The Lie Behind Her Smile

This story is half true.I was Ella and my ex bf was Eric. I had the suicide letter written out (to my best friend) but when my Eric came into my life his love saved me. He almost made my smile real :)

Ella’s eyes were breathtaking. The color fluctuated between a gold that resembled beams of light radiating off a black sun and auburn decorated with dark speckles. Any man would find himself lost in her eyes. But they were much more than their color. Her shy, yet bubbly, personality reflected through, pulling you in. With only one glance, I was captured by her and she became my muse. Ella was my inspiration in life, the reason that I use to believe the eyes were the windows to the soul. But one day, she destroyed that belief; my muse is gone now.

  As soon as the bell rang my feet became a blur as I raced to the door. To my dismay, the hallway was a mess of students filing out of the classrooms. My impatient personality drove me to eliminate anything that hindered my rendezvous with Ella. A trail of flailing bodies formed behind me, their derogatory language answered with a sardonic grin.

  She greeted me with her eternal smile that seemed to never waver. Even if her pearly white teeth were not displayed, she still had the same bright presence. Ella’s warm voice melted my heart as we discussed our day. But as the conversation went on, I no longer had her undivided attention. I searched her eyes for an answer and then something unusual happened. Her eyes lost their beauty as they became tear-filled and dull. I watched her smile fall and in an instant, she returned to normal. Something about her moment of obscure abnormality was unsettling.

  I realized that Ella’s smile was the reason her eyes were so enchanting. When it disappeared, I died. She was still Aphrodite, but the little sparkle was gone. Something was wrong. All night I stayed up pondering about that one short moment. Should I have said something?

  I awoke to the sound of a light knock on my door. Hoping that whoever it was would go away, I pretended to still be asleep. But the knocking continued, becoming louder and louder to the point where I just wanted the annoyance to stop. I stomped to the door and swung it open, ready to explode at the person behind it. I only stopped myself when I saw who was behind the door.

 “Son, we have to talk about your girlfriend, Ella.”

“DAD! She is not my girlfriend…”

 But I realized as soon as the words escaped my mouth that it was an honest mistake; he wasn’t teasing me. The look on his face was serious.

“I’m so so sorry.”

He wasn’t apologizing for assuming that I was with Ella. My father’s eyes began to water and he was looking at me…his expression… was it pity?

“What’s going on?”

Everything in me said that I should run, escape from the words that I didn’t want to hear.

  “Your gir… I mean your friend, Ella, she… she took her own life last night. Her mother is downstairs right now. She would like to speak to you.”

I became a zombie as I shuffled down the stairs. My mind went completely blank and my body was numb. Ella’s mom was at the kitchen table attempting to look composed, but her rats nest for hair and coffee stained shirt told the whole story. The pained look in her eyes matched mine. She placed a folded piece of paper in my hand and then held me close.

“We found this in Ella’s room. You’re the only one she left a message for. Treasure her last words for us.”

  Ella’s mom left quietly. I looked at the paper in my hand and as I unraveled the mess of folds, a river began to flow down my face.

 “Dear Eric,

  I love you. You are the only reason I could barely manage to smile every day. But it’s all become too much for me. I can’t stand another day of torment from the other kids at school or fearing the older boys that use me for their “fun”. The bruises from being shoved into lockers, thrown into a ditch, and being stomped on seem to never disappear. And at home my parents have already forgotten that I exist.  It’s as if I am already gone. Most of all I can’t stand another day of hiding behind that fake smile. It’s just too much. I am done. Good bye, Eric. Thank you for being there for me. You almost made my smile real.”

  I was a wilted flower. My shriveled up stem could no longer support my head that seemed to weigh a ton and I slowly sank down till my knees met the ground with a loud thump. As I held her last words in my hand, a bittersweet nostalgia for her last smile welled up inside of me. I felt as if I never really knew Ella. I was oblivious to her misery. How could I not realize there was pain behind every joke, tears after every laugh, and a struggle for every smile? 

  Her stoic façade concealed the agony of an aching heart that yearned for peace. Ella endured the pressure of the lie behind her smile until she broke. Her shattered pieces left scars on my wrists and her last words brought the wistfulness that tied the noose around my neck. I became cold and the folded piece of paper fell from my hand to the ground. My lifeless eyes were fixed on the last line of the page “I will make your smile real.” The ink was still fresh.

Reviews

[SJ Mullins]

This is a very good story. It is very sad to me that so many kids end their lives because of being bullied. Sadly, it is reality. Sesame gave you some very good feedback. The only thing I would add is until only has one l, u-n-t-i-l. I liked this piece so much, I read it several times. Great job!

[Sesame]

Hi Ciara,

First of all: good job! Nice read, truly gripping. But since you posted your story here, I figure you want something besides reassurance that this is a good story. You want to improve. So please find below a few suggestions, which you can take or leave.

I became a zombie as I shuffled down the stairs. -> "I shuffled down the stairs like a zombie." Otherwise you are implying that while shuffling you became that zombie (which might also be the case, it is up to you).

The pained look in her eyes matched mine. -> "The pain in her eyes matched mine."

You’re the only one she left a message for. -> "You are the only one she left a message."

as I unraveled the mess of folds -> I associate folding with neatness, not with a mess. "I unraveled the many folds."

I can’t stand another day of torment from the other kids at school or fearing the older boys that use me for their “fun”. -> This sentence needs some rephrasing. The older boys are also part of the kids at school? In that case the 'or' signifies a non-existent difference between them (example to clearify: torment from animals or fearing cows). Also the combination' or fearing' makes this sentences hard to read, if not incorrect. A solution might be to cut this sentence up in two and gain some momentum ->
" I can’t stand another day of torment from the other kids at school. I can't stand living in fear of the older boys that use me for their fun. I also deleted the quotation marks, as I can imagine what that fun means without them.

The bruises from being shoved into lockers, thrown into a ditch, and being stomped on seem to never disappear. -> "....stomped on never seem to disappear."

And at home my parents have already forgotten that I exist. -> "At home, my parents have already forgotten I exist." I deleted 'And' and 'that' to hold on to the rhythm of her letter.

You almost made my smile real. -> You use this sentence twice (repetition is powerful), this makes me think that you have thought long and hard on how to write it. But I can't stop reading and re-reading it. Is not ' sincere' the the word you are looking for here? The smile is real, it is there, it is perceived. But is not meant: not sincere. Think about it ;)

till my knees -> "untill my knees"

Alright, I hope I have written something useful in addition to all the sincere praise that was rightfully given already.

Regards, Sesame.

@followsesame on Twitter
www.themagiccave.com

[Moon]

This is so sad. I feel bad for Ella and I wish that she had never had to be in so much pain. Great write, I really enjoyed it.

[Brittany Zedalis]

This was so heartbreaking and amazing. It's one that sticks in your mind.

[Bluefire]

Oh my gosh, this is an AMAZING, tragic tale. I love it!
Easy to read with an attention grabber at the very beginning. It hooks you in like Ella's eyes and leaves you heart broken like her death.
Very well done!

[Sadiesmiles]

Wow. This piece literally made me cry (and I never cry at things like this.) I love the emotion of this writing. You're very talented!

[Raven Jade]

I dont think i have ever cried so hard in my life...

[Ciara]

I'm glad my story affected your emotions :P I always love those kind of stories most so when I hear that someone gets emotional over something I wrote, it makes me very happy :)

[Raven Jade]

Your welcome. :)