I prefer Nightmares

Small personal story about why I prefer to have a nightmare instead of a happy dream.

"I love you", I said confidently, with a smile, caught up in the moment.
"I love you too", she replied just as naturally as breathing. In that moment I felt a sort of spark inside of my chest and head. The reason that her words caused that utopian feeling is because those three words are a bit of a taboo for her. She has trouble being sure of her feelings unless she is reminded. And although I know she loves me, even when she doesn't know, It is always better to hear it in the voice that near tickles my soul.

I look at her smile then her eyes and place my left hand on her right cheek, rubbing it with my thumb for a second. She gets in a playful bashful mood when we are like this. And so she bites my index finger at the first digit. I don't get to remember her warmth forever.
"I'm gonna goto the bathroom." She gets up smiling, even as she leaves the room. She'll be back in a bit. I close my eyes.

Almost immediately opening them, I'm facing my orange LED clock. 5:40, it's not night anymore. I want to break down because I am able to immediately recognise that it was a dream, that she isn't coming back. But I cover myself with my covers and for a few minutes I pray that she'll walk in, normal as can be: to no avail.
"This is why I hate happy dreams." Because I always wakeup sad, feeling like I've been cheated of that happiness. Cheated of the ending. With nightmares I wakeup and I'm glad they are over. But dreams with her, I could fall into a coma for the rest of my life and not care, as long as I get to see her. Even if it's just in my mind. Happiness can reach me even from dreams

Author's Note

Felt like writing about this morning. Ignore mistakes.