REMEMBRANCES

A romantic poem about a man and woman who separated long ago because of the hostility of the man. The man now regrets his cruelty.

He remembers  the soft touch of her fingers

all she remembers are his hands across her face.

He remembers her soft and elegant stride

all she remembers are his hard, wild kicks.

He remembers the beautiful notes in her voice

all she remembers are his angry, drunken yells.

He remembers her eyes: ponderous and reflective

all she remembers are two feeling-less pupils.

He remembers her expressed affection towards him

all she remembers are his false statements of love.

He remembers and realizes that he's been ruthless

all she remembers is that she submitted to his will. 

Author's Note

Tell me if i have to make any additions except making the poem longer.
THANKYOU.

Reviews

[Kasey Miriam]

I love the couplets you set up! I think there should be a couplet dealing with how he realized that he was cruel. After the second line in every couplet I would put a period for a harder stop than a coma.

[Moomal Ahmed]

oh i though about that, but then i decided it would disturb the poem symmetry. and what bout the commas? what should i put instead? maybe a period, or an exclamation mark?

[Kasey Miriam]

I'd replace them with periods. It creates a harder stop and let's the lines sink in more.

[Moomal Ahmed]

umm okay, i get it... ill edit the poem

[MomzillaNC]

I agree there needs to be couplets detailing how he came to understand his cruelty. Or, how she overcame it.

[MomzillaNC]

Oh, and did you think about an ellipse behind each first line of a couplet? "…" or a semicolon? ";"

[Moomal Ahmed]

hmmmmm ... good idea

[MomzillaNC]

I look forward to seeing what you do with it.