Papa's Workbench

This is another addition to my collection of poems of Mary and Jesus. It's a poem about a young child jesus playing with papa's carpentry tools.

Shuffling in oversized sandals-

Our budding carpenter makes his way to Papa’s workbench.

Laboring in his make-believe world

of lathes, and hammers and nails,

he gathers discarded scraps of wood

and builds and rebuilds until …

Everything is just right!

 

Shuffling in oversized sandals-

Our young artisan turns and makes his way towards us.

          Smiling, he presents the fruit of his labor

                             A bench?  Small table? No matter,

he saw something pleasing in those scraps

and built and rebuilt until …

          And everything is just right

Author's Note

please let me know what you think. I know it's not my finished product, but I could really use some constructive critique.

Reviews

[Valentine]

I can see the idea of your story poem, it just is not complete. You need something in between the first and last grouping to perhaps show growth or something more. I love the last stanza as it is. Telling how He finds our flaws and will correct them if we let Him. Seek other opinions ..not just mine. Your writing is fine. Valentine

[Mary]

Thanks again Valentine, my hunch was correct.

[barleygirl]

I see this as perfectly complete. I'm totally impressed with your sense of wonder & imagination, in addressing this topic, in this way (so new & refreshing!) To me, it's important to portray Jesus as human becuz it helps him feel more approachable & thus more of an attainable inspiration for all of us. This says to me: we can all start at the beginning, start with building blocks, be open to the possibilities -- all these lessons are horribly missing in our social & political dialogue, it seems (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie

[Mary]

thank you so much, Margie, for your kind review. What inspired me for this poem was my pastor's sermon one Christmas Eve. Among other things, he said that sometime on that very special night of his birth, baby Jesus needed a "diaper change." I had never thought about that before, and at first it was just a funny thoght. Then I understood the wisdom of his words. Jesus came into this world 100% human, totally helpless, even unable to hold his own head up. So I started to focus on the humanity of this most holy family in my series of "Mary" poems.

[steppenwolf]

I am not good at constructive criticism. I just like this poem. What an original idea, to get into the mind of the little boy, curious about what his father does all day.

[Mary]

This poem is still a work in progress, i like it but i don't love it. Thanks for reading this one

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

So sweet and pure. Vivid Imagery. Just like a child's creation-Perfect!

[David Scott]

I never knew this type of relationship with a man in my life, but I can see the sentiment in other aspects of order and purpose. You touch the heart of connecting generations.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

Love your idea in this and where I think you are going. You have a way of tapping into the humanity of biblical themes and giving new dimension to them.
I think I agree with the reviews that suggest an additional stanza in the middle for clarification.
Perhaps...

In second stanza - I was wondering about something like:
Our young artisan lifts his eyes towards us.
Smiling, he presents the fruit of his labor
A bench? Small table? No matter,
he made something sturdy out of those scaps
something to last
Then you could go into third stanza where he can see something pleasing in the scraps and pieces of our lives - repairing - rebuilding - creating something brand new.
Just thinking about other suggestions in reviews and your request for suggestions.
I'd love to come back to it...just message me. :)

[Riddhi]

Great work...Very beautifully narrated...Keep it up...

[Coyote Poetry]

Perfect story for a man in the poetry.
" A bench? Small table? No matter,
he saw something pleasing in those scraps
and constructed and remodeled until …
And everything is just right"
You honored the blessed carpenter with the amazing words.
Coyote

[Mary]

thank you Coyote. I believe Joseph's influence on Jesus must have been a wonderful one indeed

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree and you are welcome.

[Levi Levin]

The greatest of all carpenters indeed! Great job Mary!

[Mary]

thank you. I tried to imply that the child Jesus takes scraps to make a small masterpiece, foreshadowing the grown up Jesus, who would take the world-weary souls and bring out the light that shines within them

[Levi Levin]

Excellent type.

[Jennie Baron]

It's very nice and very sweet as is, but since Valentine mentions it, perhaps it needs something in the middle to hint at the greatness He will achieve and what He will do for us.

[Mary]

Thanks, Jennie, I agree with you, there needs to be a better connection between the first and second stanza. It may be by adding a new stanza or by changing a phrase or two. will ask Spirit wor guidance on this one. again, thanks so much!