The Chase

"Shey, I'm willing to wait for all my life just to have you." Cedric said.

Allowing someone you don't like is just plain stupidity. Not all the people who want their selves to be in your life can easily get there, especially when you really don't like them to be there. You can't force yourself to like someone just because they liked you first. It's not always like that. Not all people can give the same feeling to another. In some stories, if a guy likes you, there is a chance for you to like them back. Yes, it may happen, a lot of times.

However, in my case, I really don't want to like him, even a bit. I did appreciate all of his efforts, but it wasn't magical when you don't like the person. It's like, you are blinded by the fact that you don't like the person, and it is blocking you to see the person's efforts.

"Are you sure you don’t have any feelings for Cedric? His efforts were mind blowing!" It's not the efforts who people fall for. It was the person.
In reality, if you want the person, no matter how small that effort is, you would so happy about it. However, if you really do not like that person, even if you would try so hard to put a smile on your face you just could not. As I said, you’re blindfolded by the fact that you do not want him.

And at the same time, I was too afraid to let someone. I was afraid to love them back. I was afraid of the pain they will cause me.

"Shey! I’ll walk you home." I heard his voice again. I faced him and I saw a genuine smile on his lips.

"I can handle myself," I said. I am not that evil to directly tell him that I don’t like him, I merely want him to feel it.

"Just let me do this, please?" He said. Why can’t he understand that I don’t have any feelings for him?

"Cedric, I don’t want to be walked home," because I do not like you.

"Just this time, please." He insisted. But still, I didn’t answer him.

I took a few steps and decided to just continue walking. I am aware of his existence behind me, but, I didn't bother to look back.

When I was in front of my house, I stopped and faced him. He was even surprised when our eyes met

.

"Thank you." I smiled and immediately open our front door.

That scene repeats every single day. I personally hate what he is doing. I am just afraid to stop him because I don’t want him to get hurt.

"Hi Shey," Cedric greeted me. I only answered him with a smile and went straight to our classroom door.

Cedric is a good-looking guy; in fact, he is one of our school’s heartthrobs. He is also smart; he’s the top among our batch. And no, he is not poor. His dad is a surgeon and her mom works at the biggest company in our country. Actually, Cedric is a definition of perfection.

The only problem is I am not a fan of perfection. I don’t like those people who get so much attention and stand tall. I want an average person that I could get along with. When people are so perfect you would love what they have and not for what whom they really are.

"Hey Cedric, where’s your car?" I heard his friend ask.

"Well, I am up for something." He gave them a meaningful glance and diverted his eyes on me.

"Thank you." I said when he accompanied me again.

I was about to open our door, but he held my hands.

"Wait, Shey…" I faced him and put a curious look on my face.

"Why?"

"Are you free this coming Saturday?" I am having a second thought if I should say no or yes. I don’t want him to hope. I don’t want him to see this as an opportunity. However, I don’t want to humiliate him.

"Yes."

"Really?" smiles are scattered on his face. I feel sorry for him.

"I’ll just fetch you on Saturday." I nodded and finally open our door. I left him outside wearing his very genuine smile.

I don’t know if I am doing the right thing.

When Saturday came, he is already at our house even before I wake up.

"Sorry, I’m just excited to date a beautiful woman like you." He reasoned out. I wore my favorite dress and went with him.

We went to an amusement park, but I was flabbergasted when I found out that he rent the whole place for that day.

"I love you, Shey." My whole world stopped when I hear those three magic words. My heart is beating so fast that it could go out of my chest and explode. There are some dinosaurs or whatsoever inside my stomach.

"I'm willing to chase you forever because I'm madly in love with you. I won't stop chasing you." I couldn’t utter a single word. Our neighborhood is so quiet and I am afraid that he might hear my heart.

What should I say?

"Didn’t you know that Cedric sells his car just to rent that amusement park? And you are telling us that you didn’t appreciate it?" my eyes widened upon hearing what my friend said.

"Is that true?”

"You are the famous topic here in school and you didn’t know?" She said again.

"I didn’t… know."

"Don’t you know that her mom’s company had a problem and his dad’s hospital had shut down? However, he chose to rent that park for you.” One of my friends said.

"Now, tell us that you didn’t like it. Come on." My heart is aching. Why am I so afraid to shout what I really feel?

"I didn’t ask him to do that." I protested so I can calm my heart down.

