Dad

He took his first sip thinking he was cool.

Little did he know he'd become a fool.

"Just one won't kill me", he said taking off the top.

"Oh, just one more won't hurt me", he grinned guzzling the last drop.

 

Soon one became two, and two became three.

Quickly he lost count, but "damn it", he was free.

His teenage years he drank away.

"The best days of my life", no longer could he say.

 

Then he grew up and accepted marriage.

Not long after that he was pushing a carriage.

One day while drinking he was driving too fast.

Unfortunatly for him, a cop's path he past.

No sooner could he say, "It wasn't my fault".

His lisence was taken and he had been caught.

 

His marriage didn't work, so he tried with someone new.

She showed him reality and he knew what he had to do.

He kept himself sober and was proud of his new way.

He owed all to his new wife and the meetings of A.A.

 

This man eyed every drink that would touch a man's lip.

Thinking one day that he could have a sip.

 

A cold night out on the town,

He grabbed a beer and got it all down.

He thought he could control how many he had.

"One or two, it can't be that bad."

To his family it mattered not much.

He could handle it, he had that touch.

His responsibility lasted many days, even a few years.

But, soon his cravings craved for more beers.

 

Slowly the bottles in the trash began to rise,

And eventually the packages grew bigger in size.

Now, I'm not exactly complaining, he really made me smile.

He was filled with energy and jokes, but only for a little while.

Often I wonder what went through his head.

He knew he'd wake up in the morning and wish he was dead.

 

Now, as the packages continued to grow in size,

The yellow grew darker in the white of his eyes.

As you can understand it gave us a scare.

That yellowish color wasn't supposed to be there.

The doctor was called, an appointment was made.

If it could be helped this wouldn't be delayed.

 

The test results weren't really a blessing.

Unfortunatly, they still have us guessing.

 

I don't want you to think this man is wrong or bad.

He's the greatest man I know, he is my dad.

I'll always love him no matter what direction he takes.

I'm always his little girl dispite his mistakes.

 

-Mysty Rayn

Reviews

[C.W Hawke]

That's awesome, and rarely do I see anything that makes use of a rhyming scheme so well as to create real emotion. Felt like this was genuine in its prose and story. Great work!

[Greg Skura]

Beautiful!!!! i can relate my father drank daily, we left him when i was thirteen years old. Although i recognized as we grew older he was a good soul who was very emotional, and his emotions did not mix well with alcohol. lol! Thank you for sharing!

[The Mad Prophet]

Deep, written with love and pain. Very well expressed, and I hope your father be at rest, whatever it rest may take form. I only hope strongly for the best outcome, like when my Grandfather dies, better death at times then suffering.

Sorry, Pagan mentality, we tend to honor and celebrate life and death. Very powerful poem, great job.

[Mary]

This is an extremely powerful poem. I've been diagnosed with hepatitis C and in 5 days I start the treatment for it. My father was also an alcoholic and an addict and he died of an overdose when I was seventeen. I got hooked on shooting heroin when I was quite young, and was diagnosed just over a year ago with HCV. I'm 22. This really hit me.
Normally I'm not a fan of rhyming, structured poetry, but I think you pulled it off really well. Congratulations on a beautiful poem, and thank you.

[Laura E. Aranda]

This was so sad and yet some many can relate to this....Good luck in the contest....cheers, lea

[John Stussy]

Just a man who got addicted to a very appealing substance. I don't get how someone would be able to say he was a bad man, seeing as he seemed, from what you say, a good man. Everyone has their flaws, that was simply his. Anyone who says his drinking made him a bad man would need to take a closer look. Your poem shows it as a flaw, nothing more, nothing less, and we love people despite their flaws. Well written, well spoken.

[lilfeather]

I enjoyed this poem, its wonderful, but there's one little mistake at the end, "little girl". The contest you entered was Father-Son related, not Father-Daughter, Sorry, but you wont place with this piece, although you other piece, could win because you didnt give away witch gender. Good poem tough, congrats.

[Emily Rose]

A touching poem, especially at the end. You really capture your dad's habits, his ups and downs. Good job. I do have some critique, though: There are several spelling errors that you should fix. Just copy-pasting this into a Microsoft Word document (or whatever you use) should show you the errors and help you fix them. The rhyme scheme also makes it feel a little awkward at times and takes away from the drama of what you're saying. Its lilting style isn't really the best fit for this poem, I think, simply because it seems to make the situation less serious than it is. The rhythm of lines is a bit confusing, too: it makes it difficult to read at some points. (Keep in mind that this is all friendly criticism - I did enjoy the piece.) Good job.

[Thomas James Martin]

Nicely done. Enjoyed it to the end with the rhyme scheme. I personally do not care about typos, but others might (dispite instead of correct despite for example).

Welcome to the Cafe.
Tom

[julian3]

The powerful emotional impact - and the emotional confusion of love for a parent combined with contempt for the parent's action - are conveyed so clearly; as is the message that one person's actions touch many other ( innocent) lives.
My own father was many things - a gentleman, a genius with a very high IQ, and a generous man... he was also an alcoholic, whose decline began when I was about ten, when he began drinking as an escape from some of life's darker challenges. I witnessed his gradual change and physical decline and I empathize deeply with anyone who goes through that same experience. I wish you strength, peace and courage.