Papa's Workbench

Papa's Workbench

A Poem by Mary
"

This is another addition to my collection of poems of Mary and Jesus. It's a poem about a young child jesus playing with papa's carpentry tools.

"

Shuffling in oversized sandals-

Our budding carpenter makes his way to Papa’s workbench.

Laboring in his make-believe world

of lathes, and hammers and nails,

he gathers discarded scraps of wood

and builds and rebuilds until …

Everything is just right!

 

Shuffling in oversized sandals-

Our young artisan turns and makes his way towards us.

          Smiling, he presents the fruit of his labor

                             A bench?  Small table? No matter,

he saw something pleasing in those scraps

and built and rebuilt until …

          And everything is just right



© 2015 Mary



Author's Note

Mary
please let me know what you think. I know it's not my finished product, but I could really use some constructive critique.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I can see the idea of your story poem, it just is not complete. You need something in between the first and last grouping to perhaps show growth or something more. I love the last stanza as it is. Telling how He finds our flaws and will correct them if we let Him. Seek other opinions ..not just mine. Your writing is fine. Valentine

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Mary

1 Year Ago

Thanks again Valentine, my hunch was correct.


Advertise Here Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

Reviews

So sweet and pure. Vivid Imagery. Just like a child's creation-Perfect!

Posted 5 Months Ago


I never knew this type of relationship with a man in my life, but I can see the sentiment in other aspects of order and purpose. You touch the heart of connecting generations.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Love your idea in this and where I think you are going. You have a way of tapping into the humanity of biblical themes and giving new dimension to them.
I think I agree with the reviews that suggest an additional stanza in the middle for clarification.
Perhaps...

In second stanza - I was wondering about something like:
Our young artisan lifts his eyes towards us.
Smiling, he presents the fruit of his labor
A bench? Small table? No matter,
he made something sturdy out of those scaps
something to last
Then you could go into third stanza where he can see something pleasing in the scraps and pieces of our lives - repairing - rebuilding - creating something brand new.
Just thinking about other suggestions in reviews and your request for suggestions.
I'd love to come back to it...just message me. :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great work...Very beautifully narrated...Keep it up...

Posted 1 Year Ago


Perfect story for a man in the poetry.
" A bench? Small table? No matter,
he saw something pleasing in those scraps
and constructed and remodeled until …
And everything is just right"
You honored the blessed carpenter with the amazing words.
Coyote

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mary

1 Year Ago

thank you Coyote. I believe Joseph's influence on Jesus must have been a wonderful one indeed
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

I agree and you are welcome.
The greatest of all carpenters indeed! Great job Mary!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Mary

1 Year Ago

thank you. I tried to imply that the child Jesus takes scraps to make a small masterpiece, foreshad.. read more
Levi Levin

1 Year Ago

Excellent type.
It's very nice and very sweet as is, but since Valentine mentions it, perhaps it needs something in the middle to hint at the greatness He will achieve and what He will do for us.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Mary

1 Year Ago

Thanks, Jennie, I agree with you, there needs to be a better connection between the first and second.. read more
I can see the idea of your story poem, it just is not complete. You need something in between the first and last grouping to perhaps show growth or something more. I love the last stanza as it is. Telling how He finds our flaws and will correct them if we let Him. Seek other opinions ..not just mine. Your writing is fine. Valentine

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Mary

1 Year Ago

Thanks again Valentine, my hunch was correct.

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

282 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Added on November 1, 2015
Last Updated on December 15, 2015
Tags: Jesus, Mary, carpentry, hammer

Author

Mary
Mary

RI



About
I am total geek, optimist, hopeless romantic child of God. I love poetry! I was a high school science teacher for many years, but at the present time I work as a math tutor at a local community coll.. more..

Writing
SSDD SSDD

A Poem by Mary


Fire and Ice II Fire and Ice II

A Poem by Mary



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..