"Then why are you still entertaining him?”

"What should I do?" I asked in frustration.

"Tell him to stop the chase or force your heart to love him."

"I can't force myself to love him."

"Then, your only option is the former."

 

"Are you free again this Saturday?" I don’t know what to answer. I have to stop him from doing all of this but… I guess I can’t.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"We’ll just eat and talk." No, Shey. Say no. Stop him from chasing you.

"Fine," but, I can't afford to see somebody who is in pain because of me.

 

We went to an expensive restaurant near our school.

"Ced, I think this restaurant is so expensive." I said while looking at the beauty of the place.

"I'm willing to waste everything just for you." He sweetly said. Shey, why don't you just appreciate his efforts? Why do have to question everything? Shey, why don't you just love this person in front of you?

"Ced..." Stop, please.

"Thank you." But, I can’t love you the way you do.

Why can’t I stop you? What’s stopping me to end this?

"Shey... I want to stop loving you." My whole world almost stopped when he said that. I looked at him and our eyes met. Why do these words pain me? This is what I exactly wanted to happen.

"But, I just can't. I don't know, but it seems like love is really a silly thing. I don’t care if it’s one sided. All I know is that I need to protect you, no matter what." He gave me his most precious smile. Am I really this bad? How can I hurt this innocent man? I don't deserve him. I will never deserve him.

"I'm not worth it." I whispered gently.

"Shey, no one has to be worthy when it comes to love. There are no rules, Shey. The definition of love depends on a person's perspective. All people deserve this feeling. Please don't think that way." My whole system went down the moment he held me. His touch feels so perfect. However, it makes me... uncomfortable.

"I am not forcing you to love me. I will never force you. Shey, I will win you. I will make our feelings mutual. Please don't force yourself too. I am willing to wait for eternity." My heart is fluttering. I am trying to force my heart to love him, but, it just can't. It will never work. I don't want to be with him. His love is so good to be true. I'm afraid that this dreamlike feeling will vanish. I don't want to be left in a corner howling for the disappearance of his feelings.

"Just please don't stop me from chasing your heart."

No, Cedric...

"I'm sorry."

"Shey... I'm begging you."

"Ced, this won't do. I was trying so hard to love you back. I just can't see you the way you see me. You are just Cedric, nothing more."

"Shey, please..."

"Cedric, please… please stop this." I took a deep breath. I can do this. I have to do this.

"Please stop chasing me."

I hate how these raindrops pour so hard. Still, I'm thankful because it can make my tears invisible.

While everybody seems to be happy with their lives, here I am, hurting someone who did nothing but to make me happy. Someone who loves me is in pain because of my nonsense reasons.

How can I let go of him?

The traffic light went red; it's time for me to cross the other side of the road. It's time to leave this side in able for me continue my new journey.

"Shey!" I stopped for a moment.

No, I have to continue walking away. The pain I cause him for a long period of time is already enough.

"Please, let me chase you!" No, chasing me means leaving everything out. No, Cedric.

Suddenly, everything turns to be in a slow motion.

Loud sounds started to invade my whole world.

The lights keep on getting brighter and brighter.

Everything stopped from what they are doing.

"Cedric!" I run as fast as I could.

"Cedric! Damn it. Please, help us!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

"Please call an ambulance!"

"Ced! Please don't sleep! I'm here, I won't leave you!" I held his hair and his bloods are all over my body. How did things turn this way?!

"If I knew that this accident would make you stay by my side, I should have done." My tears fell. The next thing is I was crying so loud.

"Cedric, don't give up okay? Somebody already called an ambulance."

"Hearing those words from you is already enough. Thank you, Shey." I want to stop him from uttering any single word, but... I want to hear his voice.

"No, you haven't heard enough! Ced, I love you! Please don't leave me. You promised to chase me until you win me!" I looked at his lethargic eyes. I saw happiness and at the same time sadness on it.

"I won your heart already. You just confessed." He smiled. Damn his smile. I would never trade anything for his smiles.

"I won't be chasing you now, Shey." I cried in agony. Cedric did nothing wrong. Why is this happening now?

I should confess my feelings for him! I shouldn’t have been a coward! I kept my feelings hidden in a cage. F**k worth and fears.

My whole world crashed into pieces the moment he held my hand tightly and smiled at me.

“I love you,” he said… for the last time.