree]

I can understand why this poem is called Alone. The use of words make the poem stand out because its very straight to the point. The way you use words such as bitter, past, grieve, down, suffer, soul, end and leave brings imagery of being alone and helpless. I liked the ending of the poem because it expressed death as something good because it would free the man from his suffering. I like how you connect with the character. I can see it developing through out the poem. He is somebody in a desperate situation so he deserves the thought

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you Rose! It is an indepth review as always. :)